Girlfriend moved away :(

[Burntfaceman]

Ok so i live in christchurch my girlfriend who i love so so much now lives in auckland coz of the quakes :/ she came down in the school holidays for 5 days. now she is gone again. i really dont know how to live anymore. im not happy. i started smoking and cutting im so damm upset its unbelievable. I might be able to move up next year but im doing my year 12 right now and dont have a job.

Can anyone help me PLEASE something that might keep my mind offa her or some advice or something?

 

[A friend]

I can't promise you that this will work (please don't get mad after you read this), but I think you should think about it this way:

Although she might have been a kind girl, you are probably going to find somebody who is even better, or...

Maybe there's something greater in life than love, and it's waiting for you closely nearby.

And there is another solution, although it is highly inappropriate for most websites, and I don't think I should post it here.

I've never been in a situation like this, but I believe that you're not going to be depressed forever.



After all, not all of us were put on this planet to have a love life.

I can't guarantee that this helps, but I hope it does in some way.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I think you should work on being happy for you. Find your own happiness alone. If things work out with this girl, then great... but if they don't you need to be prepared for it. It will suck, but the pain will pass, but it's harder to see that if you invested every single part of you into that person. You need to bring a little bit more of yourself back into the equation.

Find hobbies, read books, take walks, find any kind of distraction you can to get your mind off things and how she is gone. It's not good to rely on her to make you happy, it puts too much pressure on the both of you.

 

[dean01]

im sorry to here about your situation, i have been in a simular place myself.
i might be wrong as to how your feeling as we all feel things differently but i found that my thoughts were constantly haunting me as much as i tried to distract myself everything i did i lost interest in.
i know its something nobody likes to hear but time will make the thoughts more bearable, confide in someone or see a therapist as talking about things can sometimes take the edge off.
smoking will only make things worse as you will do the oppersit to what you want to achieve, instead of the thoughts leaving you alone so you can move on with your life, you'll begin to dwell on them more and more. cutting is not the way either, i think we all know in the back of our mind that cutting is bad and although it can distract you from your thoughts it doesnt solve the problem, long term.
my advice is to talk about how you feel with a therapist friend or realative, never bottle things up and be open about your feelings and in time you will move on. goodluck

 

[deleted user 1]

I can't promise you that this will work (please don't get mad after you read this), but I think you should think about it this way:

Although she might have been a kind girl, you are probably going to find somebody who is even better, or...

Maybe there's something greater in life than love, and it's waiting for you closely nearby.

And there is another solution, although it is highly inappropriate for most websites, and I don't think I should post it here.

I've never been in a situation like this, but I believe that you're not going to be depressed forever.



After all, not all of us were put on this planet to have a love life.

I can't guarantee that this helps, but I hope it does in some way.

You are very much correct here. If something leads you to cutting yourself, that is far too much negative power over you. Being sad is one thing, but going into a meltdown is not good. The only logical solution to this is to deal with everything that is presented to you and see where it leads. Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain as they require equal effort in maintaining a common bond. This is precluded by an age where many changes will occur.

In conclusion, my best advice is to maintain communicative links, without becoming a pest. See each other as often as possible, and discuss future plans. But I would strongly dissuade you from putting all your eggs in one basket! Making another person the core of your plans and life is always a reckless act, irrespective of how well meaning or heartfelt it may be. This post is not going to be what you want to hear, but I will never resort to leading one to a false comfort for the sake of it. I'm being honest, particularly because of my past experiences where I have, at a point, been in this position.

I sincerely hope you will cease your self-destructive behavior and learn the value of your own individuality. If you cannot respect yourself, why should anyone else? Being this volatile will do yourself no good, and is more often than not seen by others as a red flag!

Best of luck and best wishes
Marcus

 

[Burntfaceman]

Heya all thank you so much for your advice. For me giving up and moving on is not an option for me but thank you for helping with suggestions. I am now having 1 hour counselling sessions evry fortnight this helps considerably. Although its hard im going to try.

 

[dean01]

Heya all thank you so much for your advice. For me giving up and moving on is not an option for me but thank you for helping with suggestions. I am now having 1 hour counselling sessions evry fortnight this helps considerably. Although its hard im going to try.

hey thats great news, im so glad your talking to someone goodluck.

 

[oomindioo]

New to the site..saw your post and hope you're doing well. I've been in a long distance relationship before and they're tough. Luckily, there are things to make it easier like Skype. You can even do a "date night" on pogo.com with scrabble or something. I know it sounds corny but it really does help.