...or I should rather say: how I plan to accept who I am and live with SA. Because I know I will never be the outgoing, popular one. I will never have a lot of friends because I don't want any more friends than I already have. I love my quiet lifestyle and all I want is to feel comfortable enough in my own little world to take on the personal challenges that make my life worthwhile.
How will I do this?
1. Strengthen my existing personal relationships.
~I'm lucky in that I have a large family, and I count my parents and siblings among my friends. If I can strengthen my bond with my family members by emailing or calling them more often, and making more of an effort to be a part of their lives, then I will have strengthened my most basic support network.
~I have maybe three friends back from my high school days who still mean something to me. If I can make more of an effort to email them, just keeping in touch some way that is not just on Facebook, then I will feel like they are really and truly my friends.
~Every day I make a conscious effort to strengthen my relationship with my partner. Relationships are work, and romantic relationships especially so. If I keep up with the maintenance, I can hang on to the most important companion in my life.
2. Get settled professionally.
~For so long I have been struggling through college, struggling to find a job I like, struggling to fit in wherever I go and not having any success because I just keep moving along from one place to another. Not anymore. I have finally found a job that suits me, and even though it doesn't pay much, I am determined to keep it for as long as they will have me.
~The longer I work at my job, and make an effort to be open and cheerful with others, the easier things get. I feel happier at work, I enjoy going to work, and every week I interact just a tiny bit more with people that I was too scared to acknowledge just a few months ago. It takes just a little bit of chipping away at my anxiety, a little bit of challenge each week to get me to start feeling comfortable.
~Not only do I want to settle in at work, but I want to excel. Going to events and seminars and conferences with my coworkers is terrifying, but it has been extremely helpful in getting myself noticed by people I work with, who then feel more comfortable around me and who start treating me as one of the team. That's a good feeling.
3. Become a part of my community.
~In just three days, I will be moving into a permanent residence for pretty much the first time in my life. All my life it has been a constant stream of new houses, new neighborhoods, new environments to get used to but never to get settled in for long.
~Our new neighborhood is a quirky, quaint little "town" in the middle of the city, where people take pride in their surroundings and make an effort to actually be a community. There will be a wealth of opportunity for me to get involved and get to know my neighbors. There are festivals and town meetings, spring plant swaps, a community garden, and neighborhood volleyball games during warmer months. If I can get settled in to this community and call it my own, I will feel that much more comfortable to get out and pursue things that may have scared me too badly once before.
I know these methods won't work for everyone with SA, but I wanted to give an example of how I intend to work around, and through, my challenge to become a better person. The more settled I get in these three areas, the braver and more motivated I will be to take on new challenges in life. For me, it's all about building a solid base, a structure that I never had while growing up. Once I have this, I'm pretty sure that my SA won't be as much of an issue anymore. At least, that's the plan.
How will I do this?
1. Strengthen my existing personal relationships.
~I'm lucky in that I have a large family, and I count my parents and siblings among my friends. If I can strengthen my bond with my family members by emailing or calling them more often, and making more of an effort to be a part of their lives, then I will have strengthened my most basic support network.
~I have maybe three friends back from my high school days who still mean something to me. If I can make more of an effort to email them, just keeping in touch some way that is not just on Facebook, then I will feel like they are really and truly my friends.
~Every day I make a conscious effort to strengthen my relationship with my partner. Relationships are work, and romantic relationships especially so. If I keep up with the maintenance, I can hang on to the most important companion in my life.
2. Get settled professionally.
~For so long I have been struggling through college, struggling to find a job I like, struggling to fit in wherever I go and not having any success because I just keep moving along from one place to another. Not anymore. I have finally found a job that suits me, and even though it doesn't pay much, I am determined to keep it for as long as they will have me.
~The longer I work at my job, and make an effort to be open and cheerful with others, the easier things get. I feel happier at work, I enjoy going to work, and every week I interact just a tiny bit more with people that I was too scared to acknowledge just a few months ago. It takes just a little bit of chipping away at my anxiety, a little bit of challenge each week to get me to start feeling comfortable.
~Not only do I want to settle in at work, but I want to excel. Going to events and seminars and conferences with my coworkers is terrifying, but it has been extremely helpful in getting myself noticed by people I work with, who then feel more comfortable around me and who start treating me as one of the team. That's a good feeling.
3. Become a part of my community.
~In just three days, I will be moving into a permanent residence for pretty much the first time in my life. All my life it has been a constant stream of new houses, new neighborhoods, new environments to get used to but never to get settled in for long.
~Our new neighborhood is a quirky, quaint little "town" in the middle of the city, where people take pride in their surroundings and make an effort to actually be a community. There will be a wealth of opportunity for me to get involved and get to know my neighbors. There are festivals and town meetings, spring plant swaps, a community garden, and neighborhood volleyball games during warmer months. If I can get settled in to this community and call it my own, I will feel that much more comfortable to get out and pursue things that may have scared me too badly once before.
I know these methods won't work for everyone with SA, but I wanted to give an example of how I intend to work around, and through, my challenge to become a better person. The more settled I get in these three areas, the braver and more motivated I will be to take on new challenges in life. For me, it's all about building a solid base, a structure that I never had while growing up. Once I have this, I'm pretty sure that my SA won't be as much of an issue anymore. At least, that's the plan.
