Have you ever contemplated suicide?

[ktea]

Have you ever reached such a depth of hopelessness and despair that you contemplated suicide and wanted to end your own life? If so what was it that prevented you from going through with it? What made you NOT act on the thoughts?

OR
Have you ever attempted suicide but been "saved"? Were you relieved that you have been found and saved or annoyed?

Recently i've been feeling really depressed and i've considered suicide daily.

 

[bleach]

Yes. I was too scared to go through with it. I've always been a coward.

 

[sketchy24]

Well it is something I have constantly thought about in the past. Not so much contemplating it as fantasizing about it. Or romanticizing about it rather. There are times when I really do consider it. To be honest, the two things that keep me from actually doing it even though I have the gun in the room next to mine. First, as a Christian, I don't wanna give up on God. Killing my self is like saying, I know better than you, I don't trust you enough to keep on living. Second, and this makes me start to cry thinking about it, is the aftermath. Even though I don't think anyone else would really care, my mom for some unknown reason does. I've seen how she reacts like when my brother just moves away to another state or something. I personally think she clings to us too much. Anyway, if I died, I can always picture what it would be like after wards finding the body etc and just seeing my moms reaction in my head is hard. I know she'd be yelling at me calling me a stupid idiot for doing something so selfish and it would bother her forever.

So even though I may be in pain a lot, I don't wanna put others in pain too. And theres probably more people who would care than I realize but with such a negative opinion of my self, I don't think there is.

Anyway, ya. I dont know if you've seen "The Mist" but anyway, at the end the main character does something really stupid cause they gave up hope. And then a few minutes later, after he does this horrible thing, the mist clears and help comes. But he already destroyed his life and has to live with his rash decision for the rest of his life. If he would have waited just a little longer, they would have had a happy ending. So you never know when the mist will clear. I just keep hoping the next day will be different and one day, it will be Today was better than yesterday for me... I was actually quite happy today. I think people noticed too cause people at work made more of an effort to talk to me today and didn't really talk to me like I was retarded or something.

 

[DaDahhhhDaDaDa]

Have you ever reached such a depth of hopelessness and despair that you contemplated suicide and wanted to end your own life? If so what was it that prevented you from going through with it? What made you NOT act on the thoughts?

Yep, it has only been half a year since I've had depression and Social Phobia. I've recovered, but I still remember certain times when I'd come home from school and my entire afternoon would be consumed thinking about suicide. There were two things stopping me:

1. Family and Friends, you are not the only one effected. Think of how your parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters would react to your death. I would imagine after finding me dead, my parents would fall into distress and follow my example. This would all be so incredibly distressing to friends and family, it would be like a domino effect of depression.

2. Once you're gone, regardless of whatever you believe in, there is a good chance that you won't be coming back. Imagine the TV turned off - when you're dead it's turned off for eternity. Whatever has made you depressed, the TV analogy is an equally depressing thought, if not more so. What happens if some point in the future you make it, get over your ordeal, become successful and live out whatever dream you happen to have?

 

[bleach]

2. Once you're gone, regardless of whatever you believe in, there is a good chance that you won't be coming back. Imagine the TV turned off - when you're dead it's turned off for eternity. Whatever has made you depressed, the TV analogy is an equally depressing thought, if not more so. What happens if some point in the future you make it, get over your ordeal, become successful and live out whatever dream you happen to have?

Then the TV eventually turns off on its own, and nothing you did mattered anyway.

 

[creep_x]

Recently i've been feeling really depressed and i've considered suicide daily.

Everyone goes through bad phases & you shouldn't consider suicide just coz you are going through one. Things could really change, you never know. So hang in there
But if you have tried everything & waited really really long... um then I dunno.
I personally think of suicide as a back-up :lol:

 

[DaDahhhhDaDaDa]

Then the TV eventually turns off on its own, and nothing you did mattered anyway.

Absolutely. But it's those last few years as a giser, before your impending death, when you realise that it mattered. You can look back and see all your accomplishments. You'll see that you had gotten over the tough parts of your life, you've overcome more hardships than most other people and perhaps you've succeeded despite all of these hardships. You might have made a lot of money or became famous or helped a lot of others or raised a family or whatever else you can think of. Just making it to a late age is an accomplishment in itself, given how many things can kill us that we live through everyday. Basically you've left your legacy in the world, even if it doesn't seem like much, it's still a legacy.

 

[Sacrament]

I would never do that to the people who I love and who love me back. Plus, I simply don't want to take the cowardly road out of the highway.

 

[princess_haru]

Then the TV eventually turns off on its own, and nothing you did mattered anyway.

I used to feel this way too, especially after someone very close to me died, but over the past few years I've come to feel that each individual moment is as important as the next. It's hard to explain without it sounding cliched, but I really believe that living for the moment is the best way to appreciate our lives and experience all that we can from them.

Why should the fact that we'll cease to exist one day negate all of our experiences and achievements? People tend to obsess over capturing and storing every part of their lives, recording everything with photos and diaries and videos, but if I were to go on a holiday and see amazing sights, meet interesting people etc, would my experiences cease to matter if they weren't recorded for posterity? Would a grisly murder or heroic act have no impact on the world if it were left out of the history books and eventually forgotten?

Life is transient and this makes us nostalgic for the past and fearful of the future. It seems like we don't spend much time in the present, appreciating our surroundings and enjoying the moment. Think of the times you've spent a special day (Christmas as a kid, trips to exciting places etc) checking the time and bemoaning the fact that it's nearly over rather than just having fun - and this really applies to all of life.

Sorry if this sounds a bit ranty, it's just something that I feel strongly about and I've never actually voiced (or written) these thoughts before, though it's been churning in my head for a while! This isn't at all an attack on what bleach wrote, and I can definitely sympathise with how s/he feels.

EDIT: I've just realised that I didn't answer the original question, sorry! Yes, I think about suicide a lot, despite everything I've written above.

 

[Argamemnon]

My belief in God keeps me going. If I were an atheist, I might have committed suicide by now, however, I would have chosen the "easiest" way (taking an overdose of antidepressants etc.), since I'm afraid to suffer. I'm a coward.

 

[samk]

It's all i really think about anymore .
But i am scared of messing up and the chance i could be handicapped or be put in the hospital scares me .

 

[Pretender]

I don't think about suicide often, just when im under a lot of stress. but when i do think about it i just tell myself "there's no way i could do that" and then i just stop thinking about it. what stops me from doing it is that i dont want people to be sad about me dying and mainly i dont want to be remembered as someone who killed himself. It would be nice if i could just disappear and everybody forgot about me :roll:

 

[blonderedhead]

OFTEN! But it usually comes periodically, like a few times every month. Someone asked if it matched my cycle but it doesn't seem to but its so strange that it seems to happen like on a schedule. Any ideas? The thing that keeps me going are my hopes and dreams and love, I suppose, but when I feel really low, even those things start to seem even more depressing, like they're so silly and farfetched. Its like the film "Requiem for a Dream", like I realize all this time that I desperately hold on to this false idea of a connection or of a dream. I was "Saved" once after an attempt. Waking up in the hospital I felt really ashamed and strange and sad. But in the long run I do feel grateful and relieved. I really do want to live, like really live and be happy. Best of luck to everyone here. Don't ever lose hope.

 

[Broken_Memory]

Definitely. Whenever I've felt like I can't face going to school - because of a presentation or because I feel altogether mortified- I always feel like "what's the point? If I can't get through school how am I going to survive later in life?" and then I'll get extremely down on myself. I think my worst point in life is when I switched to a private school (in hopes to find quieter students to befriend. that did NOT happen) and I realized I was so lonely and I couldn't go there anymore because of anxiety. Once I quit, my family thought I was being lazy. I didn't go to school for a year, and every day I felt like life was pointless. What really kept me happy, was the weekends- and looking forward to seeing a group of friends from a camp that I went to with my sister. Most of them are SO non-judgmental and I can really soar - personality wise- with them.
In any case, whenever I've felt suicidal, I feel much too afraid to do anything that would involve pain or potentially leave me in a worse situation if I didn't carry it out right.

Ironic, how fear makes life difficult- but fear also has kept me alive.

 

[Ukazuto]

A couple times... I only go so far and stop, I just can't go that far yet...

I've recently gotten into music and it's helped a bit, I find it helping me alot to listen to dark music instead of happy music... it just helps me relate to people...

 

[slicenrice]

today i am ultra depressed, because i am going to leave college, i am sick, i have bad anxiety, i feel like a huge loser, most of my friends don't care about me at all, and a million other things. what keeps me clinging on right now? the thought that life will one day be good again, and especially the thought of falling in love again. that really helps. and what it would do to my family. that would be terrible.

 

[SilentStranger]

@slicenrice: Are you quitting college or finishing college?

I got really depressed around the time I finished uni too. It was a number of things, including the fact that there is nothing else left apart from doing full time job, fact that what I used to school/uni is over, but most importantly because I had so much hopes for that time of my life. When I started uni, I said to myself I want to be normal by the time I finish uni... you know job, a girlfriend and be outgoing. None of that happened.

As for suicide, thought about that lots of times, but what stopped me from attempting seriously was what it would mean to my parents and my sibling and of course the pain and fear of dying.

-SS

 

[de]

yeah i have,there are a few reasons for not following through
1)ive got 3 younger brother who i get on with really well and it would be selfish of me to sacrifice there happiness so i can end my pain
2)im a christian and am convinced that me having this problem is a test of faith at leats that what i tell myself, and if its gods will for me having this then so be it
3)despite being a christian i am terrified of death to the point where if i start to think about it i freak out
4)it may seem crazy but sometimes when im lying in bed thinking of my life ;feeling sorry for myself, i think that this must all be a bad dream and i go to sleep hopeing that tommorrow ill wake up a different person or without my anxietys and panic
5)i guess really im a chicken and think it will hurt to much or that ill fuck it up and end up in a worse state then i already am

 

[zeppelin]

I have thought about ending my pathetic life. The only thing keeping from doing it is my parents. I am young and deeply depressed (beyond help) and I just can't do that to my parents. They shouldn't have to find me or bury me. However, if I didn't have parents I would have been gone a long time ago.

 

[bleach]

I have thought about ending my pathetic life. The only thing keeping from doing it is my parents. I am young and deeply depressed (beyond help) and I just can't do that to my parents. They shouldn't have to find me or bury me. However, if I didn't have parents I would have been gone a long time ago.

Have you tried looking for help, or are you jumping to the conclusion that you are beyond help simply because you are depressed? Sometimes when we feel that badly, we embrace beliefs without testing whether or not they are true first.