How do you answer generic questions from co-workers??

[ABCguy]

Hi everyone. Been a long time reader but finally have the courage to finally post something. I hope this isn't a weird topic.

Questions like "what did you get up to on the weekend?" or "did you go anywhere/get up to anything for your holidays?".

I have a hard time answering these types of questions at work because I am shy, live mostly a solitude life and enjoy the relaxation of not dealing with people and friends on my weekends. Usually I spend my weekends playing games and I feel scared saying this because of the fear that they might think I'm not normal. By their definition of normal I mean hanging out with people, going clubbing, drinking until you vomit etc etc.

Initially I gave the reply of "Oh didn't do much, just did some R&R" but I can't keep using that every time obviously so I've started fabricating lies of hanging out with "friends" just to not seem weird.

It's getting to the point that I get scared of Mondays because of those questions and starting to try my best to avoid co-workers every Monday. Can anyone relate or knows how to deal with these types of questions?

 

[mrb]

How to Become a Good Liar | eHow.com hope this helps lol .......

 

[k123dave]

I tend to use generic answers like; tidying the house, relaxing, researching, working on computer stuff. I do these things everyday, so I'm not lying!

I can understand your point, and it does get tedious answering the same questions every week; why do they want to know?!

 

[market.garden]

I just flat out lie nowadays. Sometimes I'll have something genuine to say, like if I went to the cinema/played football or something, but most of the time I just go with the usual "I just relaxed at home" answer.

Lying can be fun! Go wild

 

[I_jailed_me]

Just say thats none of your business and punch them right on their face!!lol.. You could either do that or just tell them you had to do stuff with your family or brother etc.,

 

[apollo]

I used to lie and make up stuff like went out with friends. But I realized most people don't give a damn. The're just asking for the sake of asking. I tell them the truth. I went to the movies blah blah or I did absolutely nothing. What's wrong with that!

 

[Lost Girl]

My man's uncle loves to take it that step further. He'll say something like "So what have YOU been up to?" And he'll say it in a way that everyone will stop and turn to look at me (he does this by poking me in the belly or talking louder than necessary). To which my lame, usual response will be something like, "oh, nothing much really..." To which he will then respond "OK, OK, but WHAT IS IT that you do? What do you do? Tell me what you do?" To which I'll give a list of my usual daily things and throw in any other out-of-the-ordinary experience that has happened in the last 3 months in for good measure. He's never satisfied with the answer and there is always a bit of an awkward silence afterward. He's a good bloke, really. I think he genuinely is confused about how I can stay indoors all day, he's someone who HAS to constantly be moving and busy so, I can see why he would be. And you'd think after a couple of years of this I'd work out something to say, but he still gets me, every time.

 

[Falkor]

It's good to be honest. But I know it's not ''cool'' to say that you didn't do much at the weekends. But it could be positive, because when they know you don't do much, they would ask you, ''hey, maybe we can hang out at the weekends?'' you never know..
Btw what kind of work do u do ?

 

[Demnos]

I’m sure I’m going to be accused of “not understanding” or of “oversimplifying”, but please, take it from someone who once was, and is no longer, socially phobic: if you were just honest, and said that, “I actually don’t get up to much other than reading and listening to a bit of music. I don’t really understand the whole ‘social-jungle’”, people would actually let their guard down around you.

It’s the whole “finger pointing to the moon” analogy, isn’t it? You’re so worried about finding the “right answer” that you’ve completely neglected the simple innocence of the question.

 

[Emily_G]

Usually I'd just say "Nothing really, hung out at home". If I did something I'll tell them...but usually I dont.

 

[Demnos]

*laughs*

you know you guys are actually REHERSING the answers to a question that is in no way implicative, right?

unless your honest answer is "i ate my neighbours and went to a KKK meeting" no one is going to think any less of you!

there is no right answer! just tell them what you did at the weekend and maybe (if you feel it is absolutely necessary) caveat that with why you did it.

 

[Emily_G]

*laughs*

you know you guys are actually REHERSING the answers to a question that is in no way implicative, right?

unless your honest answer is "i ate my neighbours and went to a KKK meeting" no one is going to think any less of you!

there is no right answer! just tell them what you did at the weekend and maybe (if you feel it is absolutely necessary) caveat that with why you did it.

You know this is a SA and SA-related conditions forum right?

I reherse a lot of what I will eventually have to say. I feel more prepared, more relaxed because I"m less likely to say something stupid, and I'm not second guessing myself afterwards (well sometimes I still do).

 

[ABCguy]

Saskia: I work as an accountant, so it's easy to avoid people if I stay in my cubicle. I mean I can talk easily when it comes to questions related to work but when it comes to social questions about my personal life then that's where it gets to me.

But you guys gave some good ideas like tidying up the house. Haven't used that one before. Nice!

 

[Rxqueen]

Most of the time I avoid ppl at all costs and if that doesn't work I lie and say I went to see a recent movie that came out or I was hanging out with friends or something of that nature. I find that if you avoid ppl enough they stop asking you questions But of course isn't really a good solution is it?

 

[Rxqueen]

*laughs*

you know you guys are actually REHERSING the answers to a question that is in no way implicative, right?

unless your honest answer is "i ate my neighbours and went to a KKK meeting" no one is going to think any less of you!

there is no right answer! just tell them what you did at the weekend and maybe (if you feel it is absolutely necessary) caveat that with why you did it.

Just so you know spite doesn't help much. Obviously most ppl on this thread know what you said is true, but we can't help but obsess over it b/c of sa. I mean that's the way I feel. Even though it might not matter to others if I feel I said something stupid or abnormal I torture myself over it for weeks at a time.

Sorry, I just don't appreciate feeling worse after coming to a thread I thought was supposed to make me feel better.

I'm done ranting now....

 

[Joan6466]

That's such a good subject- I remember my own struggle with it.
When people ask, "What did you do over the weekend, etc.- they are trying to be polite. Every culture has some variation of this. It's part of being a social being. When you walk down a hall, people will acknowledge you, "How's it going?"
We usually are our own worst enemy- we think, good grief, I didn't do anything worthwhile mentioning- I didn't climb a mountain, achieve world peace- we are perfectionistically critiquing ourselves- we also assume they are, but it is US who make that assumption. So we respond very vaguely- "Oh nothing much" which deadends any subject, and still keeps the spotlight on us.
The question points the attention at you, which at this point in your social anxiety, is the last thing you want. Instead, give a specific- I don't care how dull you think it is-say, " I sat down and watched the movie,"......". "Well, I played the game....". You're helping them out because it triggers their memory and gives them a chance to share something. Smile when you share a small specific,(practice in front of your mirror) and then shoot a question back, or you still will have the spotlight on you. "How about you- what did you do for fun this weekend?"
Honor these attempts you make- they feel awkward as the devil when you begin- but you must praise yourself for the effort- "good for me- I spoke two sentences that time!" "I remembered to shoot a question back that time. I'm proud of myself". You won't believe it,(assimilate) but you must say it to yourself.
I'm not socially phobic anymore- and I was the worst of the worst.In the beginning I really had nothing to talk about, because social terror had prevented me from exploring anything. I didn't have a clue what I enjoyed
because every action was tortuous. It is not a life sentence, I assure you.

 

[Scooter]

Just so you know spite doesn't help much. Obviously most ppl on this thread know what you said is true, but we can't help but obsess over it b/c of sa. I mean that's the way I feel. Even though it might not matter to others if I feel I said something stupid or abnormal I torture myself over it for weeks at a time.

Sorry, I just don't appreciate feeling worse after coming to a thread I thought was supposed to make me feel better.

I'm done ranting now....

So very true on the SA point, I too obsess over everything I say to others. But I did get a chuckle from the original comment

 

[Demnos]

wow.

genuinly sorry, guys. i assure you i laugh at my own problems just as openly.

i've lost two grandparents and three friends in the past two years and i still appreciate the irony of the circumstances under which they died. so please don't assume that i'm laughing at your situation because it isn't serious, but rather, in the great cosmic scheme of things, i find almost all the tragedies that stem from ego, vanity or folly to be the most attractive aspect of human nature.

again; genuinly sorry. i understand that it is an uphill battle and i'm certainly not trying to belittle that. perspective is everything.

to illustrate how intrinsically i'm aware of this: i had a girlfriend in highschool who worked for a rival gang to the one i was employed by, and she was abused sexually and physically by the boyfriends of her mother (herself a native american prostitute) and eventually gangraped just before i met her. she is now the happy mother of four beautiful kids and one of the most decent, genuine, gratuitous people i've ever met. i had another friend in Germany who was born into a very wealthy family and who's first car was a Porsche 911. he commited suicide in university when he failed an exam because he was terrified of how his parents would react.

specifically: pain is how you interperate a situation. it is not a situation in and of itself.

of course... i do think it is quite ironic that you wish you were like "everyone else" (whatever that means) and then reprimand me when i treat you like "everyone else".

but maybe that's just me (i'm sure it is, actually. i tend not to be invited to funerals anymore, if you can't tell).

 

[PhantomPod]

My boss will come around on Fridays sometimes telling people to have a nice weekend or asking what people's plans are for the weekend. I always say, "oh, nothing too exciting. Just hanging around or whatever." Well at my work groups holiday party this year, my boss came and he asked me what I was doing that weekend and I said my usual, "nothing much" and he actually said, "How come every time I ask you what you're doing you say nothing?" And inside I was kind of like 'uhhhh, wtf' but I just sort of made it into a joke and was like, "why, are you throwing a big party this weekend that you want to invite me too!?" lol


I used to be quite anxious about being asked this question on Mondays, but now I don't mind so much and I just say, "oh not much" or tell a quick thing I did if I went to the mall or sat home and watched a specific movie. But I used to think I had to make things up to make myself seem "cool" and "normal."

I'm quite like you in that I ENJOY spending quiet weekends at home and just doing my own thing like surfing the internet, reading, watching a movie, doing a puzzle, playing piano, whatever it may be! I don't enjoy so much the times that I actually have gone out to bars and gone clubbing and gotten drunk. I, honestly, don't understand how people can do that all the time. I got drunk a few times and have been hungover a few times and let me just say that it really is not one of my favorite past times. I much more enjoy just staying in and watching a movie thank you very much lol.

 

[sara1975]

I use to hate it when new people would ask me 'what do you do for a living' i wouldn't know what to say as i have only ever had one job which lasted 6 months.
If i was in the pub with my friend and someone new was there i would start to feel panic cos i knew they would ask me what i do, so one day when i was asked 'what do you do for a living' i replied 'nothing i'm mental' and just smiled
Well that stopped the conversation in its tracks because what does the other person say??
Maybe instead of always feeling panicky and having to feel like you should lie you should tell the truth?? say i don't go out much because of??? i am guessing SA, so maybe just tell them and then they wont keep asking you.
You could turn it in to a joke like i did, id say 'i don't go out much cos i have SA and after the biting incident i am not allowed to mingle with the public
If you tell them the truth but make it lighthearted and no big deal they wont see it as a big deal either.