Slightly freaking out because the hospital called and wants an appointment with me today for my psychiatrist. I was told it would be at least a months wait. Well, here we are, a week later.
I'm feeling really low about myself. The fact that I'm seeing a psychiatrist today, my normal therapist tomorrow, and my doctor on Monday all about my depression just makes me feel like a loser. Like I can't even handle myself. If I never experienced my recent loss, I'd be ok how I was, clawing through life. Now I'm just existing and I feel so pathetic.
Going through a loss takes time. Be easy and gentle with yourself. You're getting help, that's wonderful. I am sure with time you will feel better.
Slightly freaking out because the hospital called and wants an appointment with me today for my psychiatrist. I was told it would be at least a months wait. Well, here we are, a week later.
I'm feeling really low about myself. The fact that I'm seeing a psychiatrist today, my normal therapist tomorrow, and my doctor on Monday all about my depression just makes me feel like a loser. Like I can't even handle myself. If I never experienced my recent loss, I'd be ok how I was, clawing through life. Now I'm just existing and I feel so pathetic.
I agree with Molly: you're going out and getting all the help you can. It doesn't make you a pathetic person at all. We all go through periods of life that are especially tough, and you said you've lost someone recently, so that can be a major trigger. Take all their advice and you will benefit from it. 🙂
Ah feel like ah should jist gie up tryin'... It's obvious ah cannae connect wi' people nor fit in socially. :sad: Och, well! Better git use tae the depression an' loneliness - done!
umm, I fail to understand the purpose of life. Its a big word, means different things to different people. I wonder if I will ever understand in my lifetime.
Depressed. For many reasons, but mainly, because ah now realise ma family're a bunch o' idiotic, inconsiderate arseholes whom ah'd rather no' be aroon but ah'm stuck wi' them. Why is it awright fur certain people - f**k that! Why is it awright fur abled-bodied people tae remove the people an' relationships fae their lives that don't make 'em happy, but physically disabled folk, such as moi, dinnae seem tae huv that option.
I don't understand my boss. Talking with him makes me extremely nervous. He says one thing but then expects another. He told us we're all required to work at least one holiday, okay fine. He asked us to let him know when we're available and IF WE NEED TIME OFF. So I said I was available for Thanksgiving during the day (I wasn't scheduled though) and New Year's, but not Dec 23-26.
Well apparently that's not good enough because he said, "That's when I needed you most. We're a cafe, we're open around Christmas and we expect our employees to work." So now he's annoyed.
And he offered me two shifts a week because I'm in school and he "didn't want to kill me," and I said, no no, three shifts is fine. Later I took him up on the two shifts offer when I was really stressed and he said, "Well, I'm really not thrilled about employees only working two days a week. But I can make it work for you." ...what. The. Hell. Then why offer???? Was he simply giving me a "chance" to be a "good employee" and say "Oh no, let me refuse whatever offers you're making me for employment hours because I want to appear a dedicated employee and accepting would make me look lazy." It seems that way. Such baloney.
Once again I want a different job, but it seems like every job is awful in some way :sad:
I just have not been doing well lately. I suppose I'm often somewhat negative because of depression and anxiety, but spending most of my waking hours being in contact with other people outside of my home is scary, draining, and depressing. It's wearing me down emotionally and I feel incapable of handling it.
It is my my fault for not going to get a little help for it (even if it's not exactly what I need for social anxiety) - or at least talking to a therapist or doctor or something - but whenever I intend some kind of mental block stops me. I think it's the paperwork, the medical records I may have to get from my previous doctor's office, the cost, trying to explain myself and afraid they'll misunderstand me or not help me in the way I want. It's just more work, more stress, more frustration, easier to just avoid everything when I can and complain I suppose :sad:
Like I'm tied to the tracks and the express is coming down the line.
Got a few fish fried last week, which left me feeling pretty good, but now that old, gray cloud has rolled back in, and things are looking bleak once more. Lots more fish to go—big ones, too—and some of them are starting to smell awful bad. Life is grim.
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