Giving Up

[dannyboy65]

I'm starting to give up again. Last time this happened I got into drugs and ****ed my life right up. I knoticed recently the voices in my head were getting more and more angry at me and putting me down. I tell friends my problems none of them care anymore their either to busy ****ing there new bf or gf, or just became scared of me. Yet when something happens to them I'm trying to help them the best I can. Now when they tell me I just don't care anymore I don't care about anything nothing bothers me anymore, something bad happens its there problem now I'm done for being there. Suicide even started to come back in my head. I'm planning on getting back into drugs, I don't care anymore what happens to me because who else does. I have been ignored, abused, and hated for far to long. Rumors go around about me, people threaten me, no one wants to talk to me get to know me. I lost interest in things I love, I don't play guitar or bass anymore cause I find no point in it, I don't draw anymore people will just tell me they suck. I read a lot of comic books and wish why can't I be like that a hero, sometimes even a villain because I just want to watch people suffer sometimes. I tried quitting smoking I went 4 days today I just gave up and smoked again. Why can't I find any help I'm crying for help its all I want. I cry all the time cause no one cares anymore about me. I'm nothing important to anybody, I want everything to stop for me just so I don't have to deal with all this stuff anymore. I can't take my anti depressants or anxiety pills or the voices get even worse then they are now. If I take them I can talk a little more but hear voices non stop and I hate them. If I don't the voices aren't that bad I still hear them not a lot though but I won't talk to people and get really depressed. How am I supposed to live, I feel like everyday I go through hell I go to school and I'm picked on by nearly everyone. I'm there ****ing target and I'm sick of it.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Danny, I hear you.

I am listening. I care.

I have to be blunt, Danny. Those voices, please, please seek help. My brother hears them. Just by speaking to his doctor, not a shrink, psychologist, psychiatrist, his doctor was able to help.

Medications, yes, you will need. I think you are on the wrong ones.

I focus on the voices because I know how they are. Not personally, but through close family. Those voices you need to focus on. You know they are not right. They tell you things. They tell you why am I important, why shouldn't I do this....? Focus on what you know. The voices are you and you can change them.

You are important, Danny. No matter what anyone tells you, you are important. If anyone ****s with who you are, they're not worth your time, they're not you.

Like you I delve into superstitious heros and villains. I love the villains mostly. What freedom! To revenge. To cause turmoil to those who caused so much grief to me! Ah, it is intoxicating to imagine.

If you give up now then they have won. Do you want them to win? No you don't! You're better than that. You're going to get back up and show them how great you are.

 

[gummybear22]

have you told your doc about the voices thing? sounds like some form of schizophrenia. and that with all the other stuff, maybe he can prescribe you somethin that goes for all.

how does your family treat you?

 

[dannyboy65]

There trying to help me but they just don't know how to I have alot of things wrong I was also diagnosed with high functioning autism so they try to deal with that too