How are you feeling?

Meaningless actions , and illusions. That's what it feels like when I think about my life. its a bad thing, so much negativity.

springk said: ↑

Those kind of relationship sucks, where there isn't love nothing matters. I am sorry you feel that way Graeme, and its really unfortunate that you have to deal with it.

Yeah... But ye git use tae it. Jist fake a smile an' pretend yer happy - everything's fine. :sad:

Stayed home the whole day doing nothing and this makes me feel very lazy and dull. Ate a whole dark chocolate bar an hour ago and I feel so much energy now...

DeadSummer said: ↑

I can´t imagine doing nothing at all. How about cleaning or doing daily routines at least?

Actually with doing nothing at all I mean sitting the whole day in front of my pc or laying on my bed playing on my phone, doing nothing relevant, I did cook today though but other than that I did nothing else important.

Ah jist want tae be alone for the rest o' ma days. Ah've jist hud enough o' huvin tae feign interest, huvin ma personality prescribed tae me - whit ah should an' shouldnae like. Bein' introduced tae people who ah'll like because we've got yin thing in common. Sorry, but no - that isnae gonnae work. Also, ah cannae begin tae even comprehend why people take a likin' tae the cynical, depressed, lifeless, angry, indifferent, introvert Scottish c*nt that I am.

Fur yer ain guid, jist leave me alone. That's no' askin' too much, is it?

Ah don't like being around people, especially those people who force themselves intae yer space, an' try tae convince you that ye should be happy because... well, it could be worse. Oh, aye, that much better. F**k you very much! Y'know tha kinda folk ah'm oan aboot? The happy, upbeat, outgoin' types that make you seem like an extra fae a George Romero zombie movie.

As well as makin' yer life total suck by comparison. :sad:

Sorry tae be a right downer, jist ventin'... :kickingmyself:

We live in a meritocracy. The have accomplished and the failures.

ImNotMyIllness said: ↑

We live in a meritocracy. The have accomplished and the failures.

Actually it's a mix of meritocracy and lucktocracy. Many(most) "winners" had help.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is the most lonely person.

True! Because they try so hard and sometimes they don't get it back. That hurts.

I'm okay i guess, it's midnight and i'm just on the couch internetting..tomorrow a free day so just stay up. I had a joint tonight and i enjoyed it, felt the nice fresh shower, drinked hot chocolate milk at the coffeeshop. so refreshing after a joint. i do that once a month, am not an addict 🙂. and today i did shopping for a traditional dutch feast tomorrow, so i'll get 7 presents and the other ppl get 7 presents.

I feel a bit scared tho cuz i'll celebrate it at my girlfriends family. that freaks me out . dunno even why? anybody knows ?? i feel so stiff and tensed around ppl, always. cant shake that feeling off. i just need a bunch of xanax or valium before i go. or have some wine i guess. but i hope it'll be fun....

and xmas is coming up....we'll celebrate it at my family... that's not too scary cuz i feel good around them, and old years eve im gonna gourmet with my girlfriend and celebrate it the two of us...hopefully we can see firework from our balcony....

lol i typed so much....its 2 am and still so active, hmmm....

Please please please, I need a different life. I am soooo bored. Everything is just the same, and this life is not gonna last forever.

Why can't ah git ma way, jist once? Ah want tae be happy, but in order for that tae happen ah huv tae distance masel' fae certain people in ma life who've hurt me an' made me feel miserable. Sorry, but ye gotta go... Ah don't see the point in keepin' up this farce anymore.

So far I'm feeling alright. I'm hoping this day gets better though. Woke up not to long ago and it's raining and that always puts me down in the dumps, but hopefully that'll turn around soon.

I felt moody this morning because i had to clean my appartment...😮

then i had relaxation therapy and that was all right i guess cuz i'm still stiff and tensed and can't relax....how to relax when nothing works? not even a shower or anything? damn FML about this.

But yeah, hopefully this will go away soon ._.

I feel super lonely. I have serious problem I guess. I have to get over this asap. I am pretty much alone. Talking over phone isnt helping, and internet makes it worse. I am so fed up. I am ashamed at my need to companionship. Can't I be alone? Is it so hard? Why do I need people to text me or care about me. Who am I , just a green dot on screen! All my depression seems like a sham. There are ppl who have real life, friends, partner. I can just look at them and feel jealous, I have to realize that my life can never be like that.

springk said: ↑

I feel super lonely. I have serious problem I guess. I have to get over this asap. I am pretty much alone. Talking over phone isnt helping, and internet makes it worse. I am so fed up. I am ashamed at my need to companionship. Can't I be alone? Is it so hard? Why do I need people to text me or care about me. Who am I , just a green dot on screen! All my depression seems like a sham. There are ppl who have real life, friends, partner. I can just look at them and feel jealous, I have to realize that my life can never be like that.

Ah was jist gonnae post summit similar, spring. Ah can definitely, relate, sadly. Well kinda - though, ah don't envy those ah see with friend because it doesnae help any. The "Who am I?" bit, most definitely. Ah'm still tryin' tae figure oot an answer tae that question.

Sorry tae hear yer feelin' the way ye do. Hope ye find somethin' tae make ye feel a wee bit better. :thumbup:

Ah jist want this all tae end... The shame, the guilt, that voice that constantly tell me ah'll never be guid enough. The disappointment o' not livin' up tae other people's expectations. The pressure tae be jist like everyone but knowin' I can't do that. Because ah don't want tae be like everyone else.

The fact ah huv tae depend upon people who ah no longer love, because they've hurt me deeply in the past. An' yet they somehow deserve my forgiven, instantly, because they're family. Despite me still resentin' the fact I continue tae have them around me. While ah'd much rather keep them outta ma life so ah can move oan.

Ah wonder if ah'll ever be happy...? :sad:

I'm feeling ok so far, but think its because I have been left alone lol. x

I wish I can just cease to exist. If only that was possible. I am sick of all the desires that are pointless and unreal. I am tired of trying to reach out. I know I don't matter. Even if I do, its just a tiny part of their life and they probably never think of me. I am not a friend to them. They don't want to connect with me like I want to with them. I don't blame them. They have a life of their own. I am just a person who can never get enough may be, I just try to take everything I can to just fill the deep emptiness within me. And I guess its better if they are not much attached to me. Good for them. I am just fooling myself by believing they are my friends. No one is, and no one can afford to be, I am not meant to be a friend. I don't know why dont I just stop existing. What's the logic behind all this torture.

springk said: ↑

I wish I can just cease to exist. If only that was possible. I am sick of all the desires that are pointless and unreal. I am tired of trying to reach out. I know I don't matter. Even if I do, its just a tiny part of their life and they probably never think of me. I am not a friend to them. They don't want to connect with me like I want to with them. I don't blame them. They have a life of their own. I am just a person who can never get enough may be, I just try to take everything I can to just fill the deep emptiness within me. And I guess its better if they are not much attached to me. Good for them. I am just fooling myself by believing they are my friends. No one is, and no one can afford to be, I am not meant to be a friend. I don't know why dont I just stop existing. What's the logic behind all this torture.

Ye jist articulate ma thoughts an' how ah feel, spring. Wird fur wird, tae. And in English... 🤭 Sorry, that jist made me laugh a wee bit, not laugh at you. But, laughs aside, ah cun relate tae this aw too well. Sorry yer feelin' that way.

* Big virtual hug tae you, spring.

How um ah feelin'...? Fed-up wi' constantly huvin tae please other people, sick of being pressure intae social situations ah don't feel comfortable in. Wish people would jist accept the fact ah prefer ma alone time tae be in the company of others, when ah feel most alone.