going out by yourself on weekends

[alex29]

do you ever go out for a few hours by yourself on weekends?

i dont want the people i live with thinking im a total loser so i lie about where im going and i dont tell them im going alone. most of hte time i just drive around or go shopping. or i'll go to a coffee shop all the way on the other side of town to waste the time away

tonight i went to the book store and spent a good hour looking around. i said i was going for "coffee" with some friends but that isnt true at all. a coupleweeks ago i went to walmart and just walked around looking at things

it gets me out of the house so i dont go crazy but makes me feel like a huge loner

 

[slimjim119]

I will drive around with no destination in mind to waste time. And I get too comfortable and won't want to get out of the car, so I don't have to deal with people. I really feel like a loner even though I try not to be.

 

[Blackmagic479]

I goto the bookstore and hang out, maybe buy a book once in a while. Sometimes I'll goto Wal-Mart and buy some snacks. Other times I'll goto the mall and buy video games. It is really lonely sometimes but then other times I like the peace and quiet I get from being alone. I usually make chat with maybe one person during the night which is ok with me.

 

[Caseums21]

I used to drive around all the time but gas is so expensive anymore. But sometimes I'll go to the grocery store late at night and buy a movie or something.

 

[PhantomPod]

I usually just stay in on the weekends. My roommates aren't usually around much anyway. But when I do go out I do the same things as most everyone here seems to do. I will just drive around and stop at random stores and have a look around. And yeah, the bookstore is one of my favorite places to go.

 

[livingnsilence]

I do this sometimes and I normally just go to walmart when I do, but luckly my roomates go home pretty much every weekend so they don't know I'm not going out anywhere, and during the week I usually have school and need to actually go run errands or have manditory events to go to.

 

[Carstuar]

I don't pretend to go out, and I try not to lie to anyone about anything.
I've accepted that I'm a "loser" at the moment, but I intend to get out of it someday.

I wish there was a good book store/library nearby. I imagine it's a great place to meet other shy people.

 

[4seasons]

I don't know how you can do that...I just wouldn't enjoy myself.

 

[Richey]

I go out alone all the time mainly because although i have friends they rarely want to do alot except maybe go to a pub ...and i'd rather see a movie or go to a concert, i go to the shops alone ...its fine, because at least your living a life and being active ...

eventually if your out there enough youll bump into someone and make friends if thats what your aiming for, people will come to you if your out there enough ,,

Since when does going out alone define a person as a loser? most people really dont care if your alone, when you go out with family or a group of people do you even think about the people that are wonderring around alone? no you dont ..

so its no big deal ...

 

[shynobody]

oh man oh man perfect timing on this thread. i want to go soooo badly to this thing next weekend called pet-a-palooza where you can bring your dog (pet) and there will be concerts - kate voegele (of myspace and one tree hill fame) and i used to talk to her on aim like 3 yrs ago. it was soo kewl! and now she will be in town 8O. i think she might be approachable since she's not that big of a celeb and probably will be roaming around afterward with no body guards. so i wanna try (repeat try lol) to talk to her and get her autograph. but most likely i will be alone so she would know i'm a loser lol. i have only one person that remotely resembles a friend that i could maybe ask but i know i would be too chicken to ask. i almost always go to concerts alone...i'm such a loser! ive gone to like 10 concerts my whole life and only 3 of them ive went with a friend. . but i really really wanna go! anyone coming to vegas next weekend? lol.

 

[SilentStranger]

I go out on weekends mainly to do shopping.

I have never lived with house mates (or worse room mates), so I never had to keep to keep pretending by going out etc. Its one of the reasons I had to find cheap accommodation, so I can afford it without sharing.

In the past however I acted like I do go out, but in the end most people realise that I am a loser and just assume I don't do anything. So now I don't even pretend to the people that I do things during the weekend. They know I don't know anyone outside work (atleast in this town) .

I want to go out, mainly because I don't want to be stuck in the house all weekends, so once in a while I do go for a walk or for a drive. I wish I knew more local people who are going through SP, so I can hang out or do things without pretending.

-SS

 

[JamesMorgan]

This pretending to others/lying about what you 'don't' get up to is FEEDING YOUR SOCIAL ANXIETY because it works within a cycle of:

I care so much about what other people think of me
I must appear to be sociable
If i don't appear sociable everyone will know that i'm really a blank, a loser
I must conceal/lie about what i get up to because......

And it goes on (well something to that effect) and just makes you unhappy

Stop and realise that feeding this cycle is like feeding the dinosaur that eventually devours you, like in Jurassic Park!

Positive affirmation

" i do not need other peoples thoughts to make me feel good about myself, i will choose to be sociable when i feel like it, i have interests and there are things about me that are interesting "

This is far more empowering.

James

 

[gobbledegook]

I think like this too, therefore when somebody asks me..."what have you been doing?" I answer them with "nothing" I really don't care if they think I'm strange hehe :roll:

 

[alex29]

This pretending to others/lying about what you 'don't' get up to is FEEDING YOUR SOCIAL ANXIETY because it works within a cycle of:

I care so much about what other people think of me
I must appear to be sociable
If i don't appear sociable everyone will know that i'm really a blank, a loser
I must conceal/lie about what i get up to because......

And it goes on (well something to that effect) and just makes you unhappy

Stop and realise that feeding this cycle is like feeding the dinosaur that eventually devours you, like in Jurassic Park!

Positive affirmation

" i do not need other peoples thoughts to make me feel good about myself, i will choose to be sociable when i feel like it, i have interests and there are things about me that are interesting "

This is far more empowering.

James

you are absolutely right.

i need help, but i dont have the confidence in myself to ask for it. by the time i do, i probably wont need it anymore lol

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

going out alone on weekends

I spend more time out with myself than anyone else. I'd prefer to go to B&N to read and drink coffee on my on rather than go to a party and watch my friends drink and smoke (I quit all of that stuff).

I don't consider myself a loser for being alone. I feel that I need to be able to enjoy the company of myself to be able to enjoy the company of anyone else. I don't really consider myself to have any friends. I have many, many acquaintances, but I never call anyone or recieve calls from anyone too often. Oh well. It depends on how you look at it.

 

[Edith]

I used to lie about going out with other people or being busy on the weekends. Sometimes when I was eating alone or going to a museum or movie or something I would look at my watch a lot like I was waiting for a friend so that people would think that I wasn't alone on purpose. But now I say fuck it.

If I want to do something and nobody else will do it with me then I'll just do it alone. If I waited for someone else all the time I wouldn't get much done in life. One weekend last month I decided to go to the beach, and on Friday when my co-workers asked the dreaded, "So what are you doing this weekend?" I said, "Going for a day trip to the beach!" and they all said, "Oh nice! Are you going with a few friends?" and I say, "No just me," and then they either say, "Mmmm, that sounds really relaxing," or "Really? I've been wanting to go to the beach ever since the weather got nice... Saturday eh...?" and then I said, "Yeah, come with if you want," and a few of them called me on Saturday when I was at the beach and we met up and had drinks and relaxed in the sun. This wouldn't have happened if I did things my old way... it's like being what I was afraid to be actually gave me what I kind of wanted in the first place.

Lots of people do things alone. The idea that people always have to go places and do things with other people is silly really... next time you're out alone look around and you'll notice lots of other people are alone too.

And I don't think you should feel like you have to DO something every weekend... chilling out all by yourself is a treasure sometimes, everybody should enjoy that and not have to feel ashamed of it. Like a previous post said, you should be able to chosse when you want to be social.

 

[sketchy24]

I really hate it when people ask me that at work >.< I had my vacation come and go. Well everyone does something for their week(s) of vacation. I get back from doing no much of anything and of course, everyone asks, what did I do for my vacation? x_x And this one guy is particularly annoying. Hes always askin if I talk to girls or what I do on my days off. When I say something like see a movie or something hes all "by yourself"? And I just start making things up after that just so I don't feel like a complete loner.

 

[ld323]

Having a job working on weekends helps!! This dramatically decreases any loneliness from not going out.

Working ALOT in general really helps to curb feelings of isolation from not having friends or a girlfriend. And if you don't need the money or can't find a job, volunteer. Volunteer jobs are almost always open somewhere..

By the way, here is a link I thought might be useful to some of us:
http://shyness.meetup.com/ (hang out with other people that have social anxiety!)

 

[darksoul]

I'd love to have mates of my own to call and go to gigs, pubs and clubs with - for years I've been hanging around with my sister and her mates, so as you can imagine, I often feel unwanted, like I don't fit in or that I'm a burden to her. It makes me feel like such a loner and a loser.

 

[blonderedhead]

I once went to a film by myself when I was about 12 and I swear finding a seat in the dark crowded theatre was like walking death row. And once I sat down I cried the entire time. It was horrible and terrifying! So I never really go out alone. I wish I wasn't so insecure and sensitive because I think I would really love to do things on my own.