Good-Looking Guys

[liveevil]

This is geared toward guys but may apply to women...

Im not trying to be cocky or full of myself by writing this. but i have heard this from someone else on site called sosuave.com.

anyways are there any guys on this site that consider themselves good-looking...and i mean above average...like you stand out?

if so, do you think this causes or feeds your anxiety or shyness. For example, my friends would always expect me to be natural with chicks cause of my looks. Or I would get picked out of a crowd and challenged by some random meatheads at parties, like they felt i was a threat to them.

once again im not trying to be cocky or anything, just curious if anyone has experienced this.

 

[liveevil]

nobody huh?

 

[liveevil]

sweet...

 

[lifesnotfair]

I've been told by many women that i am butt ugly and wouldn't date me. So there goes the little self confidence i had... Thats why i don't post my pictures on dating sites anymore..

 

[Ddarko]

I can relate to what liveevil is saying. I've wondered about the effects of attractiveness on social anxiety before because I've often been told by my friends that I could get a lot of girls if only I would use my looks to my advantage. I doubt this myself because I am still insecure about my looks (my personality also probably poses a problem). I also think my attractiveness is facial more than bodily because I'm thin and have a pretty feminine figure for a guy.

I can remember being a teenager, and I'd often meet new people (especially older women, like friends of my mom and brother, etc.) and they'd say things like "Oh, what a handsome young man!" or something like that upon meeting me. I suppose teenagers get that a lot, but it would embarrass me. I think there is some expectation that attractiveness and extroversion go together, and that people are sometimes surprised when that's not the case. For guys as opposed to girls, the difference might be an expectation to be assertive if you're attractive. Males are expected to "go after the girl" more than vice versa. I actually think there are some studies showing that guys with social anxiety or other anxiety problems have more trouble finding a mate than girls with the same problems because of social expectations/roles.

 

[Emma]

I'm butt ugly, If I was beautiful I think I would be happy and not have social phobia, constant rejection has made me self conscious and disgusted when I look in the mirror

 

[Richey]

I'm butt ugly, If I was beautiful I think I would be happy and not have social phobia, constant rejection has made me self conscious and disgusted when I look in the mirror

you seem to have a heart of gold emma, and im sure your probably gorgeous.

i suppose im not ugly but my issue is that for a guy i feel too skinny so im constantly doing push-ups every night to try and add a little, its my out of control lightening metabolism that does this, so im not exactly a stand out, tall, well built looking guy that alot of girls seem to desire as a cliche, so it adds to the anxiety, i know that ive had a bunch of girl crushes over the years where they ended up wanting to ask out my taller more outgoing friends because they look and maybe act a little older, i can handle rejection now because ive had alot of rejection, so ive reached a stage where i just dont care, if i meet someone who is into me then that will give me hope that im not a lost cause.

now your saying that the anxiety of having above average looks is possible, i can see what your saying because it may draw more attention, although personally i would rather have above average looks because it can only help you in many ways, for instance at job interviews, looks can be considered important depending on the employment, you are more likely to receive attention from people, and most importantly you can rest easy knowing that you were blessed with charming looks, also it seems that people with above average looks generally are treated like royalty in group circles, its what ive noticed anyway, obviously personality counts for something but having SA i suppose means it could attract attention which is difficult to handle, anyhoo, good luck anyway :wink:

 

[Kitywhisca]

I am female and have experienced this. I think my social anxiety increased as I entered my teenage years, especially when out in stores, public places, etc. I noticed men were starring more often and this made me very uncomfortable. I am in my twenties now and I get cat calls, whistles, etc. Now, when I go to the grocery stores, mall, etc. I never want to go alone because of all the stress/anxiety created by the occassional glance/stares from men. I avoid eye contact and sometimes break out into a sweat if I'm in line and I think men are looking at me. I wish I had an invisibility cloak so I could shop in peace. I try to wear clothes the cover me up and don't draw attention. Usually, if someone is with me, I can focus on conversation with them and it is easier to block out the unwanted attention.

 

[maggie]

This is geared toward guys but may apply to women...

Im not trying to be cocky or full of myself by writing this. but i have heard this from someone else on site called sosuave.com.

anyways are there any guys on this site that consider themselves good-looking...and i mean above average...like you stand out?

if so, do you think this causes or feeds your anxiety or shyness. For example, my friends would always expect me to be natural with chicks cause of my looks. Or I would get picked out of a crowd and challenged by some random meatheads at parties, like they felt i was a threat to them.

once again im not trying to be cocky or anything, just curious if anyone has experienced this.

hey liveevil..i don't think you're being cocky at all..and i understand what you're saying. I think if others happen to find you good-looking, it can be an added pressure if you suffer from anxiety. I think the expectations to flirt, to feel comfortable with oneself, to be social..to date..to be happy..and just to get on in this world..would appear on the surface, to be easier if others consider you to be good-looking...i don't think it works that way, and can make you feel even more awkward 8O ..and i certainly don't think being considered nice-looking could somehow get rid of anxiety..maybe it would be helpful for some..but not all..i think people sometimes assume things are easier and more comfortable if you're nice-looking, but it doesn't always work out that way :?

 

[Thelema]

I'm butt ugly, If I was beautiful I think I would be happy and not have social phobia, constant rejection has made me self conscious and disgusted when I look in the mirror

you seem to have a heart of gold emma, and im sure your probably gorgeous.

i suppose im not ugly but my issue is that for a guy i feel too skinny so im constantly doing push-ups every night to try and add a little, its my out of control lightening metabolism that does this, so im not exactly a stand out, tall, well built looking guy that alot of girls seem to desire as a cliche, so it adds to the anxiety,

I know what its like to be really skinny. I'm still skinny but I have a little muscle now and muscle feels great. All you need is push ups and pull ups to develope the upper body. I suggest you buy a really good book called Never Gymless by Ross Enamait. It gives you a bunch of exercises that you can do with little or no equipment in your room in secret. Also gives you work out plans and nuitrition advice. You don't need lots of equipment to give yourself some muscle and stop feeling so skinny. If you do the exercises in a few months you'll WANT to take your shirt off :wink:

Here is Ross Enamait's forum http://www.rosstraining.com/forum/ tons of information

 

[Screwdriver1020]

fdsafweafsdfasdfasd

 

[Lonelyheart]

For example, my friends would always expect me to be natural with chicks cause of my looks

Sometimes I feel like a shy, sensitive, nerd trapped in a jocks body. I consider myself average; however, some people seem to think I'm attractive. Because of this, people expect me to be confident around women. In fact, men sometimes ask me for advice about women which is so embarrassing, since I've never had a girlfriend and, as a result, know very little about women. In addition, men often tell cruel jokes about virgins in front of me, complete oblivious to the fact that I am a virgin. Most people have no idea how lonely I am.

 

[blackcap]

I would give anything to be good looking. Of course I would give even more to have a good personality without SA! But if I had to be stuck with this personality and with SA, then at least if I was good looking then that would be one less reason to hate myself.

This past week really highlighted that. The really cute girl from our office in Singapore came to our office to do some training here. She's single, I'm single, we've chatted over MSN a bit, and I found out that one of the other girls over there had plans to try and set us up. I spent a bit of time with her over the week, and had plenty of opportunities to offer to show her around after work, but every time I thought about asking her I remembered how gorgeous she was and how ugly I am, and that I was kidding myself if I thought I had a chance. And I just thought, if only I was better looking, that would give me the extra confidence to take a chance and ask her out.

She's flying back to Singapore tonight, and now I'm all depressed because it was a reminder of what is lacking in my life (before this week I had kinda gotten into a routine where I was reasonably happy with my dull existence, now I've seen something I really want but can't have and I realise how crap it is).

I need an extreme makeover....

 

[SopranoFan85]

This is geared toward guys but may apply to women...

Im not trying to be cocky or full of myself by writing this. but i have heard this from someone else on site called sosuave.com.

anyways are there any guys on this site that consider themselves good-looking...and i mean above average...like you stand out?

if so, do you think this causes or feeds your anxiety or shyness. For example, my friends would always expect me to be natural with chicks cause of my looks. Or I would get picked out of a crowd and challenged by some random meatheads at parties, like they felt i was a threat to them.

once again im not trying to be cocky or anything, just curious if anyone has experienced this.

most people/girls have said they find me above average or very attractive, but i dont think that has much to do with my social anxiety/phobia.. I had a few GF's in high school but was always to shy and embarrased to do much, and my friends always asked me why i wasnt "shooting for chicks". my sp is more about confidence and low self esteem.. 3 years after high school, ive only been laid twice, and i think ppl think im gay bcos i dont have a GF... im pretty much a total loser now, no friends, no job, still at home... Im too afraid to even shop for myself. enough of that... to depressing to think about........

theres a few things i should work on, maybe to improve my confidence, like work out cos im skinny as. or buy some new clothes, get a haircut! i always find if i have to go somewhere, whatever bit of confidence boost i can give myself to supress my sp helps, but not much.
geez im all over the place here....

i know what u mean when u get some assh0le at a party or whatever try and start a fight with ya, bcos they percieve u as a threat.. i had that happen to me at like 60% of the parties i went to (before my friends moved away)

 

[Moonie]

I am more comfortable in my looks now. I felt pretty ugly in elementary and HS. In the beginning of college I worked out a lot more, wore more flattering clothes, etc. I have had men/young men whistle at me, etc. I never experienced this in HS, so I sort of liked this new "attention."

But at the same time, it really bothers me because I HATE my personality. Before I just thought I was weird and boring.. But now I am weird, bored, angry, hopeless, dreamless. At least when I was younger I thought things could get better- that I could magically transform. I devoted more time into other things- writing, reading, art, etc. Now all I care about is my looks because that's all I feel I have- and they are starting to go (all in a matter of 2 years.) I feel more jealous of other girls' looks now. When I was in HS and considered not as attractive, I didn't care about looks really. Now I am a jealous little monster. I would much rather be comfortable in my personality - be genuinely fine with who I am as a person than rely on a face/body.

 

[tommydog]

i have a friend with this problem. he dosnt have any social phobia, but he has a very low self esteem, his in a terrible situation. anyhow, his probly 6'1 or 2, tall good looking bloke. He walks hunched over, is skinny, and wears daggy clothes. I asked him why he walkes that way,and he told me he hates bieng tall, dosnt want to stand out. In my opinion, if he put the effort it, he would like so good it would improve his confidence, but he dosnt want to do it.

for me i thank my stars every day for my appearance and my youth. i only worry that i rest too much of my confidence and my young guy banter, looks, muscles, ect, when i get older and i lose this, especially the ability to have a mad body, ill need another source for my confidence. does that make sense ?

 

[themousethatroared]

All I can see is that no one really wants to stand out and be singled out as different. I was tall and thin as a youth so that was something that I did not like because I stood out or I thought I did. Being good looking should be the same you would stand out. Having social anxiety you want to blend in and having something that makes you stand out would make you self-conscious. My height makes me stand out now being 6'5" so do I wish I was shorter well not now I think with sa I would find something that I would think would make me stand out no matter what I looked like. I could say I wish I was better looking and then if I was and got more attention I would not like it I would suppose. Try to feel good about being handsome. Not much you can do about it. Not much I can do about my height. I might as well learn to live with it.

 

[COALPORTER]

I'm a man and I have this problem and it really sucks.
See, I was way fat as a child and teenager and young adult.
I hated my body and had sevear body image problem.
I hated going swining and talking showers at gym glass (PE)
I would always keep my shirt on at the beach.
I hated myself so much , I never even tried to ask a girl on a date.
I thought why would anyone like a big fat pig like me.
Then I didn't get real good looking until I was 30.
I went on a super diet and worked out like a body bulder for two years.
I bought tons of real nice close and went out in public as much as possible.
I was getting tons of looks and nice smiles from woman and even teenage girls thought I was hot and some cat calls and the guys at work said I looked more like an action figure than a person (I take as complement and funny). Now people ask me if I just got out of the Marines or Pro football. I thought all I need was to be super good looking and everything would just happen. I went to a few singles things, and thats when I discovered my social skills are way behind. Like a 8 year old.

I've discoverd I'm all dressed up with no place to go..I don't know how to go.

 

[triceratops]

Hi, I'm not a guy, so this isn't really what you were looking for but I think I might be able to relate anyway.

I don't consider myself to be a particularily beautiful person - but I also know that I'm no ugmo. I think people see me as more beautiful than I am becuase I have lots of long blonde hair and big boobs (which I hate! I want to dye it all brown, and strap them down ) I don't agree with it - I think it's stupid - but sadly it seems to make people think of me differently.

Other girls at work have a hard time understanding why I don't feel comfortable around guys, and seem to not be able to talk to them. They think that just because I'm blonde, have big boobs, and big lips that I should be able to converse, and flirt, and date, and all that.

But that's all bullshit! :evil:

It doesn't do anything but make me more uncomfortable!

And when I get hit on by guys at the bar and I don't respond well, they go "Dumb blonde! sheesh..."

Girls can sometimes be catty with me like I'm some kind of threat (but trust me, I'm no threat!) They interpret my disatnce and shyness as me thinking I'm better than them, and (I hope this doesn't sound awful... its really not meant to, but I can see how it might) I think that if I looked differently that maybe they might be less rude, and catty towards me.

I'm not sure if that relates to your situation as a guy - I think experiences probably differ a bit between sexes on this one - but from my female experience, my looks make me more uncomfortable than not.

mmmmm boobies.....

 

[Higolo]

I was getting tons of looks and nice smiles from woman

How do you know when a female fancies you? I wanna know how to differentiate between like/unlike looks :lol: