Help with social anxiety -- friends
- Thread starter vollo
- Start date
froghat
Well-known member
I know how you feel. I haven't had a friend in 3 years, a job in 6 months, and I'm scared as hell to get back into "normal" life again. I've been so isolated from people the last year, I'm worried about fitting in at work. I'm worried I will never meet any friends because I'm so socially retarded. The only person I can actually have a conversation longer than 2 minutes with is my therapist. Without him I would be even worse off. Like you, I think having no friends to talk to really makes my anxiety even worse. It's like I'm isolated from the human race.
Anyways, your personality is probably boring because you are afraid to say something wrong. I do the same thing. I overthink everything so much that I end up never saying anything and feeling more isolated and weird.
Anyways, your personality is probably boring because you are afraid to say something wrong. I do the same thing. I overthink everything so much that I end up never saying anything and feeling more isolated and weird.
Xos
Active member
I understand u too, vollo!. i have the sensation of having nothing in common with the rest of people. Inside me i am willing to open my emotions, speak out my fears, my deepest emotions, but i just cannot do it!
And then, the lack of motivation. In my case most of the time it is terribly hard for me to get out of my room and go out for a walk or so.
I feel as if my bones where made of steel : (
But after i' m out, a walk or doing some excercise, i feel slightly better. I release some anxiety and feel i little better.
I think you should take a notebook or just a piece of paper and write down the many or few things u' ll like to do, hobbies are very important to keep your mind from thinking.
Well, have luck and you got to know that you' re not the only one suffering from it :?
And then, the lack of motivation. In my case most of the time it is terribly hard for me to get out of my room and go out for a walk or so.
I feel as if my bones where made of steel : (
But after i' m out, a walk or doing some excercise, i feel slightly better. I release some anxiety and feel i little better.
I think you should take a notebook or just a piece of paper and write down the many or few things u' ll like to do, hobbies are very important to keep your mind from thinking.
Well, have luck and you got to know that you' re not the only one suffering from it :?
Psychobabbler
New member
Hey, I'll be your friend! 
kuze
Well-known member
I totally agree, I havent had a real life friend in 8 yrs, in school there were just ppl that sat next to me or said hi. Since I left school I've been completely friendless, thats been almost 6 yrs now. When I'm in chat rooms and see ppl chatting, even if they dont know each other, they still have stuff in common, usually I only chime in with a horrible joke. Ive been an outsider for so long, I have no life experiences, everything I know is from tv or the internet. I cant talk about relationships, jobs, college, I am virtually clueless. Everytime I add someone on msn, it usually goes south in a week or tow because I have nothing to say except, 'hi, hows it going?' , at this point ppl stay on invisible so I wont bother them. I;m getting to the point where even being online isnt helping anymore, I'm just a shell of a person, I have nothing to give, nothing to offer.
n0id
Active member
Hahaha, that was so funny.
No but seriously (I made a joke recluse, no offense meant) I can understand what you are talking about Vollo. Even though I have never been truly lonely (I've allways had one good friend at each town I've lived in) I feel very lonely when I am not with said person.
Family doesn't help, as my brother is out all the time, parents pretty much work and sleep all the time.
But I found programming rather interesting, and also drawing. I really have no talent at either, but hey, what else should I do with my free time?
Maybe you can try that for yourself, start drawing. I'll be your friend at deviantart
toothpastekisses
Well-known member
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aaaiiihhh
Member
I know, I feel like I'm boring too... but really we're not. We just feel like we are, because it's hard for us to start or hold a conversation. For me, my mind goes blank in front of people and we appear to be boring. But when I am in a comfort zone I say all sorts of funny stuff and have all sorts of thoughts that people find interesting.
I am sure you are interested in something. Sometimes we think of "hobbies" and "interests" in very specific terms like: sports, hiking, video games, etc. But hobbies and interests could just be something completely random. what do you like to do on the computer? Whatever you like to do, or read or look at on the computer, is considered an interest.
What kinds of thoughts do you have when you're by yourself? I have discovered through the years that thoughts that I thought no one would care about, people really enjoyed hearing about and it let my personality show through. And guess what, they really like that personality.
I am sure you are interested in something. Sometimes we think of "hobbies" and "interests" in very specific terms like: sports, hiking, video games, etc. But hobbies and interests could just be something completely random. what do you like to do on the computer? Whatever you like to do, or read or look at on the computer, is considered an interest.
What kinds of thoughts do you have when you're by yourself? I have discovered through the years that thoughts that I thought no one would care about, people really enjoyed hearing about and it let my personality show through. And guess what, they really like that personality.
Slothrop
Well-known member
Nobody has nothing to talk about. More likely your mind is just filtering out a lot of things you could talk about because you don't think they're important or interesting enough. You go to school: What do you study? What do you like? What don't you like? You use the computer: What do you do on the computer? These unglamorous things are things you can talk about.
Even better is the fact that you don't have to go into conversations knowing what you're going to talk about. The simplest way to make decent conversation is to listen to what other people say and ask them about themselves and their interests. Pay attention and remember things they've mentioned and you'll have plenty to talk to a person about.
Even if you have to say "well, I don't really have any hobbies", that can be something to talk about in itself. You can ask them how they got interested in things, or what they like about them, or even ask them to recommend how you could get into it (a book to read, a thing to try, etc.). What I mean is: the fact that you want to have interests and be an interesting person is in itself an interest. Talk about that.
If you want to develop interests, the only way to do that is to be exposed to new things. No matter how bad you see yourself, you have a right to be curious about anything you want.
Even if you can't think of anything you've ever been curious at all about, just reading about things randomly can get you thinking: Go on Wikipedia, find the "Random Article" link on the left-hand side, and just keep clicking it until you find an article that looks interesting. If it stops being interesting, click it again.
Even better is the fact that you don't have to go into conversations knowing what you're going to talk about. The simplest way to make decent conversation is to listen to what other people say and ask them about themselves and their interests. Pay attention and remember things they've mentioned and you'll have plenty to talk to a person about.
Even if you have to say "well, I don't really have any hobbies", that can be something to talk about in itself. You can ask them how they got interested in things, or what they like about them, or even ask them to recommend how you could get into it (a book to read, a thing to try, etc.). What I mean is: the fact that you want to have interests and be an interesting person is in itself an interest. Talk about that.
If you want to develop interests, the only way to do that is to be exposed to new things. No matter how bad you see yourself, you have a right to be curious about anything you want.
Even if you can't think of anything you've ever been curious at all about, just reading about things randomly can get you thinking: Go on Wikipedia, find the "Random Article" link on the left-hand side, and just keep clicking it until you find an article that looks interesting. If it stops being interesting, click it again.
misterF
Well-known member
I think you shouldn't be too harsh on yourself.
I still have some close friends from high school and when I'm with them I'm normal, but I'm incapable of making new friends.
I think that proves what many have said in this thread, we're not boring, our mind just stops us from being confident enough and expressing what we think.
I still have some close friends from high school and when I'm with them I'm normal, but I'm incapable of making new friends.
I think that proves what many have said in this thread, we're not boring, our mind just stops us from being confident enough and expressing what we think.