How to cure Social Phobia, permanently

[knuckleflash]

I wrote the following letter to a guy suffering from social phobia. Simply because I wanted to help him. He really appreciated it, so I figured other people might benefit from it as well. This is how I overcome social phobia and radically changed my life for ever, for the better. Here we go:

I used to have it, but let me tell you: It's totally cureable.
And I'm going to try my best to explain to you how you can get rid of it. I want to do this because I know how frustrating it is, I remember how I used to think that I was trapped in a nightmare and I couldn't get out.
That would be the best way to describe my situation back then.

I am now very outgoing, lots of great friends. I'm comfortable and talkative in any situation. I speak in front of big audiences with ease. If I see a beautiful girl on the street, I usually go talk to her. And I never feel anxiety, ever. So there, it is absolutely possible to get rid of social phobia. And not only that, you can eliminate shyness as well. I'm a living proof and so can you be.

I'm going to give you a little background first, so you can relate to my situation a little bit better. (I think this is going to be a long letter, but bear with me. It'll be worth it About 2 years ago my social phobia was at it's peak, I was a total mess... I'd suffered for about 4 years with
it. I couldn't go out, if I did I was extremely anxios. I couldn't hang out with anyone, even my closest friends. I was nervous about basically everything and I tured red everytime someone said something to me. It sucked. And I decided to do something about it.

I'm going to give you my whole process to recovery, even though some parts may have been less effective than others, but nevertheless it helped so I want to give you all the steps I took. However, there is one thing that really changed it for me, the most effective method in my opinion. And I will get to that later.

First I had to relieve the pressure, I hadn't told anyone about my situation. So I talked to my mom about it. It was a good feeling to relieve the pressure a bit. Of course the problem was still there but I think it was a good first step. Then I stared jogging. It sucked at first because, well it was hard for my untrained body. But after about a week I started to enjoy it. I countinued to jog and I was always relieved of anxiety right after I'd been jogging, it was a great feeling. Then I started lifting weights, I used to go to the gym on very strange hours, around closing hours because of my anxiety and because there were less people there around those hours. But after about a month I gained courage and went there daytime and I realized that it wasn't that bad. I still felt a little anxios though. But my point is, exercising your body is a great way to boost you levels of wellbeing, it also reduces anxiety a lot. So start working out, it's really a great thing. Eventually you'll have a great looking body and that is not a bad thing , it's great for your self esteem as well.

I continued to search for answers on how to cure this thing all over the internet. I came across some cogitive treatments, but I didn't have the guts to go to the clinic. So I backed down, then I read a lot of people had fallen back to their social phobia even though they had taken this type of treatment, so it didn't seem very solid to me. I needed something that would definetly work. I continued to search but didnt come across anything that seemed really good.

Then I got a job-offer from a place in Stockholm, I lived in a small town in the northern part of Sweden. So it would be a great deal for me to move to the capital of sweden, especially with my kind of condition. But after a while I decided that it was the right thing to do, I had to get away and start over. I tried desperatly to get ahold of some medication, anti-depressants and so on before I left. Mainly because I though that I couldnt handle the pressure. It was a job for a pilot for a tv-show so I figured there would be a lot of important and superior people there, and that scared the crap out of me. but to this day, I am so happy that I didn't get ahold of any kind of medication. Instead I discovered a relaxing/meditation mp3 on the internet. I never tried
it before so I gave it a go. Basically what it did was relaxing my body completelty then a voice would tell me a bunch of affirmations, like for instance "I am confident in myself" and so on. And man, that was totally awsome. I could feel right after I'd listened to it how great I felt. I actually felt high self-esteem. I hadn't had that feeling in years, it almost made me cry of excitment.

Anyway, I moved down to Stockholm, and I listened to that mp3 every morning before I went to work. It helped alot, even though I was still shy, I din't feel so much anxiety. There was celebrites on that show, and they went up and talked to me. and I didnt turn red! This was a huge thing for me, at this point I pretty much felt unstoppable. I then knew that I could overcome this thing. One thing you could do is to challenge yourself in a similar way, I know it hard but after you've done it. you will realize that its not as bad as you think. And I will give you some great meditaion mp3's that you can listen to. But if you can't stand challenging yourself in that kind of way, that's alright. I will give you methods later in this mail that'll get you courage up so you can do it no problem.

The thing about social phobia is that it puts a label on you. Almost like; there's something seriously wrong with you. Your brain is not right. In fact, when I first learned about social phobia, that there was a name for it, it just made feel worse and it made the issue bigger. Because I stared to think that there was something wrong with me. But that, I later realized was a bunch of bullshit. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! OK?

You're a perfectly good human being, there's nothing wrong with your brain. It's just the way you think, and trust me. you can change the way you think. There's a solution for every problem, even social phobia, permanetly. And I will tell you how and why it works.

First, the most important and effective way in my opinion is:
NLP. It stands for Neuro-linguistic programming. Let me explain this in a understandable manner. You conscious mind can only process a limited amount of impressions per second. I'd say around 5-10 impressions per second. You can hear noise in the background while your talking to someone and feel the smell from stuff simotaniously, but there is a limit. You SUBCONSIOUS however, can process up to 40 milion impressions per second. Then it has to process all this information, which mostly takes place when you sleep. You subconcious remembers EVERYTHING, everything you've ever seen, smelled, heard, everything. Now, if you go about life, and you're not really paying attention to how your brain process information, it will kinda go into auto-pilot and try to take care of itself and process the information the way it think is the best. Now, you weren't born with social phobia, it is the society and things that you've experienced that has made you who you are. You subconsious has processed things that you've experienced and interpered in a way that is not good for you. And the way the brain works is that if you think something bad about yourself, like you might think: "nobody likes me, i am so shy" etc. your brain will start to search for evidence to back this belief. And the more it does, the more it kind of becomes an affirmation. Like; "I'm a shy person." It's not somethin you think anymore, it's now a belief - something that you believe and it becomes who you are. The same goes for positive beliefs, if you think you're awesome, your brain will collect evidence of this and soon it becomes the affirmation and belief that; "I am awesome". However, you can not do this if you have a bunch of negative beliefs in your mind. So this is what NLP will do for you. NLP is essencially a way to communicate to your subconsious. Communicate
positive belief-systems that will change your way of thinking about yourself and ultimatly get rid of your social phobia, for ever. Because the thing about getting better, is that you realize when a bad/negative thought is going into your head and you kill it instantly and replace it with something positive. Soon this will happen on autopilot as well. And the more you get better, the more you realize that you will never go back to that dark place. So you will get better and better. And the better you get, the better you wanna become. So it kind of becomes this great addictive circle of positive thinking and joy. And NLP is fast as well, it doesn't take years. We're talking a few months here.

Another thing a lot of people with social phobia hates is; blushing. You're sitting there in a social situation and can't stop thinking "don't blush, don't blush!", right? Well, NLP helped me with this as well. It's a technique where when ever I can sense that warm feeling starting to spread across my face, I just make that warmth go to my foot instead. So I'm sitting there with a red, warm foot, and a casual non-blushing face. Pretty cool right? Eventually this will just go away naturally. What makes me mad when I look back is all the doctors that said it was impossible to get rid of blushing. Now that I've experienced it first hand that you can, it just makes me pissed of at all those know-it-all-doctors who really have no clue.

So I'd suggest that you get in touch with an NLP-coach near you. So you can describe your problem in detail to him that will help him start the treatment. If you're uncomfortable with this there is sites where you can download NLP mp3's for overcoming social phobia. One of these sites are: http://www.hypnoticmp3.com/social.htm But I recommend that you get in touch with an actual coach that can make a custom made program that is specific to you. But if you're short on cash you can always purchase a nlp mp3 download, it's a small price to pay for what you get in return.

Here's a list that I've put together that will help you feel better and help you with your social phobia and just life in general:

1.Start focusing on things that are positive and things that you want
- When you focus on negative thing and things you think you cannot accomplish you will get more of negativity and low self esteem in your life. When you focus on what you want and positive things, you will get more of that. It's pretty simple. Never be hard on yourself. I will do you no good what so ever.

2. Step out of your "comfort zone"
-Do things that scare you, start small and work your way up. You will find that the things aren't that bad as you thought and you will grow as a person. And even if they are bad, you will gain some confidence just because of the fact that you didn't like it but went for it anyway! "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

3. Breathe
-It sounds very "new agey" But breathing really is important. When you feel anxious or nervous, breathe calmly and deeply, with your stomach. A lot of people actually don't know how to breathe properly. You wanna breathe the way you did when you were a child. When you breathe in your stomach should expand and not the other way around. Take a deep breath trough your nose, hold it in for a couple of seconds then breathe out through your mouth, it'll make you calm and relaxed. And you should always breathe through your stomach.

4. Shower and shave daily, Always look your best.
- It'll help with your confidence

5. Eat healthy food
- It's just one of those things that makes you feel better with no real effort at all

6. If you drink coffee, stop.
- Coffe is not healty, espcially if you have anxiety problems. Coffe increases the chemicals in your brain that causes anxiety. So stop drinking it, at least until you've dealt with this problem.

7. Have your place clean
-It'll help you keep your head straight when everything is not a mess in your house/apartment

8. Clothing
- Wear clothes that looks cool and good on you. It might sound shallow, but it is one of those little things that will help you feel better.

9. Consider career changes
- If you hate your job, then quit and start working somewhere else. You'll get a fresh start, and you really shouldn't work somwewhere that makes you feel like shit. No excuses, if you hate it, quit. Period.

10. Posture
- Improve your posture and the way you carry yourself. You want to have a straight back, shoulder back and dropped free of tention, chest out, lift your ribs up. And just carry yourself in a more confident manner, don't look down, don't put your hands in your pocket. You should only have to look down once when you enter a new place, just to make sure there's nothin in the way. The thing is, even if you feel low on confidence - when you carry yourself confidently you will automatiaclly feel more confident.

There's probably A LOT of other things i could add to that list, but I'm starting to feel tired of typing and that's all I could think of right now.

Now, finally I'm going to recommend a couple of things that has really helped me in my life and gained new perspective on things.

First: David Deangelo - Deep inner game dvds
In this program you'll learn how to eliminate ANY type of psychological problem you might have. Anxiety, anger, bad thinking patterns, how you react to cerain situations etc and a lot more. It's a great program and here is a torrent download link:
http://www.btmon.com/Video/Unsorted/David_Deangelo_-_Deep_Inner_Game_DVD_Series.torrent.html

Also I wanna recommend a book called "The monk who sold his ferrari" - Really great book. I would describe it as a guide on how to live a wonderful, joyful life. Some really invaluable tips in that book.

When you feel better about your situation, or when your phobia is completely gone. I suggest you look into more stuff by David Deangelo (if you're a guy), he's a dating guru and has a lot of information on how to pick up beautiful women. Not manipulate but rather things you can do to improve yourself to naturally attract women. I could go on and on how this thing works but I think you can explore it for yourself based on what I've given you. I've seen it, I've experienced it first hand. It does work and his material is really great.

Okay, that's pretty much it. I could probably go on for a while but I feel you have a good foundation now to start working on yourself. Just promise me to study this material and start working on yourself daily. Call an NLP-coach. Do it because you can change and it'll be worth it.
I hope this has been helpfulAnd I hope you commit to change your life for the better. It's 100% absoultely possible. You can do it. I wish you all the best and succes in your life! Take care

"Believe it, Achieve it"


/David

 

[SilentType]

I've actually been working on a lot of the stuff you mentioned here lately. It's amazing what a little workout everyday and a diet change can do for your confidence. I'm not saying I'm cured, but I'm on my way. I'm actually planning a big move like you did so I can just get away and just be free. I feel it'll do a world of good for me. You're thread motivated me even more in completing these goals I've set for myself.

I also commend you on defeating the monster. I knew it was possible. Just hearing it from someone in this detailed, honest way gives me hope that one day I will be anxiety free as well.


Peace

 

[Day_Tripper]

It's amazing what a little workout everyday and a diet change can do for your confidence.

Just wondering, what's your routine? I'm thinking of maybe waking up earlier and working out, along with eating healthier food.

 

[shield]

Well done. NLP I found didn't work 4 me I would have to say the no. 1 most effective way for me without parallel was exposure therapy which is a behavioural therapy. Ironically its also the hardest method. if you're still in stockholm we should go for a workout sometime and do sum sets in a bar :wink:

 

[mrmgl]

Thank you so much for the post. I have found those David Deangelo Deep Inner Game DVDs and yes, they are helpful. I also suggest people take a look at them. All the best.

-mrmgl

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

Oh yeah, lets just "cure" social phobia. Oh wait, you say that you can? Fuck, call Fox, NBC, CNN, and announce the triumphant victory over this psychological condition! Fuck this online forum, go to the news and make an public statement! Oh wait, you are full of shit.

Believe it, achieve it?

Way to rip off "The Secret", asshole.

 

[SilentType]

Quetz,
That's the kind of attitude that will only lead u further down into the pit of andxiety and depression. The glass is half full not half empty man! If someone says they're beating this thing then you gotta at least give them the benefit of the doubt even if you find the method doesn't work for you.

For some people, this is just a chemical imbalance in our brains that we're going to have to live with the rest of our lives. There is really no known cure for the type of anxiety I have, and I've just accepted that it's a physical problem that I'm going to have to work around. There's no use in putting other people's successes down just because you haven't found yours yet. I've found things as simple as breathing techniques to be at least somewhat helpful for my anxiety, so I suggest you look around for little things like that to help you cope, because it sounds like you're in a similar anxiety situation as me.

Eventually, I've realized that I can't let this panic disorder diagnosis rule my life. I have given up on finding "the cure" and now I'm more focused on coping strategies because I know I'm going to be living with this monkey on my back for a long time.


Peace

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

Silent, I appreciate your sympathy and understanding. I was being so harsh because it looke like this person is here (note that this was one of his first posts) to solicit something online, more than ask for, and offer help in SA. This comes along with the fools who were peddling EFT (emotional freedom technique)on other threads who were all logged in as guests sending people links to websites and encouraging them to download some "manuals". It does not take me a very long time to get pissed off when I see people taking advantage of people's problems to try and make a dollar. If I believed that this person was genuine, then I would have responded accordingly. However, I dont think so.

 

[Scrabbl]

Silent, I appreciate your sympathy and understanding. I was being so harsh because it looke like this person is here (note that this was one of his first posts) to solicit something online, more than ask for, and offer help in SA. This comes along with the fools who were peddling EFT (emotional freedom technique)on other threads who were all logged in as guests sending people links to websites and encouraging them to download some "manuals". It does not take me a very long time to get pissed off when I see people taking advantage of people's problems to try and make a dollar. If I believed that this person was genuine, then I would have responded accordingly. However, I dont think so.

Genuine or not, I think a lot of knuckleflash's tips are very good, based on my personal experience.
I started working out and doing lots of cardio a couple of months ago. The effect it had is noticeable. Exercising is sort of like an antidepressant. It gave me more energy to deal with SA

I was like you a short while ago Quetz. Therapy didn't help. Medication was useless. I believed there is no cure. But now I'm actually seeing improvements compared to 5 years ago. I still don't believe I can be cured 100% yet, but I'm optimistic.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

Like me? As in, you used to hate when people would go on threads and try to peddle their garbage? I don't take meds or attend therapy sessions.

 

[Scrabbl]

Like me? As in, you used to hate when people would go on threads and try to peddle their garbage? I don't take meds or attend therapy sessions.

Yes I used to ignore all threads where people claim to have a cure for SA. Because I believed there is no cure, and therefore the thread starters must be trying to sell something. Now I'm not so sure about that. My personal experience made me change my mind

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

Alright then, fair enough!

 

[shield]

Hey guys bashing people who say they've recovered from SA is fair enough because it shows scepticism and that's good. But I made a similar post to the guy who posted this thread when I returned to the forum after a year or two of not using it. I really do feel like I have recovered from social anxiety. (You can never actually recover because you will always have anxiety in sum social situations like standing on a restaurant table and dancing.) and if your thinking; but u didn't have it bad, ur not the same as me, or I can't do it. U guys are really wrong I was real bad and thought I wud neva get better. I just made a decision to stop reading this forum and go out and do sumthin about my problem. Its just a choice and anyone can do it I'm not special. Its not the actual task that is hard its your mind, the doubts you have, the fact that your brain will always try to talk u out of changing you have to just find a reason and a motivation 2 fight.

 

[JeffFL]

What is the difference between this approach and CBT??? It sounds like the same thing?

I'm not downplaying the post, I find it quite inspiring. I hate s.a.d. and I would like to think there is hope in getting rid of it totally, not just learning how to manage it.

 

[steel_sparks]

social phobia is differnt for different people, we all have differnet underlying reasons for our issues so there is no one set cure. but saying that I believe Medication is not the way to get better, It just serves as a anxiety supressor and doesn't combat the cause of the anxiety. I think my list of tips for overcoming SP would be as follow, bearing in mind that I still have it but I am overcoming it and I feel a lot better than I was a year ago.

1. as with any fear, facing it is key to overcoming it even if it's small steps at a time, and yes you are likely to be knocked back from time to time but thats an aspect of the fear so it needs to be faced also.

2. Positive mental attitude is always a good thing to have whatever the situation, social phobia or not, and it can help through the tough times just remembering the good times and visualising what you wish to achieve.

3. As i've said before I don't agree with medication and this includes things like alcohol and recreational drugs because even though they will help in the short term they will either make it worse in the long term or lead to a need for them.

4 and finaly you should learn to love who you are, wether thats how you look or how you think, accepting you for how you are is the first step for allowing/believing others accept you for who you are

I know these things are hard sometimes because I'm doing them, I've been into social situations that I was scared of and I've been knocked back lots of times but I've learned to deal with them a lot better. I've found things that I am good at and I've been working out for the last three years to get to where I am now, where I like how I look, yeah I know I will still have my moments of anxiety and depression but they are fewer and further between and we should never be completely without anxiety because it's there for a reason.

 

[Marie_knowsbest]

yeh i had problems a few years back. like knuckle i looked at all the cognitive behavioural thoery lark, even had it from a psychiatrist! tried anti depressents etc.

but i think, from my expereince that social phobia is just a grouping label for people with low self esteem and self worth. honestly. going through all the theopy, the reading, the medication, none of it helped me in the slightest. it was excepting who i am as a person, knwoing that no one is better than me, nor me better than them, we are all equal with all our own insecurites, not feeling the need to act like someone im not, and not spending hours thinking about whats wrong with me! just being in the moment, if im shopping, im not thinking what the people in the shop think of me, im looking at that nice jumper over there that would loook nice with the shoes i just bought! not feeling preasured to do things i dont want to do, and speaking when i have something to say! not racking my brains and torturing myself just for a conversation starter!!!

follwing the tips that have been left for you are very good ways to build a active healthy life, dont try and overcome your problems by thinking about them, and working through them in your head, im sure you know that just spirals into thinking about negative shit. just forget it all! and move foward rather than thinking about the past. work on ya future, not figuring out ya past.

god bless to all

 

[lonely_world]

Just don't care anymore, that how i'm going to handle it for now on. I'm not suggesting to be totally careless, but you will never be able to change what other people think, say and do, so why waste the energy? Rememeber that anxiety takes a toll on your health, so if you care about yourself, stop worrying so much. I know it's very hard sometimes, i've been going through it my whole life, but i'm just too tired of it anymore. Golly, i'm 31 almost 32, but I feel like i'm much older, that's what years of stress do to you. Like the saying goes, only the strong do survive, so give yourselves credit for still being in hell! :lol:

 

[Mindfit]

My site being listed

Hi all, it was my site and hypnosis mp3 that knuckleflash mentioned in their post, I found this site after checking out some of the referring pages in my Statistics.

So first off, I have no idea who they are and if my session helped them ... I am thankful they are sharing that success. I did read some of the post and I got to say, while the internet is a great resource, man what a load of shit can get posted here as well.

Quetzalcoatl, for someone that admits they don't use medication or therapy, and insists Social Phobia can't be cured, is as stupid as a 3 yr old telling a dentist the cookie monster causes cavities. There is nothing sadder in my opinion than a creationist without any knowledge on science telling people that evolution must be wrong because it would mean they would have to change their mind about their religion. It would seem the same thing is going on here with social phobia.

Phobias are a reaction in the brain to a learned experience either conscious known or unknown, it makes no difference. There are THOUSANDS of scientific studies that show to the point it can be said proven that the brain is constantly making new associations and changing physically. It's call neuro plasticity or more simply 'learning'. What is learned can be forgotten or changed. This is a fact and I can't imagine why anyone would want to defend there non attempt to change a phobia.

Having said that, with a load of studies showing the effectiveness of getting rid of phobias, there is no need to even consider woo woo therapies like EFT or homepathy or talking to a channeled dolphin through some aging hippy. The bottomline is what you focus on with create a stronger reaction in your brain. By constantly worrying and talking and supporting a belief (such as a forum or a church) you will entrain more easily the behaviour your focusing on. Using Hypnosis or NLP or even a much slower method like CBT when you change your focus the end result is it becomes more difficult to illicit the old phobia response. This is basic psychology... and I mean basic, so it really makes me sad to see people with no knowledge on the subject except they suffer from a condition telling others they can't change, don't want to try and change, are happy to get attention from the condition so NO ONE else should be able to do change either.

For those that do want to change again here it is plain and simple. We all share the same brain structure and ability (exceptions being some conditions ....but not phobias). The only difference in someones beliefs or attitudes or behaviours is the way the brain is wired up. The wiring can be changed, it can be different, this is obvious because some people have phobias and some do not, some people believe in an invisible creator myth to the point where they spend their life trying to convine others of it or blow themselves up... The key is to create new wiring in your brain new reactions new attitudes and the way you do that is to focus on how you want to be and not feed the wiring for how you already are. It is easy, and it's already been on TV. Tony Robbins got his start doing 5 minute phobia cures on TV live. So do other people. Don't give up, just change your focus and find something that has been shown to work. Check the psychology studies online, try products others have found helpful, but don't bitch and feel sorry for yourself your only feeding the fire.

 

[Icecube]

well it surprises me that many here just believe the OP knuckleflash like that. First posters who come with a long story of how they got cured with a link referring to some guru or method sound usually fishy to me as well. When I saw that link to the david deangelo dvd's, it was clear to me that this is david himself posting, trying to sell his dvd's. It's also quite unbelievable to claim that you never experienced any sort of fear since you were "cured". (practically all people experience fear in some situations, even if it's mild or for just a moment). Note that the OP actually signed his post with the name 'David' ! I guess you forgot to hide your signature when you posted, huh :roll:
I wouldn't even mind if you gave some publicity here for your DVD's, as long as you don't pretend to be someone else, claiming you had SP and got recovered thx to your own program.

And plse don't bash free methods like EFT, if you hadn't tried them yourself or you're just jealous and afraid that they might work for some people. If you would be truly interested in helping other people, then you wouldn't turn down other methods like that and lie to people to sell your own stuff, Mindset/knuckleflash or should I just call you 'David'? :lol:

 

[Hazel]

The mp3 site that Mindset says is his has no relation to the David D'angelo dvd's.

It would make no sense that this was actually David D'Angelo because he would want people to BUY his dvds, but the link from the OP is for an illegal torrent download of the DVD's. D'Angelo makes no money when people choose to download the dvd's in this manner.

I'm sure that people post here all the time trying to make money, but in this case I just don't see it. If the OP posted the amazon page for D'angelo's dvd's - fine, but that isn't the case.