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[Thelema]

Hollyann just asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with her on valentines day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO HER IN PERSON HOW AM I GONNA GO TO THE MOVIES WITH HER???? OF COURSE I WANT TO GO BUT I'M SCARED OUT OF MY MIND JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!I'M LITERALLY SHAKING IN FEAR RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE THIS!!!!!! SHE'S WAITING FOR AN ANSWER....WHAT AM I GONNA SAY? IF I SAY YES THEN I HAVE TO GO AND IF I SAY NO THEN SHE WILL HATE ME EVEN THO I REALLY DO WANT TO GO....WHAT AM I GONNA DO??????????????

 

[Thelema]

THE FEAR IS BEATING ME LIKE A DOG AND I'M ROLLING OVER AND TAKING IT!!!!!!!I CAN'T EVEN GO TO THE MOVIES DAMMIT!!!!!I HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE MOVIES SINCE I WAS A LITTLE KID!!!I NEVER EVEN BUY ANYTHING MYSELF I ALWAYS MAKE MY MOM DO IT!!!!GODDDDD...SHE'S WAITING FOR AN ANSWERRRRRRRR

Alright the shaking has lessened. We always regret what we didn't do more than what we did do. Nothing ventured nothing gained... I just put the title of an old book in my signature..Health, Strength and Will Power....Fear not gods nor fates nor anything....I'm going to tell her yess....What would I rather have done when I'm 80 years old laying in bed before I die...Maxick had some very moving words that he wrote on a piece of paper as he was dying...something about will and life...I wish I had it..

I'm at my post limit so I'll just keep editing.... I said "Sure. What do you want to see?" Now the shaking has stopped and I'm wondering what I've just done...Let the fear be for the dogs....I'm a man you know?

 

[FaymeLevy]

Hey, good luck. Im glad you said yes to her. The bright side is, a movie makes it so there's about 2 hours of no talking, just watching the movie, and then afterward, you have something to talk about (the movie you just saw!). Pick something you're dying to see, and go for it. I wish you the best.

 

[nimrodel]

Thelema, that's amazing! I really hope you guys have a lot of fun. Which film are you going to see?

 

[Thelema]

Thanks guys

I don't know what movie we're gonna see yet. I wanna see Hannibal Rising or that movie with the flaming head dude.

I can't sleep...I got up at like 5

 

[Thelema]

Looks like we'll be seeing Hannibal Rising...I'm so scared...

 

[Thelema]

You know its like I can either be who I WANT to be or I can be a scared little thing that runs away.

You know whats funny? I made a post on myspace on halloween night saying what a good night it was and how much I wished I was at the movies with friends instead of sitting on my ass at home :lol:

It just seems so strange. Out of the blue a girl asks me if I want to go to the movies with her on valentines day when I really hardly know her. Plus the fact she knows I'm too shy to talk to her even in a somewhat normal setting for me.

You know my moms gonna be more surprised than I am

Bla damn post limit...She just sent me a message wanting me to call her...The phone isn't working so I can't...But she's gonna think I'm lying when I say that...

 

[Thelema]

I found the words I was looking for...brings tears to my eyes

"I only meet him after his death. He was lying on the floor of his room on his back with his hands stretched out. Under his right heel we found a slip of paper with is last remarks. It read "May 10th 1961, 22 hours; my heart is beating rather slow, I feel extremely cold, I think it will be over soon. Remember the infinite is our inner freedom manifested through our consciousness Max Sick mastered his body and his five senses till the last moment and lived up to his idea not to lose control even during the last moments of life.

Here's a picture of Maxick

 

[Thelema]

I just realised we both have all star practice until 5 anyway if she shows up. I should probably send her a message making sure she shows up. But Hannibal Rising doesn't even start until 6:45

 

[FaymeLevy]

Man, I totally want to see that movie; im so jealous lol

some more good news; if she knows about your SA before you go out, that should make her much more understanding and easy to get along with. at least for me, if someone knows about it, i dont feel pressured to say something in moments when I normally would be silent.

its tomorrow-please let us know how it goes.

 

[maggie]

Hollyann just asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with her on valentines day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO HER IN PERSON HOW AM I GONNA GO TO THE MOVIES WITH HER???? OF COURSE I WANT TO GO BUT I'M SCARED OUT OF MY MIND JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!I'M LITERALLY SHAKING IN FEAR RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE THIS!!!!!! SHE'S WAITING FOR AN ANSWER....WHAT AM I GONNA SAY? IF I SAY YES THEN I HAVE TO GO AND IF I SAY NO THEN SHE WILL HATE ME EVEN THO I REALLY DO WANT TO GO....WHAT AM I GONNA DO??????????????

awww Thelema..that's awesome!! you have to fucking go!! ..hopefully, if you're anything like me in this..you will freak out and worry and stress leading up to it, but you'll be fine once you're there :!: ..and i think the movies is a great place..cause once you're sitting and watching, the hardest part is over..and you can relax and watch the movie..i think no matter how hard it is for you to go..it would bother you big-time to cancel..and regret how things would have turned out...good luck Thelema..and have fun, you deserve it

 

[coriander1992]

woo go you !!
hope you have a great time,
all the best !!

 

[Thelema]

Thanks so much guys ...I'm sure like a lot of people she has never heard of SA and just thinks I'm shy. I'll post how it all goes.

That is true Maggie...I'll feel better once we're there. We never really regret things we do...Even that time(alright several times!) I broke something while sailing and was almost stranded...they're all just funny memories now.

Not to put down older people but...I'm freaking 18...this is the time in life not to worry and to just have fun before I get old and have to start worrying about things. Being young isn't the time to worry.

Just pretend she's my best friend...keep thinking..calm and confident...screw the past and don't forget that its all for fun!

 

[Thelema]

Well her mom and her will be picking me up. It was a good stroke of luck that she rode on the same bus as my brother a while ago and knows the street I live on. Now that we have it planned out I feel better. Now just to tell my mom :lol: I'm going to wait until tomorrow when she usually wakes me up and ask her if I can go to the movies with Hollyann. I can imagine she will be very surprised.

Maggie you are right...I deserve this 8)

 

[Thelema]

Well right now I'm wresting with myself trying to tell my mom about my plans for tonight...I can't bring myself to do it...I know she'll just give me shit like she always does and make me feel nervous for just trying to have a good time for a change...She'll talk to me like I'm a 4 year old and can never just let things go...I hear shit from weeks ago every day..she'll tell me somehing that makes me nervous and then tell me it over and over and over again and then tell everyone she knows about me and make me sound stupid :?

She found some old pictures of me and I refused to look a them...She kept looking at them and saying "you still have that stupid smile" over and over and then put the pictures on my dresser so I would have to look at them...

 

[nimrodel]

It seems like parents have a special way of putting you down when I guess they're just trying to help, although most of the time I don't see how it's supposed to be helping.

But don't let this get you down. You should go out and have fun and prove to yourself as well as her that you can do what you set your mind to.

 

[DYiNG-iNSiDE]

this is so great! im so proud of u. i hope u have a good time ive always found i like guys like u alot more than the pretty boy big headed jocks, quiet guys r sensive and thoughtful and nice and really care about u and arent just trying 2 getin ur pants lol good luck agian, glad u said yes. tell us how it goes

 

[Thelema]

Thanks Nimrodel. My mind is totally set on having a good time. Plus lets not forget it might be a really good movie


Well I just told her...thought I might as well end the pain right there than to suffer any longer with it...at first she didn't remember who Hollyann was and then she was like "Oh I like Hollyann""Sure you can" I can tell she was totally surprised and she walked really fast out of my room. I'm not feeling good but I'm feeling better. She said I had to pay for her. I didn't even think about that...I guess I will but thats even more to be worried about. I want to just take a hot long bath right now...its really the only time I can be totally by myself and relax without being bothered. We're leaving now to go get food and stuff and I just hope she doesn't wanna talk about it...I know she will.

My weight set is supposed to come today...between 1 and 5 the shipping company said...I was thinking I could do some exercise and get rid of some of this energy but I don't want to over do it and be tired the whole time. I feel more mellow after a 45 minute bike ride and now I feel all hyper :lol:

 

[Thelema]

this is so great! im so proud of u. i hope u have a good time ive always found i like guys like u alot more than the pretty boy big headed jocks, quiet guys r sensive and thoughtful and nice and really care about u and arent just trying 2 getin ur pants lol good luck agian, glad u said yes. tell us how it goes

Thank you for the kind words. I'll tell you all every detail of how it goes :lol:

 

[coriander1992]

this is so great! im so proud of u. i hope u have a good time ive always found i like guys like u alot more than the pretty boy big headed jocks, quiet guys r sensive and thoughtful and nice and really care about u and arent just trying 2 getin ur pants lol good luck agian, glad u said yes. tell us how it goes

Thank you for the kind words. I'll tell you all every detail of how it goes :lol:

please do !! i'm really rooting for you ! :lol:
have a great time !