Healthy/Unhealthy Ways of Coping

[nodejesque]

Hola,
So I just woke up from a nightmare. They have been recurrent for the past several months. Sometimes so vivid, I can smell the anguish. I am sure it's due a combination of stress, anxiety and depression. I am not taking medication for my mental health at the moment, because I am honestly sick of medication in general.

What this brings me to is... What are some coping skills that y'all practice to help you get over some of the more cumbersome effects of anxiety.

I've tried everything. I work out daily, I read, I try and practice mindfulness... My diet isn't the greatest because I love chocolate and pizza.

But I can't imagine my diet contributing greatly to my mental health problems. Talking to someone isn't an option for me, as usually anxiety will drive me to isolation. I have hundreds of unopened text messages and voice mails. I avoid people, because I get overwhelming feelings of guilt and uselessness.

Sometimes I end up internalizing the most inconsequential of things. A negative comment, feeling or perceived issue. Rationally I understand it's of little or no importance. But emotionally, I allow it to really bring me down. Many times without even realizing it, I have subconsciously already made myself feel like crap. And this will lead to nightmares or anxiety.

I guess I am interested is hearing what some of you may use as coping skills in these times.

 

[nodejesque]

And I don't mean to ask or suggest for "unhealthy" ways of Coping. Initially, my thread was going to share some of the unhealthy ways that I thought were helpful to me, but were in fact just adding to my anxiety. Such as using avoidance as a coping skill.


Anyway. I forgot to change the title of the thread.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Hey Nodes
I think for me, I have realized that if I leave something festering in the background- such as an appointment I've put off, a phone call i havent returned, a txt I havent replied to or anything else for that matter, I've realized that for me if I leave it, that feeling only gets worse.
Now I'm not saying I tackle everything head on there and then. I still can put things off.
But usually I'll just bite the bullet and do what needs to be done. Not because I want to, more so because it gets that monkey off my back and outta my mind. It simply relieves the pressure.
Another thing I have learned, is for me, I've learned to focus less on anyone else. Because thats a main cause of anxiety in general - focussing on what others may be thinking. I guess in the end the only way - and most effective way for me - was I learned not to give a s h i t what others think. Not even to contemplate it.

Of course there are some days and moments where anxiety spikes, but overall I'm dealing with it better with those 2 approaches.

 

[Kiwong]

Welcome back nodejesque, glad to hear you are ok.

I cope with running, photography, writing, guitar music.

Last year I started on medication for the first time, and ha been working on exposing myself to situations that make me anxious. Although it was fearful at the start I can now cope better in social situations. I have re-developed social skills and confidence.

 

[Miserum]

But I can't imagine my diet contributing greatly to my mental health problems.

In all likelihood, yeah, it's probably not your diet. But, if I recall correctly, your diet can have an effect on your gut bacteria, and your gut bacteria can have an effect on your mood. Might be worth googling.

 

[Miserum]

I guess in the end the only way - and most effective way for me - was I learned not to give a s h i t what others think. Not even to contemplate it.

I'm guessing this has had a positive net effect on your life. Despite this, and contrary to you not giving a shit, not even to contemplate it... aren't you at all somewhat worried that you might be missing something that might actually be correct by the judgement of others if you decide to ignore judgement altogether?

For example, I've had a friend (one that I believe usually has good judgement) tell me that I can be socially awkward--with examples--which confirms my paranoia about being socially awkward; this has bolstered my motivation to analyze myself, and to become better, even if it was initially hard to accept that I really am, without a doubt, socially awkward.

I could have just ignored this comment, and perhaps remain exactly the same as I've always been. Of course it could be argued that his comment could have worsened my anxiety, but I refuse to perceive it that way. I see it as external confirmation of my own internal experience. Maybe accepting his judgement will be a good thing over the long run.

Anyway, before this gets too long, I guess the heart of my question is simply clarification on what you mean by not giving a shit. To my mind, this seems like a good way to close off personal, insightful opportunities. But I could just be reading you wrong, which is why I am asking for clarification.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I'm guessing this has had a positive net effect on your life. Despite this, and contrary to you not giving a shit, not even to contemplate it... aren't you at all somewhat worried that you might be missing something that might actually be correct by the judgement of others if you decide to ignore judgement altogether?

For example, I've had a friend (one that I believe usually has good judgement) tell me that I can be socially awkward--with examples--which confirms my paranoia about being socially awkward; this has bolstered my motivation to analyze myself, and to become better, even if it was initially hard to accept that I really am, without a doubt, socially awkward.

I could have just ignored this comment, and perhaps remain exactly the same as I've always been. Of course it could be argued that his comment could have worsened my anxiety, but I refuse to perceive it that way. I see it as external confirmation of my own internal experience. Maybe accepting his judgement will be a good thing over the long run.

Anyway, before this gets too long, I guess the heart of my question is simply clarification on what you mean by not giving a shit. To my mind, this seems like a good way to close off personal, insightful opportunities. But I could just be reading you wrong, which is why I am asking for clarification.

I guess what I mean by that, is I got so tired of worrying about what others may have been thinking of me that the daily grind of mentally trying to re-train my processes became exhausting aswell. That and the fact that I actually was actually pretty ok with who I was as a person, I thought why do I need to be remoulding myself into something which I obviously am not.

I got probably one of the best pieces of advice from my shrink at the time.
I told him I felt there wasn't actually anything wrong with me as a person. But I felt like I was a square peg in a town full of round holes.I just didnt fit in. He replied, I think you're right. People come in all shapes and sizes and that includes their mind sets too.
He said there was nothing wrong with not liking parties etc and all I needed was to find somewhere where I could do the things I was comfortable doing.
So I moved towns and I stopped trying to make myself into a "round peg". I no longer care to try and shape myself into something I'm not. I stopped giving a shit what other round pegs thought of the square peg.
I've been much more at ease within myself since I learned to do that.
Anyway, square pegs are much sexier than round ones

 

[Miserum]

I guess what I mean by that, is I got so tired of worrying about what others may have been thinking of me that the daily grind of mentally trying to re-train my processes became exhausting aswell. That and the fact that I actually was actually pretty ok with who I was as a person, I thought why do I need to be remoulding myself into something which I obviously am not.

I got probably one of the best pieces of advice from my shrink at the time.
I told him I felt there wasn't actually anything wrong with me as a person. But I felt like I was a square peg in a town full of round holes.I just didnt fit in. He replied, I think you're right. People come in all shapes and sizes and that includes their mind sets too.
He said there was nothing wrong with not liking parties etc and all I needed was to find somewhere where I could do the things I was comfortable doing.
So I moved towns and I stopped trying to make myself into a "round peg". I no longer care to try and shape myself into something I'm not. I stopped giving a shit what other round pegs thought of the square peg.
I've been much more at ease within myself since I learned to do that.
Anyway, square pegs are much sexier than round ones

That's awesome and somehow comforting to know that you found solace without resorting to giving in to "the tribe." I am actually happy for you.

Personally, I DO feel that there is something wrong with me. I'm tired of being on the outside. BUT... your post has me thinking... perhaps I am not giving myself enough credit at the same time. So I have some oddities. Those are oddities that I accept. There are some oddities I wish I didn't have. But I am not required to be plain vanilla in order to fit in. I can probably swing it with some of those oddities I approve of. And aren't oddities what make us unique individuals (talking about the good ones here)?

I also feel that relationships are compromises. If you're lucky, you don't need to make compromises in order to fit in; you fit in by virtue of either being accepted outrightly for who you are, or simply not caring that much about what other people think of you and taking their judgement in stride. But many of us do need to compromise in order to FEEL like we fit in. The perfect example I guess, and it is a truism, would be working in a professional setting; most people have to put on a work face, which is still them, yet a veiled version of them. I doubt most people would expose their true selves at work out of fear of losing their means to life, or just as likely, their reputation. So they make compromises. They only allow some of their true self out.

And maybe that's what I need to do until I figure out how to fix the oddities I DON'T accept. I want to be something I am proud of. And to bring this full circle, that's why I think there is insight in the opinions of (certain) others. They can see things I can't, and may be able to point out perspectives I hadn't thought of. Your post is the perfect example. It forced a new perspective on me and allowed me to think in a new way: I was pigeonholing all of my oddities into one box, when I should have been delineating them into more nuanced categories. I was thinking "WHY is everything I do so fucking WEIRD?" when I should have been asking "What are the things that are weird in a bad way, and what are things that are weird in an endearing way? What type of people would be accepting of those good qualities? Maybe I should find more people like that?"

So thanks for that. Sorry if I'm rambling again.

That robot seems to have done its fair share of erecting. And from the looks of it, quite possibly demolishing.

 

[PugofCrydee]

That's awesome and somehow comforting to know that you found solace without resorting to giving in to "the tribe." I am actually happy for you.

Personally, I DO feel that there is something wrong with me. I'm tired of being on the outside. BUT... your post has me thinking... perhaps I am not giving myself enough credit at the same time. So I have some oddities. Those are oddities that I accept. There are some oddities I wish I didn't have. But I am not required to be plain vanilla in order to fit in. I can probably swing it with some of those oddities I approve of. And aren't oddities what make us unique individuals (talking about the good ones here)?

I also feel that relationships are compromises. If you're lucky, you don't need to make compromises in order to fit in; you fit in by virtue of either being accepted outrightly for who you are, or simply not caring that much about what other people think of you and taking their judgement in stride. But many of us do need to compromise in order to FEEL like we fit in. The perfect example I guess, and it is a truism, would be working in a professional setting; most people have to put on a work face, which is still them, yet a veiled version of them. I doubt most people would expose their true selves at work out of fear of losing their means to life, or just as likely, their reputation. So they make compromises. They only allow some of their true self out.

And maybe that's what I need to do until I figure out how to fix the oddities I DON'T accept. I want to be something I am proud of. And to bring this full circle, that's why I think there is insight in the opinions of (certain) others. They can see things I can't, and may be able to point out perspectives I hadn't thought of. Your post is the perfect example. It forced a new perspective on me and allowed me to think in a new way: I was pigeonholing all of my oddities into one box, when I should have been delineating them into more nuanced categories. I was thinking "WHY is everything I do so fucking WEIRD?" when I should have been asking "What are the things that are weird in a bad way, and what are things that are weird in an endearing way? What type of people would be accepting of those good qualities? Maybe I should find more people like that?"

So thanks for that. Sorry if I'm rambling again.

That robot seems to have done its fair share of erecting. And from the looks of it, quite possibly demolishing.

Great post mate. You remind me of myself actually, when I was still searching within my own mind for some solace and contentment.

Yes absolutely when I go to work I have to put on my work mask (I think 90% of people do that and the other 10% are sociopaths, psychopaths or narcissistic) but other than that I just be me.

Yes, I definitely have my days and moments where I don't feel like I'm in that self assured mind space. But I always find my way back there.
You seem like a very insightful, thoughtful and intelligent person. I truly think you will eventually find your space to exist in. It takes time and you may have a ways to go yet on your journey.
Life and existing is all about perspective. And I am confident you'll one day find yours

 

[Sacrament]

I think exercise is one of the things that work the best because it also motivates you to eat better. Also, meditation, and reassessing your relationship with yourself, the people around you, and your day-to-day life. Trying to find the positive things about your daily activities and about people instead of focusing on the negatives. Also, challenging yourself to do something that scares you on a regular basis.