tweetebird
Well-known member
have no friends in their local area currently? *raising hand* What is the most difficult aspect of friendship for you? Starting one? Maintaining one?
How many
- Thread starter tweetebird
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vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
I don't, just started college where I actually know no one (bittersweet) Every part of friendship has become difficult for me. I for one cannot even imagine starting one. The last new "friend" I had was a girl who insisted on talking to me everyday, and if she wasn't so patient and kindhearted it would've never happened. Once in a friendship I could never be personal AT ALL, so I can't make it evolve for sure. As far as maintaining them, I've pushed more friends away than I have pulled in, probably because they knew what was best for them (not me).
If I had to identify a most difficult part it would be the initiating of the friendship and getting to a more "comfortable" place.
If I had to identify a most difficult part it would be the initiating of the friendship and getting to a more "comfortable" place.
Starting one 
. Though I seem to be getting better at it recently...
. Though I seem to be getting better at it recently... 
Solitude
Well-known member
Maintaining for sure. I have pushed everyone close to me away. I had friends in the past... even not too long ago. I always do stupid things like flake on plans at the last minute or don't answer the phone. I don't know how many times people would call me, but I would just watch the phone ring because I didn't want to talk to anyone. Yeah, that doesn't keep friends around very long.
I have one, but he doesn't have time for me unless non of his friends want to hang out with him, and when he's not obsessing about a girl. I'm the backup, basically.. And since he got his drivers license I don't speak with him at all anymore.
It's sad because we used to be really close. :C
It's sad because we used to be really close. :C
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I have two friends and some acquaintances. I rarely see my friends. We've only hung out once or twice this year actually. I see the acquaintances around school or on the bus, but I try to avoid them or I don't give much to our conversations.
I used to try but I recently gave up. I'm embracing the idea of being a hermit, haha. It's bad, I know...but I've been happy this year. I'm not faking it anymore. Hanging out is painful for me and I'm not going to pretend it's fun anymore. My siblings are like my best friends now anyways and they don't trigger anxiety in me.
This behavior is probably going to hit me in the face years from now, but eh. I don't...really care.
I see the acquaintances around school or on the bus, but I try to avoid them or I don't give much to our conversations. I used to try but I recently gave up. I'm embracing the idea of being a hermit, haha. It's bad, I know...but I've been happy this year. I'm not faking it anymore. Hanging out is painful for me and I'm not going to pretend it's fun anymore. My siblings are like my best friends now anyways and they don't trigger anxiety in me.
This behavior is probably going to hit me in the face years from now, but eh. I don't...really care.
Starting one as well as maintaining one is equally hard. I used to have friends back in school and many friends I met online. Only one is left now. Oh, and I´ve never had a boyfriend which is my own fault though. I don´t go out much so no chance to get one anyway. Sometimes I feel like I´m not worth having friends and I wouldn´t be a good girlfriend either.
I was thinking about attending some sort of a course, a language course maybe. Gives you one thing you have in common with the people there plus you are forced to talk. It would be a start.
I was thinking about attending some sort of a course, a language course maybe. Gives you one thing you have in common with the people there plus you are forced to talk. It would be a start.
I used to hang around very crooked people. Drug users, thieves, all around criminal. I wont say this contributes to my problems completely, because it doesn't. Though it certainly set a wicked stage. Long story short I got out of that scene. Though now when I seek better friends (even at church), I get paranoid and intensely uncomfortable. The more friendly someone approaches me, the worse I feel. I just can't help but believe they're trying to trick me. Now I just avoid people all together. Entering public is like stepping onto a totally foreign planet. This is my dilemma
tweetebird
Well-known member
I have this same problem. I wouldn't say I have had such a dark past as you, but I think I have attract more than my fair share of perverts, weirdos, manipulators, etc. It's probably because my shyness combined with low self esteem puts a pretty big blinking sign on my head to users. I also react the same way as you to friendly people. Though I really would like healthy friendships, it tends to freak me out, and raise my levels of anxiety when someone shows interest. I wonder what their REAL intentions are...
Imaginary_Light
Member
I'm at university and don't have any friends here. I'm trying hard to change that though.
AimeeSP
Well-known member
I find it hard making a friendship, but i think i find it harder maintaining a friendship as i've noticed since my friends have known about my depression and anxiety they become less interested. The only group of friends i have locally are going to Uni very soon, i'll have one friend left here who seems to like that she has that type of hold on me it seems, like she loves that she's my only friend and doesn't want me to meet new people. Maybe i'm wrong but it seems that way.
The only group of friends i have locally are going to Uni very soon, i'll have one friend left here who seems to like that she has that type of hold on me it seems, like she loves that she's my only friend and doesn't want me to meet new people. Maybe i'm wrong but it seems that way. 
EscapeArtist
Well-known member
The most difficult aspect of friendship... 1. Finding people with similar interests who are my age. This is by far the most challenging thing. I do not know another 17 year old who is into "getting back to nature", health, balance or taoism, or who frowns upon other 17-year-old values. 2. Making conversation. Quite obvious that this would come. I do not understand small talk, I dive quickly into heavy topics that others prefer not to speak of or acknowledge. Often described as too intense, especially seeing that most people my age only want to party and not think. 3. Finding somebody who is respectable without feeling inferior to them. Basically if I find somebody that seems like a wonderful friend-match, I push myself away before I can "damage" them, because I consider my long-term presence damaging to others. oh and 4. Being honest. I am used to distrusting others and being secretive, being honest is still new to me, I'm having to practice being honest to myself on a regular basis. By honesty, I mean acknowledging my instinctual wants rather than what I think is more rational to want, choosing feeling over thinking is essential for an emotional connection and it's something I have trouble with.
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sanitariumcalls
Well-known member
I have a few real friends, but not technically local. One of my closest ones just started at a University on the other side of the state :-(
The couple "almost friends" I knew in town, from school, were flukes. One was all about herself and the other one just wouldn't stfu...
The couple "almost friends" I knew in town, from school, were flukes. One was all about herself and the other one just wouldn't stfu...
I've had lots of friends from Uni days, most of them are state-wide.. Some are closer, but happily married or partnered up.. So it feels like they're 'away' somehow.. We just don't do stuff we used to anymore, like hiking, walking, rollerblading together, going dancing/partying etc. We still see each other occasionally, it's just not the same..
And there are no single people with my (eco) interests locally that I would know of, even just to find 'single people' it's tough.. (a few I know have had severe (diagnosed) mental health problems and well, I feel I can't really handle that, tried it but you may need expert knowledge/volunteer support for that..)
I actually know more single guys, but I was usually friends with girls, guys were for dating lol - don't want it to be like I'm interested in them or something, and sometimes guys can misinterpret it, I'd really like a group of people we can go walking/hiking with (that are not too sportsy or too much into something like yoga) or do interesting stuff, not sure how that would happen anyway.. It just happened in the past, usually via other friends or relatives.. I don't really know how to be friends with guys either... (?)
I have a local friend but she's usurped my time in the past (had me as her unofficial 'therapist' and 'venting buddy' while having other priorities in some other cases) so I'm cautious there too.. It may be okay to vent sometimes or hang out, she's not a most constructive person to hang around with either.. (Has lots of own problems etc)
So, yeah, I'd wish more local friends.. Or at least RL in my country, and/or worldwide who'd understand me and be sort of a constructive influence in my life..
And there are no single people with my (eco) interests locally that I would know of, even just to find 'single people' it's tough.. (a few I know have had severe (diagnosed) mental health problems and well, I feel I can't really handle that, tried it but you may need expert knowledge/volunteer support for that..)
I actually know more single guys, but I was usually friends with girls, guys were for dating lol - don't want it to be like I'm interested in them or something, and sometimes guys can misinterpret it, I'd really like a group of people we can go walking/hiking with (that are not too sportsy or too much into something like yoga) or do interesting stuff, not sure how that would happen anyway.. It just happened in the past, usually via other friends or relatives.. I don't really know how to be friends with guys either... (?)
I have a local friend but she's usurped my time in the past (had me as her unofficial 'therapist' and 'venting buddy' while having other priorities in some other cases) so I'm cautious there too.. It may be okay to vent sometimes or hang out, she's not a most constructive person to hang around with either.. (Has lots of own problems etc)
So, yeah, I'd wish more local friends.. Or at least RL in my country, and/or worldwide who'd understand me and be sort of a constructive influence in my life..