Has anyone ever tried to socialize?

[B_Quiet1]

Even with the social phobia have you ever tried being social?
How was it? Did it turn out to be a disaster or a relief?


I tried talking but I guess I was just to quiet for the other people to hear me because they just talked over me. It will be a long time before a I get that courage again.

 

[lettypagb]

i tried ,but then the person ignore me or just answer and go away, but now I have some friends and i am much better ,but i think its because i'm reading this book .

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Well sort of general; I mean - being social with a group? A single person; at work; at school, in line at the DMV... all can be different imo.

I've had my moments. Especially at my last job I became pretty good at times. Even in disaster in retrospect it was a relief and the best times when I was socializing at work (girls too =) I had bad faults but I learned and got better and it was relief and fun. Even the anxiety started going down. But Ionce that job ended I ended up back into recluse brood scared of opening my mouth mode.

Now I going back to school after a year off; feel like an alien. I've only talked when someone talked to me. There was one girl in a class I find attractive and had a perfect opportunity to talk to (after a midterm she was standing alone outside during the class break; so was I. 2 ft away. I could have asked her "what'd u think of the test?" corny stupid small thing like that but perfect opportunity. Instead I open my cell up and pretend I'm texting someone and walk the other way. :roll:

It can be very hard. Even when you've HAD the experience... if you go back to old ways it can feel like you've never socialized ever. I mean If this was me a year ago when I had my job I may have talked to her.

And the WORST IS when you TRY and speak up and no one hears u or suddenly stop and ask "did you say something?" heart wrenching. Feel ya there but still worth it imo. I just never built a foundation to fall back on even when I was socializing and getting better; so I crumbled back into bad SA.

I suggest asking more questions here; looking at what people have done to help their SA; and don't give up hope or trying.

 

[Azahara]

RA

Yes, I have ever try to socialize but I had negative experiences. Everyone have negative experiences. There are so many different people outside. Sometimes we misunderstand people behaviour. I think much depend on us. The way we face situations. How we become to obssesion about what was happen (A unreal interpretation of reality).
It seems to me that the most important is how are our thoughts before a social situation.
My previous negative thoughts had made me to avoid social situations and the problem is growing. I´ve missed social habilities.

Sometimes you find people who help you if they know your problem and make things easier.

Don´t let negative experiences will win. :wink:

See you!

 

[MrDooBee]

Ive tried, i mean i can do the small talk thing but i feel after that it falls apart, very fustrating for me. A couple of factors are that i have no life experiences and no interests, i think it turns people off. Also i have a big problem trusting people. Its sad to say but i hate normal people because it seems they got everything so easy. Sometimes its hard to seem friendly.

Ive been going to this social gathering recently, i can do the small talk but basically after that im fucked, very hard to make friends.

 

[Alaina]

I've been trying quite hard for just over a year now. Previously, when I was at university, I didn't really try.. I had to a bit, but basically I shut myself away most of the time. But since starting at a post-graduate college in September of last year, I have been trying a lot harder to integrate, to learn social skills, to be normal, and to socialise.

I don't even know whether it's really working, or worth it. I think it must be worth it though, even though it's really hard and there's a lot of failure involved. There are a very few good experiences that come out of interacting with people, and I wouldn't want to not have had them.

You also do improve a bit, and gain some social skills. There is still a LONG way to go, and I still feel really bad at it at the moment. But if you can try, I think it is worth trying. It's really hard, but you just have to try really really hard. It does feel like it's not worth it some of the time, but I think it's something I HAVE to do, whether I like it or not.

 

[mitchellb999]

Even with the social phobia have you ever tried being social?
How was it? Did it turn out to be a disaster or a relief?


I tried talking but I guess I was just to quiet for the other people to hear me because they just talked over me. It will be a long time before a I get that courage again.

It takes me a long time to start talking to new people. I have to be around the person or group for a month before I am comfortable enough and even then I don't ever know what to say.

 

[PennyLane]

Yeah I try to be social quite often....im pretty bad still at saying yes to parties and things though.

My problem is that when I do speak I over analyse it afterwards...so staying quiet helps keep my mind calm after. I get nervous that I said or did the wrong thing. I worry im not "cool" so who wouls want to hear my bring rubbish!!

I think my mind must work by that saying: Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Last Summer I threw myself into meeting a girl I had been talking to online. I was sick to death of waiting and constantly telling myself "Tomorrow I'll do something..."

It resulted in the first sexual encounter I had had in a decade, which was heaven, but it also led to a torturous end to a nice friendship. Overall, I think I'm glad I did it, as it showed me that I can make myself do things that are terrifying if need be. I'll just be more selective next time and set better boundaries.

 

[WelshOne]

I'm trying to be social at college. I'm sort of 'in' with a group of 4 or 5 guys, and yesterday we walked into town for a bit a lunch break... but there's not a whole lot of conversation going on, and not just on my side. I think everyone is finding it hard to think of things to say. A lot of the lunch break was spent sitting on a wall counting the minutes, for us all.

Hopefully today will be a bit easier, being the second day and the ice already broken. If it remains really difficult though, I may eventually just resign myself to being a loner, and go off in my car at lunch.

 

[this_portrait]

Yes, I have. Multiple times.

It's probably just my mind running wild, but whenever I've tried socializing, I always feel like people don't really care if I talk or not. It's as if I'm just meant to be seen and not heard. =/

 

[Noca]

I try to socialize all the time thanks to Addy

 

[funkybunk]

Same thing with me, I was doing so good; but, this summer got me back into my old ways. I can't look anyone in the eye, I only speak when I'm spoken too. It's horrible, its hard for me to even order something a fast food place.