Hello, I'm new here

[WaningMoon]

Hello, I'm new here. I'm 26 years old. I found this place because I have been suffering from anxiety since some years algo. I feel good normally but when it comes these thoughts to my head I can't get rid of them for days.

For example, two months ago I was going to give a speach at work. I was not worried about me in front of hundred people, I felt insecure because I didn't want to wear a dress. And I felt so so anxious about it, like I was going to be horrible and everyone was going to hate me. y hands shake, horrible thoughts I coudln't even sleep. Well, that kind of things.


Right now, I'm feeling like I have colon cancer becuse I have some sympoms and I don't want to go to the doctors again because I'm too frightened that they will start asking me to do all of the clinical analysis and go through the process that people with cancer do, like colonoscopy and those things and I'm sure I'm going to colapse when they say so. I don't want to be sick and I don't want to die that way or go through that.

I've had these feelings that I'm going to die before but right now, since I have symptoms, this is more real. I even imagine people telling me that everything is going to be ok and trying to be strong and stuff after I know I have colon cancer. It's horrible. I know I should go to the doctor but I don't want to.


Well, I just was going to introduce myself. See you soon, you all.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[MikeyC]

Welcome, WaningMoon, but you really should be going to the doctor!

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Welcome to the forum. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying (except for wearing a dress *wink). I remember back in college, I had so much anxiety that it translated into physical symptoms. My stomach hurt, I was constipated, had IBS, and I self diagnosed my depression as chronic fatigue syndrome. I spent most of the day just laying around. I had very little energy. My classwork piled up which made me worry even more and the symptoms increased. A vicious self feeding cycle.

When my Depression first hit, I was around 17. It was so severe, I would stay in bed most of the time. I developed these headaches where my eyes would water. I thought my brain was swelling. I remember telling a friend that I was going to die.

Anxiety, depression, constant worrying, often manifests into physical symptoms. You can literally worry yourself sick! You like me, fear, fear. Where our initial fear is surpassed by what we dread and imagine in our minds. The longer we prolong in dealing with the fear, the bigger it gets. Until, it become all consuming and takes a life of it's own.

My advice. Deal with things head on! I know that easier said that done. But, worrying about it will do you no good. If you don't see a doctor, you'll convince yourself that you do have cancer and you'll begin to really feel like you're dying. Even if there is nothing physically wrong with you. One of my problems is that I sometimes think if I avoid my fear it will go away. I'll just put my head in a hole. But, that doesn't work because your mind will continue to ruminate about it.

Most likely you don't have cancer. I think you're just worried sick.Your real problem is that you fear that everyone will hate you. You're afraid of ridicule, criticism and judgment (so am I!). People don't hate you........the problem is that you don't think very highly of yourself.

 

[Opaline]

People don't hate you........the problem is that you don't think very highly of yourself.

Not necessarily.

I have the similar fears but I don't think poorly of myself. It's simply an irrational fear, and it's not necessarily always rooted in low self-esteem. A therapist once gave me a little test to measure my self-esteem and just as I suspected, I didn't have low self-esteem. I think it's entirely possible to feel good about yourself otherwise but still have social anxiety. It's part of what makes this disorder still such a mystery. We really know very little about it, besides symptoms and some things that sometimes work to mitigate them.

Welcome to the forum, WaningMoon.

 

[Kiwong]

I have had a colonoscopy, it is no big deal, they just stick a camera up your bum. It's only a test to rule out that you have cancer, or some other internal problem. Turned out I had haemorrhoids, which was hardly life threatening. A self diagnosis of colon cancer sounds like your anxiety speaking to me. Why do you think you have colon cancer?

I went through a phase like that, I imagined I had every life threatening illness under the sun. It was only anxiety and panic disorder, my mind convincing me that the symptoms of stress where brain cancer, a heart problem, you name it. I made about 7 visits to hospital emergency wards around the country, because my mind convinced me I was dying of a heart attack.

I think it is unlikely you have cancer, I reckon you should get to a doctor. That way you can rule a serious illness out, and then not have to worry about it anymore.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Not necessarily.

I have the similar fears but I don't think poorly of myself. It's simply an irrational fear, and it's not necessarily always rooted in low self-esteem. A therapist once gave me a little test to measure my self-esteem and just as I suspected, I didn't have low self-esteem. I think it's entirely possible to feel good about yourself otherwise but still have social anxiety. It's part of what makes this disorder still such a mystery. We really know very little about it, besides symptoms and some things that sometimes work to mitigate them.

Welcome to the forum, WaningMoon.

I see your point. I guess there are exceptions. A lot of it is chemical. Our social baseline is low to begin with. We have a natural disposition of anxiety in social situations.

 

[WaningMoon]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

Thank you, sir.

Welcome, WaningMoon, but you really should be going to the doctor!

I know I should, but I'm terrified about the thought.

Most likely you don't have cancer. I think you're just worried sick.Your real problem is that you fear that everyone will hate you. You're afraid of ridicule, criticism and judgment (so am I!).

Oh yeah, this, about people hating me, have been one of my recurrent thoughts in life and yes, my mind works 24/7. I was emotionally abused when I was a child and I grew up with these horrible ideas in my mind. Still hard to get rid of them or belive they are not true.

I hope I don't have colon cancer, but since last year, I can't think about other thing, plus there are some physical things that tell me I'm so right and that I am actually sick that it's hard to think about something else. I'm going to take a book and try to clear my mind until Decemeber 20 that I visit my family in another city and I will try to make an appointment, I hope I don't get coward when it comes the time. There is no one where I live. And I hope everything goes well. I really really hope that.

Thank you so much.

Welcome to the forum, WaningMoon.

Thankyou, Opaine

Why do you think you have colon cancer?


(...)That way you can rule a serious illness out, and then not have to worry about it anymore.

It seems you know very well how this works, Kiwong.

I also had hemorroids some time ago, Kiwong. But now it's different. It's blood in stool. I don't think I have hemorroids anymore. Plus the blood is not red as they say it should be, it's not black either and that's why I feel so so terrified. I feel like this surely should be the beginnings of cancer.

I also used to think I had breast cancer, alzheimer or that I was not going to be able to ever sleep (I had insomnia some time ago), but right now it's different because I'm seeing things. I don't want to take it like: "bah, it's my anxiety", because I'm afraid it will get worse, but I don't want to go to the doctors and start all of that process of clinical analysis. I promised to myself that I was going to go on December (after 20) and I do hope I do it. I saw one gastr before and he made me some analysis but he said I didn't have to worry about, but I remember I didn't tell him the true about the blood color. So, I can't be relaxed. I've been like this since last year I think.


I don't tell anyone so my stress get worse.


Thankyou, Kiwong. Hugs.

 

[MikeyC]

So what exactly is stressing you about going to the doctor? The chance that you're right and it is cancer? Do you not want to get treatment?

Sure, it's going to be intrusive and it's not going to be easy getting better, but surely the knowledge that you are getting better would be easier to handle than what you're currently experiencing with your anxiety about the whole thing.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Not necessarily.

I have the similar fears but I don't think poorly of myself. It's simply an irrational fear, and it's not necessarily always rooted in low self-esteem. A therapist once gave me a little test to measure my self-esteem and just as I suspected, I didn't have low self-esteem. I think it's entirely possible to feel good about yourself otherwise but still have social anxiety. It's part of what makes this disorder still such a mystery. We really know very little about it, besides symptoms and some things that sometimes work to mitigate them.

Welcome to the forum, WaningMoon.

I also had hemorroids some time ago, Kiwong. But now it's different. It's blood in stool. I don't think I have hemorroids anymore. Plus the blood is not red as they say it should be, it's not black either and that's why I feel so so terrified. I feel like this surely should be the beginnings of cancer.

I also used to think I had breast cancer, alzheimer or that I was not going to be able to ever sleep (I had insomnia some time ago), but right now it's different because I'm seeing things. I don't want to take it like: "bah, it's my anxiety", because I'm afraid it will get worse, but I don't want to go to the doctors and start all of that process of clinical analysis. I promised to myself that I was going to go on December (after 20) and I do hope I do it. I saw one gastr before and he made me some analysis but he said I didn't have to worry about, but I remember I didn't tell him the true about the blood color. So, I can't be relaxed. I've been like this since last year I think.


I don't tell anyone so my stress get worse.


Thankyou, Kiwong. Hugs.

Alzheimers in your twenties. It almost sounds like you have hypochrondiac tendencies. (I hope that's not insulting). But, blood in the stool sounds serious enough to talk to a doctor about.

Sorry to hear that you were abused as a child......Have you ever talked to a therapist before? I finally had the courage to see a Psychiatrist last year. Now I'm seeing a therapist once a week. It really helps!

 

[Kiwong]

It seems you know very well how this works, Kiwong.

I also had hemorroids some time ago, Kiwong. But now it's different. It's blood in stool. I don't think I have hemorroids anymore. Plus the blood is not red as they say it should be, it's not black either and that's why I feel so so terrified. I feel like this surely should be the beginnings of cancer.

I also used to think I had breast cancer, alzheimer or that I was not going to be able to ever sleep (I had insomnia some time ago), but right now it's different because I'm seeing things. I don't want to take it like: "bah, it's my anxiety", because I'm afraid it will get worse, but I don't want to go to the doctors and start all of that process of clinical analysis. I promised to myself that I was going to go on December (after 20) and I do hope I do it. I saw one gastr before and he made me some analysis but he said I didn't have to worry about, but I remember I didn't tell him the true about the blood color. So, I can't be relaxed. I've been like this since last year I think.


I don't tell anyone so my stress get worse.


Thankyou, Kiwong. Hugs

My thoughts are the quicker you know what's going on, the better your chances of getting better from it. My Uncle had colon cancer in his 50s, he had an operation to remove it, and live until his late 80s.

Clinical analysis was what made me get better. I ruled out all the life threatening conditions, and then when I started to have a panic attack, I challenged that anxiety and said you can't kill me, you've got nothing panic. The panic attacks lost their power, and I haven't had one for 6 years.

I know what you're going through Waningmoon, I've been there, my advice would be to find the answers, if only to quieten your mind

Good luck with it Waning Moon.

 

[WaningMoon]

Sure, it's going to be intrusive and it's not going to be easy getting better, but surely the knowledge that you are getting better would be easier to handle than what you're currently experiencing with your anxiety about the whole thing.

I know, it's just I just see all of this like the beggining of the end. I know anxiety is worse and I should be getting help right now, but right now I just can't do much. If there was a gastroent here I'm sure I already had visited one but there is not. I'll wait for when I'm with my family in my city, private thing, not trhough my social security. I'm panicked, I hope I can go to the doctor and be clear.

Alzheimers in your twenties. It almost sounds like you have hypochrondiac tendencies. (I hope that's not insulting). But, blood in the stool sounds serious enough to talk to a doctor about.

Sorry to hear that you were abused as a child......Have you ever talked to a therapist before? I finally had the courage to see a Psychiatrist last year. Now I'm seeing a therapist once a week. It really helps!

It is serious, I've seen three doctors already but I'm visiting one again in some days because this is different. I'm actually in therapy, too, but I haven't talked about this to her, plus writing helps me a lot. And yes, it really helps, I'm so much better now. You had known me some years ago, I was creepy lol. I'm getting better.

My thoughts are the quicker you know what's going on, the better your chances of getting better from it. My Uncle had colon cancer in his 50s, he had an operation to remove it, and live until his late 80s.

Clinical analysis was what made me get better. I ruled out all the life threatening conditions, and then when I started to have a panic attack, I challenged that anxiety and said you can't kill me, you've got nothing panic. The panic attacks lost their power, and I haven't had one for 6 years.

I know what you're going through Waningmoon, I've been there, my advice would be to find the answers, if only to quieten your mind

Good luck with it Waning Moon.

Sounds like a great control of fear, Kiwong. I hope to do that one day. I hope it really isn't cancer but I'm sure it is, so... It's kind of difficult to be quiet.

Thank you, all.

 

[WaningMoon]

I'm in the waiting room. I came to see my doctor. I'm shaking. Maybe he will send me with a gastr or he will say it's nothing serious. I heard this last year and it did feel like something serious. I'm so nervous that I'm about to throw up, my stomach is not good either.


I wish I didn't have to go through this :s . It's too much.

 

[coyote]

you'll be ok

try to remind yourself that this moment won't last forever

 

[WaningMoon]

you'll be ok

try to remind yourself that this moment won't last forever

He gave me some medicines, if I don't get better in one month I will go to do more analysis... Afraid I'll try not to think about it in this month...

 

[bigcat1967]

Welcome to the forum. As you can see - people are diving in to assist you.

We are one big happy family!

 

[Kiwong]

He gave me some medicines, if I don't get better in one month I will go to do more analysis... Afraid I'll try not to think about it in this month...

What does the Doctor think you have? You sound like you are sick from worrying.

 

[WaningMoon]

What does the Doctor think you have? You sound like you are sick from worrying.

Yes, I'm sock of worrying, I don't want to keep crying anymore, I'm good today. He thinks I have internal hemorroids because that's what I had last year...