Evesmoon
Member
I wish someone had an easy answer for this affliction, but there doesn't seem to be one. I can't seem to get myself out of my apt. I make plans and then don't go and then I am annoyed with myself for not following through. I know the only way is through it, but my anxiety level is so high when I am in social situations that it is hell. I have started an anti-depressant for it but so far not much has changed, except I signed up for here. I am so self conscious and even start to take big breathes when I am out some where and then its worse because I start wondering if people notice me doing it.
People don't really understand it too well either and I feel as if I can't talk about it with anyone, except the counselor I see who is not very good really.
I was severely abused as a child and my environment was unpredictable and dangerous. I know intellectualy I am not in any danger, but my emotions over rule my mind. I am conditioned, so how to undo conditioning that has been deeply ingrained for so long.
I am a good person but I never let anyone in. It gets really lonely sometimes, the last good friend I had was as a child. As I grew it just kept getting worse. Then I have been assaulted a number of times also. Someone broke in my house through my window and assaulted me.
Anger doesn't help either. I started to meditate and that chills me out and I am calm when I am in my own space or with one person. It is just in social situations. so far I have been unsuccessful in forcing myself out, but {sigh}** I guess I will keep trying. Maybe just get dressed , not think about what I am doing and force myself out of my apt to some social thing. This SUCKS!!!! People probably notice I am uncomfortable and its hard to make friends that way. At least over the computer I can make friends and I feel safe. But its no substitute for face to face. sorry for going on, I guess I needed to vent some. I am open to listening to any ideas someone might have or to making a new friend. Thanks, Eves
People don't really understand it too well either and I feel as if I can't talk about it with anyone, except the counselor I see who is not very good really.
I was severely abused as a child and my environment was unpredictable and dangerous. I know intellectualy I am not in any danger, but my emotions over rule my mind. I am conditioned, so how to undo conditioning that has been deeply ingrained for so long.
I am a good person but I never let anyone in. It gets really lonely sometimes, the last good friend I had was as a child. As I grew it just kept getting worse. Then I have been assaulted a number of times also. Someone broke in my house through my window and assaulted me.
Anger doesn't help either. I started to meditate and that chills me out and I am calm when I am in my own space or with one person. It is just in social situations. so far I have been unsuccessful in forcing myself out, but {sigh}** I guess I will keep trying. Maybe just get dressed , not think about what I am doing and force myself out of my apt to some social thing. This SUCKS!!!! People probably notice I am uncomfortable and its hard to make friends that way. At least over the computer I can make friends and I feel safe. But its no substitute for face to face. sorry for going on, I guess I needed to vent some. I am open to listening to any ideas someone might have or to making a new friend. Thanks, Eves