Group interaction?

[Quiet Angel]

Hi. I could use advice. Um...

I feel like I've mastered one-on-one interaction. However, I struggle so much with groups. I don't know why but my anxiety is much stronger with groups, even if it's just 2 people. I'm quiet the entire time. Do you guys have any tips?

 

[Madix]

ya im not sure why. maybe its cuz i feel retarded....meh.

 

[Lea]

I think I am quite allright with one to one interaction, but when it comes to saying something in a group, I can't get across a word. Why?? I always thought it was anxiety, but even if I knew and have spoken to each one from the group personally before, I still would have this. As if the group created some negative energy field or what . I always prepare what I am going to say, but usually end up saying a few words only or some nonsense and can't continue because I get somehow stuck and can't think.. Then I worry that I am seriously retarded.

 

[StrandedTangle]

Afraid not. I too am usually alright one on one, depending on who it is and circumstances. With Groups I am like a fish out of water. Even here.
My wife has Aspergers; which means she has difficulty with appropriate behaviour and other things. Twice this week alone; she has spoken right over the top of me at my daughter's school. This happens a lot and makes me want to withdraw even further.
Sorry; that's no help is it?

 

[Frazy91]

Same here, one on one, perfect, easy. Group...no matter how much i want to say something, i cant think of anything, and i never say anything at all. And then people think that im really quiet. It makes it even worse when some joker in the group or something starts bringing up how quiet you are being.

 

[Feathers]

group interaction is much more difficult for me too - it's easier if it's structured, like in a drama workshop or a course/class/seminar on something interesting where debate is encouraged and moderated...

it depends if you know people well or not, it helps to get to know them better and what they like, wish, want, admire... what you all have in common etc. then it's easier to present your ideas in a way that would be interesting for them - if they like films, you speak about films, etc. If everyone in the group is interested in different things, it may be a bit more difficult, usually people do share at least some interests though, so you can talk about that, or new things you've seen/heard about etc.

don't get discouraged if people speak on top of each other, or don't hear you, usually there's a lull after that, and you can get some words in.. you can ask again, or connect it with a different sentence/topic or a few..

if anyone says how quiet you are, it means they've run out of things to say and would like to hear what you have to say - maybe they're intrigued by your mysterious eyes or just interested to hear your thoughts! (or just don't know what to say and want to continue the conversation!)
you can joke back or have a few 'ready replies' - things that would be cool to talk about, or new things you heard on the radio, 'Hey, did you hear/see...?' Many people like to hear new stuff, especially if it's interesting, or discuss it..

 

[Feathers]

I think its worse with groups because of the multiple eyes and ears waiting in judgement - or so we perceive.

edit: the opposite of this are people who like to have an audience - they perceive themselves to be faultless & interesting. We, not so.

phocas, not true at least not always...

in a group, there can be different interests - so that's the more difficult thing for me - I'm pretty okay one on one, however, if two people want to talk about different things, I may start wondering what to talk about, who to talk with.. (trouble decision making )

in a group, there are actually LESS eyes on you - because everyone is looking at everyone else too - so you're more hidden and not so heard - this is exactly why some people (and kids) are braver in groups!
it may be good to look for 'allies' - people who share the same opinion, or who laugh at the same things you do... you can do that by looking at body language and making eye contact, laughing, smiling.. (where appropriate) getting to know people.. There are books about body language and such too

also, I sometimes like to have an audience, but I'm full aware of my flaws, ha ha!! sometimes I just go that I'm more interesting than my flaws though or that what I have to say is more interesting and more important than my embarassement or any silly things like that!!

it is also a very good feeling of 'connection' with the audience or a group, you can get to feel energized.. so you can look forward to that feeling and imagine how relaxed you'll be afterwards etc.