Hi, SAD sufferer here, new to site. Any advice?

[Evesmoon]

I wish someone had an easy answer for this affliction, but there doesn't seem to be one. I can't seem to get myself out of my apt. I make plans and then don't go and then I am annoyed with myself for not following through. I know the only way is through it, but my anxiety level is so high when I am in social situations that it is hell. I have started an anti-depressant for it but so far not much has changed, except I signed up for here. I am so self conscious and even start to take big breathes when I am out some where and then its worse because I start wondering if people notice me doing it.
People don't really understand it too well either and I feel as if I can't talk about it with anyone, except the counselor I see who is not very good really.
I was severely abused as a child and my environment was unpredictable and dangerous. I know intellectualy I am not in any danger, but my emotions over rule my mind. I am conditioned, so how to undo conditioning that has been deeply ingrained for so long.
I am a good person but I never let anyone in. It gets really lonely sometimes, the last good friend I had was as a child. As I grew it just kept getting worse. Then I have been assaulted a number of times also. Someone broke in my house through my window and assaulted me.
Anger doesn't help either. I started to meditate and that chills me out and I am calm when I am in my own space or with one person. It is just in social situations. so far I have been unsuccessful in forcing myself out, but {sigh}** I guess I will keep trying. Maybe just get dressed , not think about what I am doing and force myself out of my apt to some social thing. This SUCKS!!!! People probably notice I am uncomfortable and its hard to make friends that way. At least over the computer I can make friends and I feel safe. But its no substitute for face to face. sorry for going on, I guess I needed to vent some. I am open to listening to any ideas someone might have or to making a new friend. Thanks, Eves

 

[Sial Axetder]

Well Eves, first off welcome.

Next, advice, start by getting out and doing things you want. Go do something that you want to do. Simple as taking a walk. Try not to give into the twisted thoughts of what others will say or do. Just do. Be you.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[Hottie]

Hi,

Welcoming you to SPW

You child-hood, i relate to. I know about the anger and underlying emotions you have excluding SA. Add SA into the equasion and those emotions become much stronger.

You say your counsellor is not really very good, maybe time for a new one? Why would you continue seeing somebody if you are having no benifit?

I know it is hard, but you really have to push yourself to do things that will produce anxiety. If you dont, im afraid your world will get smaller and smaller.

Hope you find someting here (on the site) that will help you to move forward. We are all in similar situations regarding anxiety and therefore we understand how hard it is.

Sorry for your troubles

 

[Evesmoon]

Thanks for the welcome, I really appreciate it. I didn't think anyone would say anything to me. Well, the thing about changing counselors, she is free, big plus and I get to vent anyway. I am having a hard time getting over there, I really want to just stay in my apt, on the one hand and yet want to break out of the isolation at the same time. Its like being caught between the devil and deep blue sea, or at least thats what it feels like. Logically I think there is nothing to be anxious about, but my emotions always run riot anyway. Sometimes I wonder if I have a sign on me that says no confidence, but its probably just my anxiety talking. I have a plan like a hundred others to go out this Fri to a discussion group. I hope I am able to follow through and actually go. I am going to try not thinking about it too much until it comes time and maybe I can somehow force myself to go over there. Wish me luck and thanks again for saying hi. Eves

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Thanks for the welcome, I really appreciate it. I didn't think anyone would say anything to me. Well, the thing about changing counselors, she is free, big plus and I get to vent anyway. I am having a hard time getting over there, I really want to just stay in my apt, on the one hand and yet want to break out of the isolation at the same time. Its like being caught between the devil and deep blue sea, or at least thats what it feels like. Logically I think there is nothing to be anxious about, but my emotions always run riot anyway. Sometimes I wonder if I have a sign on me that says no confidence, but its probably just my anxiety talking. I have a plan like a hundred others to go out this Fri to a discussion group. I hope I am able to follow through and actually go. I am going to try not thinking about it too much until it comes time and maybe I can somehow force myself to go over there. Wish me luck and thanks again for saying hi. Eves

Heyas and welcome. You said a lot of good things here. Nothings logical really about SA and how we react/habituate with it. It is your anxiety talking, there's no sign over your head much as it may feel like there is. You can and believe will follow through and go. Nothing to lose by going despite the convo in your head trying to tell you otherwise. If really a hundred others are going, you dont have to pressure yourself to speaking or anything. Just going is a great first step.

Not thinking about it too much is key. Good luck, you will do it =)

 

[Evesmoon]

OMG!!! After 8 years of not leaving my apt except for absolute necessities ,like doctor appt, a breakthrough. I did it, I went to a social function and I survived it,lol. I suppose that sounds funny" I survived it." but I know you all understand that anxiety makes you feel as if You won't sometimes. I never thought I would be able to do it. I started two medications and it wasn't until I started the second one that I got the breakthrough. I can't believe it actually, I had fun. I haven't smiled or had fun in so long I thought I had forgotten how to. Thanks so much for being here folks, it is so nice to be able to share with people who understand how it feels. this is the first time in my life that I actually became comfortable around people after awhile. At first it was major uncomfortable and I thought of jumping up and leaving but I stuck it out. I have to give credit to this new medication I started, I felt the difference right away. I finally found a good doctor who was up on things. TY, Again folks. Eves

 

[jojo77]

OMG!!! After 8 years of not leaving my apt except for absolute necessities ,like doctor appt, a breakthrough. I did it, I went to a social function and I survived it,lol. I suppose that sounds funny" I survived it." but I know you all understand that anxiety makes you feel as if You won't sometimes. I never thought I would be able to do it. I started two medications and it wasn't until I started the second one that I got the breakthrough. I can't believe it actually, I had fun. I haven't smiled or had fun in so long I thought I had forgotten how to. Thanks so much for being here folks, it is so nice to be able to share with people who understand how it feels. this is the first time in my life that I actually became comfortable around people after awhile. At first it was major uncomfortable and I thought of jumping up and leaving but I stuck it out. I have to give credit to this new medication I started, I felt the difference right away. I finally found a good doctor who was up on things. TY, Again folks. Eves

yaaaay!!!!! i'm so happy for you! eeeek! i love it when i have those moments, moments that make you feel sane, and normal, even though you just barely survived it....it's still a feeling of huge accomplishment. good for you!...wish me luck tomorrow, i'm meeting some of my bf's friends, and i hate doing this because be and him are sooooo oposite it's redick! and his friends are a bit intimidating with how great they are at socializing.. anyways..welcome haha....glad to see you making the step to come here and connect with fellow sa's...im new too and it just warms me up inside that i found this place

 

[Evesmoon]

Welcome it is a nice place and I feel like I can vent here.Even though I don't much know anyone yet. I do wish you luck with meeting his friends.

I had a setback after wards. I was kind of high after actually doing it and people talking with me etc. in a friendly way. But nightmares, bad ones and severe anxiety kicked up as a result afterwards. I had a severe childhood trauma and I didn't remember some of it. I do now. I cam e back full force, I was crying and shaking and almost lost it. I don't want to go to the hospital, my daughter is coming for a visit Sunday and I haven't seen her in a long time. I am hoping the worst is over, its the fourth time I have come awake with severe nightmares of past events. I also suffer from PTSD and this really kicked it up.
However I don't plan to give up, just go really slow and face my fears. If I end up in the hospital ,well, then I will come out and do it again, I don't plan on giving up.

Thanks everyone for your comments as they are so helpful and I sure hope things went well with your meeting your bf's friends.

 

[Evesmoon]

Thank you, I did go and though I was uncomfortable, I survived,lol.

 

[Evesmoon]

I do wish you luck and hope things went alright.