hi everyone i've never posted in a forum like this it would be real helpful to get some replies. I'm so overwhelmed and confused i feel helpless. im a very uneasy person and ive never had calm in my life. at least none i can remember. i've had and continue to fear getting sick having diseases, etc. However i feel lately that im going absolutely crazy. i get sensations in my head/mind and i cant describe it, i feel different and out of it. I've not hallucinated but i fear that i will. But i simply can not describe the sensation but i walk around thinking there is something wrong with me i feel it... not fear it but feel it. When im alone i get a thought to act crazy and lose control and i have done it a couple times and it petrified me. I made crazy faces and yelled when no one was around... it relieved me somewhat..... i think im going crazy.... is the body feeling i get tension? am i crazy? my doctor says i have ocd.... but it doesnt seem to fit as of late. i dont wanna be bad person or crazy but i just feel all the time that i will be no matter what. the acting crzy a couple of times in room scared me alot. help
help me
- Thread starter mfs
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Hey welcome mfs ,
there seems to be alot going on in your mind , thoughts can become really invasive , a super agitated mind is almost unbearable , you need to take control here .
I suggest meditating , learn to calm that mind , relax , learn to let these thoughts go , they are not you , they are just a phenomenon . I made a post about meditation under the Treatment forum section.
what you describe to me is ocd , you are obsessively thinking about things , and that whole agitation is making you feel real bad , not at peace , it's what an agitated mind does , you start loosing control. These intrusive thoughts appear in your mind , don't fight it , but stop reacting to them and feed them , focus elsewhere , meditation will help you .
Also try to eat well , do some daily exercise , take great care of yourself , it's gonna make a big difference .
there seems to be alot going on in your mind , thoughts can become really invasive , a super agitated mind is almost unbearable , you need to take control here .
I suggest meditating , learn to calm that mind , relax , learn to let these thoughts go , they are not you , they are just a phenomenon . I made a post about meditation under the Treatment forum section.
what you describe to me is ocd , you are obsessively thinking about things , and that whole agitation is making you feel real bad , not at peace , it's what an agitated mind does , you start loosing control. These intrusive thoughts appear in your mind , don't fight it , but stop reacting to them and feed them , focus elsewhere , meditation will help you .
Also try to eat well , do some daily exercise , take great care of yourself , it's gonna make a big difference .
upndwn
Well-known member
Hi and welcome to SPW mfs 
I used to suffer from similar fears and invasive thoughts, but as Blabla.. mentioned, meditation really helps, but these sorts of things usually has a wellspring in much deeper issues. As others in this thread have mentioned, I recommend going to a doctor to clear up your issues. It is easier to handle these sorts of things if you know what causes them. Good luck and I hope you find some way to alleviate your problems.
I used to suffer from similar fears and invasive thoughts, but as Blabla.. mentioned, meditation really helps, but these sorts of things usually has a wellspring in much deeper issues. As others in this thread have mentioned, I recommend going to a doctor to clear up your issues. It is easier to handle these sorts of things if you know what causes them. Good luck and I hope you find some way to alleviate your problems.
panicsurvivor
Well-known member
Hi, welcome to the forums. It sounds to me, like you have a lot of time on your hands to dwell on things, and a lot of energy. I think you should start burning your energy and occupying your time. Make sure you are doing something at all times. Work out, do art projects, whatever floats your boat. Just don't let yourself have nothing to do. When you have nothing to do your mind will wander, that's when you will start focusing on these negative thoughts. I know it sounds hard, and it is at first, but once you get used to it, it makes life a lot more fulfilling. Good luck.
thank you all so much for replying.... i know meditation will help but my mind is unbelievably amazing at having 300 thoughts in 30 seconds... i get confused and depressed...i also get this feeling that i am going to loose control and kill people or hurt someone.... its feeling i get alot...ive obviousaly never done it but it bothers me and i think its only a matter of time before i do lose control/go crazy.... what do you think?
Like i said , meditation
when you realize you are lost in your thoughts , focus back on the breath , again , again , again . Your mind will slow down , you can reach a state where the mind is really calm.
Your thoughts will constantly take you away , but as soon as you notice simply go back , that is the process of taming the mind , your mind is so agitated like a wild animal , you have no control over it , and as long as you have no control over the mind you are a danger to yourself and others.
When you are hungry , you eat , Thirsty , you drink , Tired , you sleep .
There is no other way to satisfy the body , similarly , there is no other way to calm the mind , meditate !
when you realize you are lost in your thoughts , focus back on the breath , again , again , again . Your mind will slow down , you can reach a state where the mind is really calm.
Your thoughts will constantly take you away , but as soon as you notice simply go back , that is the process of taming the mind , your mind is so agitated like a wild animal , you have no control over it , and as long as you have no control over the mind you are a danger to yourself and others.
When you are hungry , you eat , Thirsty , you drink , Tired , you sleep .
There is no other way to satisfy the body , similarly , there is no other way to calm the mind , meditate !
Lostinthemusic
Well-known member
No. I get that often, I get suspicious of feeling good and start to assume that the people around me are all playing a big trick on me because they can and everything nice they say about me is a lie and really a deep insult. You are not crazy, that is just a label attached to those who deviate from the acceptable norm. Naturally, when thoughts turn violent it can be be scary though.
My advice is the same as many others: Meditate. And stick with it!!! I cant emphasize that enough. You will get frustrated. Don't stop. I've been at it for a year and during that time I experienced some of the most intense and constant paranoia I ever have before, but every time I really meditate I feel a thousand times better.
If I'm tired I feel as if I've been resting for a whole day when I stop. It sometimes literally feels as if the time before meditating was just a weird dream.
As for the lossing control, I don't see that as necessarily a bad thing. The very fact that you are recognizing your thoughts means that you are meditating to some extent. It could just be a way of letting off stress. If you need to, maybe get a punching bag or something. It seems to me like something wants to come out. If you find something constructive or beneficial as a way of letting it out you may just find yourself a much calmer person.
The way I vent pretty much everything is drumming. I feel, no joke, nothing less than elated when I'm in the middle of a good session.
My advice is the same as many others: Meditate. And stick with it!!! I cant emphasize that enough. You will get frustrated. Don't stop. I've been at it for a year and during that time I experienced some of the most intense and constant paranoia I ever have before, but every time I really meditate I feel a thousand times better.
If I'm tired I feel as if I've been resting for a whole day when I stop. It sometimes literally feels as if the time before meditating was just a weird dream.
As for the lossing control, I don't see that as necessarily a bad thing. The very fact that you are recognizing your thoughts means that you are meditating to some extent. It could just be a way of letting off stress. If you need to, maybe get a punching bag or something. It seems to me like something wants to come out. If you find something constructive or beneficial as a way of letting it out you may just find yourself a much calmer person.
The way I vent pretty much everything is drumming. I feel, no joke, nothing less than elated when I'm in the middle of a good session.
SAYC
Active member
I have totally been where you are at. One thing that might comfort you is that if you can ask the question "am I going crazy?" you are not crazy. "Crazy" people don't realize that what they are doing is crazy.
I thought I was going crazy before my diagnosis. I actually told my friends I thought I was going crazy and I remember them laughing and saying I seemed more "normal" than they were. You may have generalized anxiety disorder, maybe panic disorder, maybe OCD-maybe all three or maybe some other anxiety problem. The first key is to take care of yourself like the others said; decrease caffeine, do some vigorous exercise daily, eat well, rest when you need to. Don't let yourself get hungry. Breathe slowly and controlled deep into your stomach/diaphragm. This will all help with the physical symptoms. A psychologist (cognitive behaviour mod) can help guide you towards ways of coping with the mental stuff. Medication has really helped me (I take Celexa but it is being banned at my dose due to heart effects....the next few months should be interesting!).
Anyway, I was sitting in my university class of 60 soon to be health professionals and it came over me that I was going to stand up and yell "I am a fraud!" It was so difficult to stop myself that I left the class. This lead to panic attacks whenever I was in that room. With a university therapist I got the anxiety mostly under control. Ultimately though, it was the undiagnosed OCD that was the root cause. The incessant thoughts and images of violence, looking at a classmate and seeing their head cut off, images of knifing someone, phrases in my head like "kill, kill, kill". Total TORTURE! I felt like I had a constant conversation/debate going on in half my brain while the other half studied biology/physics/pharmacology. I was worried that I was a serial killer in disguise of a mild-mannered 20 year old student. I decided if I ever thought I was truly a danger to someone else, I would kill myself. Thankfully, I am still here (and the only things I kill are mosquitos and earwigs!).
People often get "obsessed" with things that distress you the most. Taking another's life is abhorrent to me. When OCD presented that thought to me, I got stuck on it-am I a danger? Am I going crazy? The thought reverberates around in your head which makes the brain pathway for that thought stronger so you have it more often. Then you just spiral downward and it's hard to see you way out. You feel guilty, depressed, worthless.
So like the others reading this post, most of us have been caught in that web. I have felt all the physical symptoms you describe. I have questioned my sanity. Thankfully I am on the other side now. Good intense therapy, a lot of writing and relaxing and mental imagery and medication has really made my life so much better and more fulfilled. It is not perfect; my therapist (who BTW I have not seen for 18 months as I am doing so well now) says there is an 80/20 rule. If you are "OK" 80% of the time, that is life-that is normal. Everyone has up to 20% of the time of weird stuff-unwanted thoughts, etc. She told me to think of the thoughts as an early warning signal-when I have them, I need to step back and re-evaluate what I am doing (do I need more rest, less coffee?) then get myself balanced again. I am now in my early 40s with two great kids and a loving husband and a great job. If I can make it, you can too.
I thought I was going crazy before my diagnosis. I actually told my friends I thought I was going crazy and I remember them laughing and saying I seemed more "normal" than they were. You may have generalized anxiety disorder, maybe panic disorder, maybe OCD-maybe all three or maybe some other anxiety problem. The first key is to take care of yourself like the others said; decrease caffeine, do some vigorous exercise daily, eat well, rest when you need to. Don't let yourself get hungry. Breathe slowly and controlled deep into your stomach/diaphragm. This will all help with the physical symptoms. A psychologist (cognitive behaviour mod) can help guide you towards ways of coping with the mental stuff. Medication has really helped me (I take Celexa but it is being banned at my dose due to heart effects....the next few months should be interesting!).
Anyway, I was sitting in my university class of 60 soon to be health professionals and it came over me that I was going to stand up and yell "I am a fraud!" It was so difficult to stop myself that I left the class. This lead to panic attacks whenever I was in that room. With a university therapist I got the anxiety mostly under control. Ultimately though, it was the undiagnosed OCD that was the root cause. The incessant thoughts and images of violence, looking at a classmate and seeing their head cut off, images of knifing someone, phrases in my head like "kill, kill, kill". Total TORTURE! I felt like I had a constant conversation/debate going on in half my brain while the other half studied biology/physics/pharmacology. I was worried that I was a serial killer in disguise of a mild-mannered 20 year old student. I decided if I ever thought I was truly a danger to someone else, I would kill myself. Thankfully, I am still here (and the only things I kill are mosquitos and earwigs!).
People often get "obsessed" with things that distress you the most. Taking another's life is abhorrent to me. When OCD presented that thought to me, I got stuck on it-am I a danger? Am I going crazy? The thought reverberates around in your head which makes the brain pathway for that thought stronger so you have it more often. Then you just spiral downward and it's hard to see you way out. You feel guilty, depressed, worthless.
So like the others reading this post, most of us have been caught in that web. I have felt all the physical symptoms you describe. I have questioned my sanity. Thankfully I am on the other side now. Good intense therapy, a lot of writing and relaxing and mental imagery and medication has really made my life so much better and more fulfilled. It is not perfect; my therapist (who BTW I have not seen for 18 months as I am doing so well now) says there is an 80/20 rule. If you are "OK" 80% of the time, that is life-that is normal. Everyone has up to 20% of the time of weird stuff-unwanted thoughts, etc. She told me to think of the thoughts as an early warning signal-when I have them, I need to step back and re-evaluate what I am doing (do I need more rest, less coffee?) then get myself balanced again. I am now in my early 40s with two great kids and a loving husband and a great job. If I can make it, you can too.
thank you ohh so very much for your replies.... its just that no matter how good i'm feeling i have a depressing underlying feeling that things wont work out, that im going o be a bad person, a murderer, a serial killer, unhappy.... its not even an obsession its almost like i have accepted it. That i think its going to happen.... i hate it but feel powerless
agoraphobickatie
Well-known member
mfs you have definitely gotten some great responses! try to work hard to fix this, don't let it overcome you, don't let it make you feel that you can't beat it, because you can! you just have to work!
you said your doctor says you have OCD but that you don't think that's right lately.. your doctor is absolutely right, and whatever he can do to help you, you should welcome. there are medications for OCD that can help, and the thing is, we need the meds, medication plus therapy (and other techniques mentioned in this thread) is our best option.. you have to really let all of you feelings out there to your doctor and trust him/her to know and help you.
i saw you said your mind is great at having a million thoughts in seconds.. i'm the same way! people say "your mind can only focus on one thing at one time", but i think that's crap! i can think of millions of things at once, i feel! lol... but, i know that i usually do get a better grasp on controlling my thoughts when i breathe through my diaphragm.. look up how you can do it if you don't know how, 'cause i didn't know how to either... basically, when you breathe, you take deep breaths through your nose and let your STOMACH fill with air, not your lungs, so your tummy puffs up, not your chest, get what i'm saying? try to keep your shoulders relaxed when you breathe through your stomach, like try not to move anything except your stomach poking out... anyway, i breathe in through my nose, filling my "diaphragm", then out slowly through my mouth and concentrate on the sound the air makes coming out of my mouth.. i do it over and over until i can calm down some..
i really hope that helps and that i didn't confuse you just try it, please!
you said your doctor says you have OCD but that you don't think that's right lately.. your doctor is absolutely right, and whatever he can do to help you, you should welcome. there are medications for OCD that can help, and the thing is, we need the meds, medication plus therapy (and other techniques mentioned in this thread) is our best option.. you have to really let all of you feelings out there to your doctor and trust him/her to know and help you.
i saw you said your mind is great at having a million thoughts in seconds.. i'm the same way! people say "your mind can only focus on one thing at one time", but i think that's crap! i can think of millions of things at once, i feel! lol... but, i know that i usually do get a better grasp on controlling my thoughts when i breathe through my diaphragm.. look up how you can do it if you don't know how, 'cause i didn't know how to either... basically, when you breathe, you take deep breaths through your nose and let your STOMACH fill with air, not your lungs, so your tummy puffs up, not your chest, get what i'm saying? try to keep your shoulders relaxed when you breathe through your stomach, like try not to move anything except your stomach poking out... anyway, i breathe in through my nose, filling my "diaphragm", then out slowly through my mouth and concentrate on the sound the air makes coming out of my mouth.. i do it over and over until i can calm down some..
i really hope that helps and that i didn't confuse you
just try it, please!
SAYC
Active member
" its just that no matter how good i'm feeling i have a depressing underlying feeling that things wont work out, that im going o be a bad person, a murderer, a serial killer, unhappy.... its not even an obsession its almost like i have accepted it. That i think its going to happen.... i hate it but feel powerless"
You know, I think the anxiety you have gives you all these physical experiences of dread, fear, something bad is going to happen...it is probably hard to put your finger on exactly what you are anxious about but you feel there is something definitely wrong and you suspect you are the problem. OCD wants you to believe you are the problem. I felt the same way. They call that "generalized anxiety disorder" but for myself and maybe you, it may be the underlying rapid OCD thoughts making you anxious and feeling out of control. That's why you feel like you have accepted the lies-they are so rapid and so sneaky that you can hardly recognize the separation between yourself and the OCD. The incessant thoughts are telling you that you have accepted that you are evil and if you hear it enough you will suspect it is true. That is OCD and not you-you need to get your anxiety under control (using the methods people have posted) so you can fight back. If push came to shove and someone started yelling at you that you are a serial killer, I can almost guarantee that you will locate your true self cowering inside you and be able to clearly say that, no, I am not a killer, i don't want to kill someone and I won't ever. You are in there and you have great power. You just need help. Diabetics need insulin, amputees need prosthetics and you need therapy and probably medication.
The thoughts I had on the surface that I recognized were really the tip of the iceberg. The 1000 rapid thoughts going on slightly to the side of my radar where constantly demeaning me, demoralizing me, attacking me and telling me lies about myself. When I was in university (because I did not know I had OCD) I treated myself by listening to prerecorded tapes saying things like "I feel good about myself today, I am a happy and calm person, I will have a great day". It is positive self-talk and I got the whole thing from Shad Helmstetter's book "What to Say when You Talk to Yourself". He even has prewritten self talk dialogues such as "Feeling Happy" or "Gaining Confidence". Hopefully others out there will understand the humour in me wondering at the time, why doesn't he have a script written for " Convincing yourself you are not dangerous and won't kill anyone today". So I made up my own script for that one. I am not advocating this approach; that was a bandage solution that got me through university but I crashed later and cognitive behaviour modification and meds have been what have given me back a full life.
It's just that the theory Shad Helmstetter has about "junk in-junk out" of your brain is so true in OCD. OCD tells us these lies and does it so often and we associate so much emotion/fear/pain/horror at the thought that we really build stronger pathways for the thought. We must put the stop sign up and say, NO! I stop it short with breathing techniques, physical and mental challenges and medications/therapy.
Get help, OK? You deserve to have a full life.
You know, I think the anxiety you have gives you all these physical experiences of dread, fear, something bad is going to happen...it is probably hard to put your finger on exactly what you are anxious about but you feel there is something definitely wrong and you suspect you are the problem. OCD wants you to believe you are the problem. I felt the same way. They call that "generalized anxiety disorder" but for myself and maybe you, it may be the underlying rapid OCD thoughts making you anxious and feeling out of control. That's why you feel like you have accepted the lies-they are so rapid and so sneaky that you can hardly recognize the separation between yourself and the OCD. The incessant thoughts are telling you that you have accepted that you are evil and if you hear it enough you will suspect it is true. That is OCD and not you-you need to get your anxiety under control (using the methods people have posted) so you can fight back. If push came to shove and someone started yelling at you that you are a serial killer, I can almost guarantee that you will locate your true self cowering inside you and be able to clearly say that, no, I am not a killer, i don't want to kill someone and I won't ever. You are in there and you have great power. You just need help. Diabetics need insulin, amputees need prosthetics and you need therapy and probably medication.
The thoughts I had on the surface that I recognized were really the tip of the iceberg. The 1000 rapid thoughts going on slightly to the side of my radar where constantly demeaning me, demoralizing me, attacking me and telling me lies about myself. When I was in university (because I did not know I had OCD) I treated myself by listening to prerecorded tapes saying things like "I feel good about myself today, I am a happy and calm person, I will have a great day". It is positive self-talk and I got the whole thing from Shad Helmstetter's book "What to Say when You Talk to Yourself". He even has prewritten self talk dialogues such as "Feeling Happy" or "Gaining Confidence". Hopefully others out there will understand the humour in me wondering at the time, why doesn't he have a script written for " Convincing yourself you are not dangerous and won't kill anyone today". So I made up my own script for that one. I am not advocating this approach; that was a bandage solution that got me through university but I crashed later and cognitive behaviour modification and meds have been what have given me back a full life.
It's just that the theory Shad Helmstetter has about "junk in-junk out" of your brain is so true in OCD. OCD tells us these lies and does it so often and we associate so much emotion/fear/pain/horror at the thought that we really build stronger pathways for the thought. We must put the stop sign up and say, NO! I stop it short with breathing techniques, physical and mental challenges and medications/therapy.
Get help, OK? You deserve to have a full life.
MaxineRyder
Active member
Dear mfs
You are not crazy. And you may have OCD. Or you may have another anxiety disorder. Google Anxiety Disorders and see if any of the others fits you better.
And finally, you are not alone. We are all here for you.
Maxine xxx
You are not crazy. And you may have OCD. Or you may have another anxiety disorder. Google Anxiety Disorders and see if any of the others fits you better.
And finally, you are not alone. We are all here for you.
Maxine xxx
aw bless you
I've tried a load of stuff to help me calm down some when I'm freaking out.
However I no longer use pills or any form of medication to control it.
The best thing (and this might not work for you) but what works for me is quite simple
I go to my room and just lie down and focus on my breathing.
deep breaths, relax your shoulders, relax your arms, consciously relax every muscle in your body and just breathe. Let the thoughts that are causing you anxiety dissolve from your mind. Imagine a place were it's calm and peaceful. For me I think of a small non-touristy beach I visited years ago in Croatia. I play it back in my head, the sun, the water, the waves, the birds, the sand, flip flops, imagine myself just lying on the sand half asleep in the sun. Within minutes my heart rate has slowed and I feel myself drifting off into nap time haha.
I've tried a load of stuff to help me calm down some when I'm freaking out.
However I no longer use pills or any form of medication to control it.
The best thing (and this might not work for you) but what works for me is quite simple
I go to my room and just lie down and focus on my breathing.
deep breaths, relax your shoulders, relax your arms, consciously relax every muscle in your body and just breathe. Let the thoughts that are causing you anxiety dissolve from your mind. Imagine a place were it's calm and peaceful. For me I think of a small non-touristy beach I visited years ago in Croatia. I play it back in my head, the sun, the water, the waves, the birds, the sand, flip flops, imagine myself just lying on the sand half asleep in the sun. Within minutes my heart rate has slowed and I feel myself drifting off into nap time haha.