Help with sexual intrusive thoughts

[thatdude319]

Ok...so I was diagnosed with OCD around the age of 18. I've had all the classic ocd symptoms before...the checking..washing..etc. Lately though for the past couple of years my OCD has been around sexual obsessions and they progressively have got worse. Theres been times where i have felt normal but im having one of my worst cases right now.

Please stick with me so I can tell my story please...cuz I dont feel good right now...and I feel like this sight can really help me


But anyway I want to be a good loving person...but i feel like a rapist and a pervert because I always get these really messed up thoughts. These thoughts are compounded by the fact that I've never had a girlfriend(im frickin 22...and things just havent fallen my way..and ive tried). I've been told I'm handsome and what not but blah blah. I also sometimes feel like Im a porn addict even though I've only looked at porn like 6 times in the past 12 months. Anyway I just go on to youtube to look at any sexual material and I dont kno if this is just messed up for a 22 year old guy or wut. I've also had really bad thoughts with god and sex as well.

As you probably can tell all these problems make me feel like a complete degenerate and a loser at times.

To make matters even worse Ive been having really bad obsession with these porn sites I used to visit. There were basically really hardcore porn sites like rough sex where the girl was basically raped...the sites were called like ************ and **********.Anyway I just keep getting images from those sites and there troubling. I mean thoughts of someone getting raped and actually having viewed them is messed up. The stars in the movie were consented and what not so it was technically not rape, but I guess you could say it was rape.

Anyway you could say well stop looking at porn or those sites. Which i would respond to I havenet look at those sites in about 2 years and barely dont look at porn at all.

I don't kno these thought have been constanst in my head for a couple of weeks now and I've been clinically depressed too.

I see a counselor but dont talk to him till next week.

I still am very aprreciative that im in college and getting a high gpa and having loving family and friends...this ocd just really gets me down.

I dont kno if Im just a regular dude who experimented with porn and had random sexual urges like a normal developing adolescent.....or if im just a screwed up loser...who has really messed up problems.

The worst parts is that these thoughts wont go away. Sometimes when they do...there still there lurking in the back of my head and it drives me nuts.

I've tried really hard to have a girlfriend at times too but it hasnt worked out and im so busy in college and i dont live on campus so its hard for me to meet people. Also the girls I have meant have been turned out to sleep with a bunch of guys and what not...and they just seem completely oblivious to everything.


Well there it is. I kno some of these statements may seem comical...but its extremely depressing to me...and I just want to move on and be a normal person.

 

[MikeyC]

You've looked at porn 6 times in 12 months? I think I looked at porn 6 times since reading your post.

Rape-porn does exist and it's pretty out there. I've never watched it myself but it's certainly one of those niche things. Watching it doesn't make you a bad person, and you say it's been 2 years since viewing it, so that's not an issue.

From the sounds of things it's just your thoughts that are bugging you, but otherwise you seem like a lot of other guys - although you probably watch less porn!

 

[JustMe1987]

agree with mikeyC.

 

[The Observer]

I dont kno if Im just a regular dude who experimented with porn and had random sexual urges like a normal developing adolescent.

Can't say those types of sites where the ones I liked to view or "experiment" with while I was a developing adolescent. ::

 

[Silatuyok]

I think porn and sexual thoughts are definitely normal for a guy your age (or any age, really), but obsessively feeling guilty about it is not normal, and if it is bothering you so much then you could probably benefit from therapy and/or medication. A million guys will tell you that you are not screwed up for thinking about these kinds of things...but even if you believe them, the obsessive thoughts may not go away.

 

[Etbow23]

I don't know why people say those types of sites are "normal" for "a guy". It's normal for anyone to have sexual urges when they're a teenager (girl or guy) and to go to the internet to release those urges, but personally I would feel just as sick/guilty by watching what I consider abnormal sex (like what OP talked about) b/c it has to do w/ violence & hate. When I was a teen, I was very horny constantly & sometimes would look at internet porn, but never do anymore first of all b/c I don't feel as horny anymore (I'm 21) and also b/c I think that this porn is degrading to women and often to animals/children.

to OP-don't feel guilty about the past but don't look at it again if you think it's going to make you feel bad. You have to resist those urges if all it does is lead you to feeling down and guilty. That's really all there is to it.

But again, I don't believe this type of hateful porn is "normal"

 

[Diend]

Would it help if you thought about the biological and anthropological roots of porn obsession and sexual thoughts. Through evolution, men and women have hormones that kick in at puberty and beyond that give us urges to reproduce. Nature's way of reproduction is vaginal intercourse. In the past when humans had a tough time surviving, if men didn't have such strong urges to drop their seed, they risked wiping out the entire human race. Those who did have these urges passed their genes onto the next generation which enable the human race to propagate. As a male myself who finds excitement in watching mass facials, I have come to understand that watching porn is an exaggeration of my mating instincts. I also learned that watching porn is an illusion. Nature rewards us when we find an attractive mate by releasing endorphins to make us feel good inside. When we are jerking off to video/images, our minds are tricked into thinking we have found a potential mate when in reality, we are just sitting in front of our laptops. The semen that is ejaculated upon climax is also going nowhere to propagate the human race. Can you see how masturbation is tricking your brain into giving you that pleasurable reward that comes with finding a potential mate? The feelings and thoughts are what drive you to mate and take care of the baby. Without them, the human race would have a harder time surviving. However, I am still trying to figure out what about porn and fantasies that make them more exciting than relationships in real life. It bothers me.

 

[emre43]

I don't know why people say those types of sites are "normal" for "a guy". It's normal for anyone to have sexual urges when they're a teenager (girl or guy) and to go to the internet to release those urges, but personally I would feel just as sick/guilty by watching what I consider abnormal sex (like what OP talked about) b/c it has to do w/ violence & hate. When I was a teen, I was very horny constantly & sometimes would look at internet porn, but never do anymore first of all b/c I don't feel as horny anymore (I'm 21) and also b/c I think that this porn is degrading to women and often to animals/children.

to OP-don't feel guilty about the past but don't look at it again if you think it's going to make you feel bad. You have to resist those urges if all it does is lead you to feeling down and guilty. That's really all there is to it.

But again, I don't believe this type of hateful porn is "normal"

Agree with this.