How are you feeling?

ImNotMyIllness said: ↑

Summer courses are a lot faster, which can make it tough. But Sociology is the type of class I would take just for fun. It's a macro version of psychology. I'm sure you'll really enjoy it.

I'm hanging in there. Trying hard to stay afloat(emotionally)....so far, it's working. 🙂

I have to do electives for my psychology course, and this one is available, so that's why I'm doing it now. I hope I enjoy it.

I have read some recent posts from you that you've not been feeling too well lately, so I hope things pick up for you. Glad to hear it's working that you're staying afloat!

I want to vent even if it's annoying (I always feel like I'm being whiny).

My anxiety has been so bad lately and there seems to be no end in sight. I don't know if I have actually regressed or not, but it seems as if I have in some ways while I've gotten better in other ways. For a long time now I've needed to go get "professional help" again, but for various reasons I've put it off. Part of it right now is money - I'm not sure if I can even afford the copays at the present moment. And I'm nervous about getting help, having to deal with paperwork and especially if I don't like my therapist or feel he or she is off the mark or whatever else. I also don't want to take an antidepressant and I'm afraid of it being pushed on me, and meeting disapproval if I don't take one (not because of the disapproval itself but I'd worry I wouldn't receive proper treatment if the therapist was annoyed with me for not taking meds). I don't want added anxiety and stress from seeking treatment!

I have a very strong urge to quit my job. I won't do it because I need the money and it would look bad on my resume since I've never kept a job for even a year. I just have this very deep desire to emotionally safeguard myself from the painful anxiety I face there. I want so badly to just stay hidden in my house with my family, just reading and cooking and avoiding the outside world, sort of like the girls in We Have Always Lived in the Castle. I feel very very depressed. Not like, I'm so lonely someone rescue me depressed, more like a deep, painful ache and dread that bad things will happen to me and my life is hopeless and I am and will be judged harshly by many. I can't explain it. Every little thing makes me feel depressed lately. I don't understand it except that I know it is fueled by the constant work-related social anxiety.

Opaline said: ↑

I want to vent even if it's annoying (I always feel like I'm being whiny).

My anxiety has been so bad lately and there seems to be no end in sight. I don't know if I have actually regressed or not, but it seems as if I have in some ways while I've gotten better in other ways. For a long time now I've needed to go get "professional help" again, but for various reasons I've put it off. Part of it right now is money - I'm not sure if I can even afford the copays at the present moment. And I'm nervous about getting help, having to deal with paperwork and especially if I don't like my therapist or feel he or she is off the mark or whatever else. I also don't want to take an antidepressant and I'm afraid of it being pushed on me, and meeting disapproval if I don't take one (not because of the disapproval itself but I'd worry I wouldn't receive proper treatment if the therapist was annoyed with me for not taking meds). I don't want added anxiety and stress from seeking treatment!

I have a very strong urge to quit my job. I won't do it because I need the money and it would look bad on my resume since I've never kept a job for even a year. I just have this very deep desire to emotionally safeguard myself from the painful anxiety I face there. I want so badly to just stay hidden in my house with my family, just reading and cooking and avoiding the outside world, sort of like the girls in We Have Always Lived in the Castle. I feel very very depressed. Not like, I'm so lonely someone rescue me depressed, more like a deep, painful ache and dread that bad things will happen to me and my life is hopeless and I am and will be judged harshly by many. I can't explain it. Every little thing makes me feel depressed lately. I don't understand it except that I know it is fueled by the constant work-related social anxiety.

You may qualify for "free insurance", if your low income. At least it's that way in California.......unless your insurance is under a parent?

ImNotMyIllness said: ↑

You may qualify for "free insurance", if your low income. At least it's that way in California.......unless your insurance is under a parent?

I have my college student health insurance plan. It's pretty comprehensive. It's just the copays - they're not outrageous but they can still add up to a lot for a college student who has little money.

Opaline said: ↑

I have my college student health insurance plan. It's pretty comprehensive. It's just the copays - they're not outrageous but they can still add up to a lot for a college student who has little money.

That sucks! Students can't really afford that......Ahhhh....I better stop there. I feel like ranting about the cost of tuition. Our education system is making money off of those who can least afford it. Ooops, I did anyway. lol

MikeyC said: ↑

Beginning my summer course at uni tomorrow. Sociology. A little (lot) nervous!

I hope I can do it. 🙂

You can do it Mikey, good luck.

Increasingly inadequate

springk said: ↑

You can do it Mikey, good luck.

Thank you. :thumbup:

Opaline said: ↑

My anxiety has been so bad lately and there seems to be no end in sight. I don't know if I have actually regressed or not, but it seems as if I have in some ways while I've gotten better in other ways. For a long time now I've needed to go get "professional help" again ...

You could try professional help again, or you could go down the self-help route?

Opaline said: ↑

I just have this very deep desire to emotionally safeguard myself from the painful anxiety I face there. I want so badly to just stay hidden in my house with my family, just reading and cooking and avoiding the outside world, sort of like the girls in We Have Always Lived in the Castle

You have major trait anxiety. I have this also :sad: (i always wanted to escape outside world)

Opaline said: ↑

I feel very very depressed. Not like, I'm so lonely someone rescue me depressed, more like a deep, painful ache and dread that bad things will happen to me and my life is hopeless and I am and will be judged harshly by many. I can't explain it. Every little thing makes me feel depressed lately

I've been reading this book Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway. It talks of the 2 inputs into our conscious mind - "Higher Self" and "Chatterbox". Basically, the Higher Self is positive (self-affirming, loving, giving, abundant, etc), and the Chatterbox is negative (fear-producing, self-defeating, scarcity/lack, etc). Then, what's in the conscious mind gets sent to the subconscious mind, which in turn generates the good or bad results (feelings, events, ..) in your life. Simplistic, but it does ring true.
So basically, the goal is to feed yourself with as much positive/etc stuff as you can (via affirmations, positive thinking, tapes, books, sayings, other tools), so as to develop the habit of listening to your "higher self" much more than your "chatterbox".
Maybe you could read or buy this book?. It might help you... :question:

Stuck in a cold, miserable, loveless, co-dependent relationship wi' the only parent ah huv left an' ah cannae take much mair tae be honest. :crying:

Does it really git better...? If so, when? The 'morra? Next week? Next month? Next year?

I need a dream. A real one. Without it life seems so purposeless.

...when you need to start a new chapter in your life but the pages won't turn...

springk said: ↑

I need a dream. A real one. Without it life seems so purposeless.

Me too. 🙁

Irritated , , , ,

@Opaline - going to see a professional was one of the best decisions I ever made. She opened the door to my ongoing recovery. I had read all the books but they made no impact on me. Some of these therapists are exceptionally gifted people. Without her or similar to her; well its not a thought that I want to entertain.

MikeyC said: ↑

Beginning my summer course at uni tomorrow. Sociology. A little (lot) nervous!

I hope I can do it. 🙂

You will love it-That was one of my favorite college classes.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Stuck in a cold, miserable, loveless, co-dependent relationship wi' the only parent ah huv left an' ah cannae take much mair tae be honest. :crying:

Does it really git better...? If so, when? The 'morra? Next week? Next month? Next year?

Hang in there. You're better than that situation. Things always change.

MollyBeGood said: ↑

Hang in there. You're better than that situation. Things always change.

Whit's tha point, though? :sad: Ah mean, in terms o' hingin' oan? Why continue tae be aroon somebuddy who huz bin such a negative influence oan ye? Ah mean, would continue bein' in a relationship wi' someone who constantly criticised ye, contradict every decision ye made, an' telt you how ye should be? Why be wi' somebuddy who's constantly pushin' ye away, emotionally?

Why continue tae be aroon folk who make ye feel inferior an' self-conscious aboot yersel'? :sad: Sayin' those 3 lil' words "Ah love you" dinnae haud much value when yer actions an' how ye treat someone say the exact opposite.

Feeling like i want to give up, but this could change in a few hours. X

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Whit's tha point, though? :sad: Ah mean, in terms o' hingin' oan? Why continue tae be aroon somebuddy who huz bin such a negative influence oan ye? Ah mean, would continue bein' in a relationship wi' someone who constantly criticised ye, contradict every decision ye made, an' telt you how ye should be? Why be wi' somebuddy who's constantly pushin' ye away, emotionally?

Why continue tae be aroon folk who make ye feel inferior an' self-conscious aboot yersel'? :sad: Sayin' those 3 lil' words "Ah love you" dinnae haud much value when yer actions an' how ye treat someone say the exact opposite.

Those kind of relationship sucks, where there isn't love nothing matters. I am sorry you feel that way Greame, and its really unfortunate that you have to deal with it.