How do you approach unapproachable people?

[SilentAndShy]

I'm consumed by nerves, apprehension, even fear when approaching my boss at times.

She's a very hands-on, at times, micro-manager of people that alienates people and recently, I've detected that maybe she's changed towards me although can't say for sure.

I've made a few big mistakes that has, I felt, made me wary about asking for help from her, or clarifying things with her because I fear being dismissed, shouted at or found to be doing something wrong.

Has anyone got some advice on how to approach people you might be fearful or apprehensive of or people who you find difficult to approach?

 

[Hellhound]

Are you obligated to approach her? If not, there's no need for you to do so.

 

[SilentAndShy]

Are you obligated to approach her? If not, there's no need for you to do so.

Yes, at times. I conduct the admin and alot of times have to approach her for stuff.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Its a good idea to think more externally, and basically 'prepare' before you go and ask her.

Why you're going to ask her,
Have you considered all your options before approaching her,
Is there someone else you can ask for advice before asking your boss

Thinking more externally as you decide to seek her opinion is the key. Don't be focused on your being nervous, and dont mind read (what you think shes thinking or going to say).

Do think about the reason you're seeking her as you walk to her. It'll help take your mind off of your negative assumptions. Remember, think externally.

It's so mentally draining to be overly concerned about what people think, and if your boss is a half decent boss she'll appreciate you coming to her with a genuine problem for her opinion.
Good luck

 

[SilentAndShy]

^Thank you. I try preparing, going through my mind what I'm going to say but find that makes me more anxious so when I do go to her, I stumble and stutter, my voice lowers.

I should maybe try just going without preparing, or having a brief thing in my mind why I'm going to her.

 

[williamreinsch]

I find that preparing too much makes me way more anxious. As long as I know roughly what i want to say I try to get it out of the way as soon as the opportunity arises. As soon as it does and the adrenaline kicks I try to just ride with it. I notice the longer i put it off the more it plays on my mind.

I hope this helps, it has done for me in the past when confronting someone i'm scared of.

 

[PugofCrydee]

yea I didn't mean to make it sound like you should over think the situation.

Gather your thoughts on why you're approaching her, when you do, get to the point.
But don't focus on the wrong things. Like, 'I'm so nervous, does she like me..what if she thinks I'm stupid, I'm going to muck this up...' etc.
Focus more externally - more on the reason you need to ask her something.
Keep it simple

 

[MotherWolff]

Are you obligated to approach her? If not, there's no need for you to do so.

I totally agree with you. Why the heck should anyone have to approach someone they'd rather not approach if they really don't have to?

Even though I am aware of that, I sometimes feel guilty when I avoid people....even people I am ok with.

Sometimes I want to be left alone in my thoughts.

Should we feel guilty when we do things like that?

 

[Kiwong]

with a gps.

 

[SilentAndShy]

My line manager who I am apprehensive of at times, has given her notice in! Not getting carried away but a new face might help relax me. But on other hand, getting carried away thinking might have more work to do as she has helped in doing some of my admin tasks. She might not even leave anyway.

Also, have to try and prove myself to a new person. I'm not so sure new person will be that sympathetic of my lack of confidence/assertiveness issues.