Girl problem/rant

[chocchipz]

Just need to vent. I've currently been seeing a girl the past 3 weeks, I know she really likes me (apparently) and i really like her, but, last night I met her out at a club to see a band play, and she was acting all weird and a little awkward so i asked her what was wrong and she then said to me that I confuse her because of my "shyness" and inability to show emotion properly and she's been screwed over by guys numerous times blah blah, she then told me she had to leave because a guy that she used to see was also there and he wanted to hook up with her.
After we'd been talking about this for like 10 mins, the dude comes up to her and hugs her hello and all of a sudden she's all happy and chatty, meanwhile im just standing there awkwardly. Just makes me feel like absolute crap, i've avoided the whole "relationship" thing for so long because of this stuff, now im just full of that all too familiar feeling of rejection, even though i may still have a chance.
I'm bailing on a day out with mates to go to hers and watch movies, i just dont know what to think anymore ::

 

[largeaquaticmammal]

I wish I could offer some condolences, but I've never been in a relationship before, ever. I'm turning 16 next month but I don't know what that has to do with confidence. Whenever I have a crush on a guy, I do everything I can to avoid them because I'm so scared of making myself look stupid. I'd rather just admire from afar than to be the laughing stock of the entire school.

I've had a crush on the same guy since the beginning ofr freshman year last year. When he broke up with his girlfriend, I was happy and sad at the same time because he was so much happier when they were together. I could have taken this opportunity to get to know him, but I let my social phobia hold me back. I wasn't even brave enough to say hello, even though he was obviously flirting.

Eventually he gave up (can't blame him) and he has a new girlfriend. I've never cried over a guy before, but I was bawling. I tried to be happy because he was happy, but I just couldn't do it. I felt too sad even though we never even had a real conversation. It's too late now since he's a senior and graduating in a few months, and I'm, well... not a senior. He and his girlfriend will move on and share college experiences together and I'll be stuck with the "should have, could have, would have's".

Don't make the same mistake as me. Don't give up just yet.

 

[Oblomov]

After we'd been talking about this for like 10 mins, the dude comes up to her and hugs her hello and all of a sudden she's all happy and chatty, meanwhile im just standing there awkwardly. Just makes me feel like absolute crap

I bet that's why she did it. Doesn't sound like a girl you need in your life bro.

 

[drganon]

If I were you I'd just cut my loses now and not get involved with her. It will only end badly for you.

 

[SM1010]

There's not nearly enough information here to understand the entire situation.

What do you mean by "seeing" her? Have you just been hanging out with her but nothing physical? Have you made any moves at all like kissing or anything further?

IF you've been hanging out with her for 3 weeks and still have yet to make any moves on her she's probably really frustrated. Turned off by your passiveness and inability to make a move on her (it's certainly happened to me). That would explain why she's seeing her ex again, because he's probably not afraid to show that he's still attracted to her.

But again this is all a guess because I don't have enough info.

 

[megalon]

IF you've been hanging out with her for 3 weeks and still have yet to make any moves on her she's probably really frustrated. Turned off by your passiveness and inability to make a move on her (it's certainly happened to me). That would explain why she's seeing her ex again, because he's probably not afraid to show that he's still attracted to her.

I would guess this is the case. Maybe you didn't make any advances to show her you were attracted to her in that way, so as a result, you were friend-zoned.

 

[chocchipz]

What do you mean by "seeing" her? Have you just been hanging out with her but nothing physical? Have you made any moves at all like kissing or anything further?

It's been physical, we just haven't had sex yet, but there's plenty of kissing and all that stuff.

I called her last night as I'm getting sick of not knowing what the hell's going on, she said to me that "she doesn't know what she wants".... She said she's been screwed over by all these a-hole guys so she's just used to things not working for her, so as soon as she realised that I "liked" her back she kind of panicked and decided to bail.

She told me she's happy to continue seeing me, but doesn't want anything serious, so i asked her whether I should just not bother or continue trying because the situation's driving me crazy and she said that she doesn't know, she doesn't know what she wants at the moment, but she doesn't want to stop seeing me in case she develops stronger feelings later on, which doesn't answer my question at all

She then told me that she's used to the guys she's with being confident and loud and that my "shyness" is the biggest put off for her, which is shattering for me as it's something I cant escape and I know will continue holding me back or screwing my chances with girls/everything for the rest of my life.

Blows because I rarely get involved with girls and every time I do the results are the same.

Thanks for replying guys.

 

[Kinetik]

The problem isn't you, it's her. She shouldn't be giving you reasons as to why you turn her off. Your shyness isn't an issue, it's her being flaky and making excuses for her own inability to commit. If she truly liked you, she would accept you for who you are. She sounds like a bit of a walking stereotype to me, not to mention bad news all round.

But anyway, the important thing to ask yourself is, are you enjoying the ride and can you live with any possible outcome regarding her? From where I'm sitting, it looks like you want to be exclusive with her and are emotionally attached, and that being the case, I would not pursue this any further. If you can distance yourself emotionally without caring which way the cookie crumbles, then it might be worth riding it out. So in my view, it really comes down to your own mindset and whether you can turn the situation into a more fun one. If you can't, and you still feel like you're going crazy, I think it is indeed best to cut your losses.

 

[SM1010]

Unfortunately she's labeled you as the "shy nice guy". Just like she told you, she's attracted to confidence, and for whatever reason you don't give her the confident vibe.

I know it's extremely difficult but you need find some way to stop caring. Date other women if possible. You've told her you're crazy about her and now she thinks she can do whatever she wants with you. Like call you up whenever she wants and you'll stop whatever you're doing to see her.

Don't be that guy. Don't let her toy with you. Make yourself scarce and date other women.

 

[drganon]

You really should just save yourself the trouble and just walk away from her and the whole situation. She isn't worth the trouble, no girl is.

 

[chocchipz]

Thanks for replying everyone, you were all right
I went to her house one last time a few days ago and she just didn't seem as friendly or as happy to see me as she usually would. But when we went to watch a movie in her everything went back to normal, she was all nice and cuddly and stuff and then in the morning she went back to being kind of distant weird and it just got kind of awkward and I think we both felt it. So I messaged her during the day and she never replied, I messaged her again yesterday (like 5 days later) just saying "hey, what's up? how was your weekend?", in the hopes of at least salvaging a friendship or something and she just isn't replying.

It just really sucks going from seeing someone all the time and being happy to just not talking at all. What makes it harder is she's friends with a few of my friends and I'll be seeing her in a few days at one of their birthdays in a week and she goes to all the same clubs and stuff as me, so I'll still have to deal with seeing her all the time.

 

[da_illest101]

man that really suck, give it time you'll feel better

 

[OceanMist]

That sucks. The same thing just happened to me. Woman just quit replying.

You go to the same clubs and she still doesn't reply? I hope she realizes she'll have to confront you eventually. I just don't get why some people do that, just shut off communication. Not only is it treating someone like they don't exist which is really bad, but also, if they ever see you again they made it more awkward than it would have been if they just discussed why they ended the relationship.

I hate it because now all you can do is guess? What did I do? I hate that feeling man. I at least want closure. It's painful but at least I know where the gal stands, you know. Don't worry about it though, there's nothing you can do or should do if she won't even respond. That just shows that she is so mean that she's not even worth your time. Even as a friend, her ignoring you is so messed up.

If I had to guess why she left it was probably because she wanted some super socially confident alpha male. Unfortunately many women are like that. It's human nature for women to be attracted to that, something with the way they are programmed. Thank god not all women are like that, though. I hope you find a woman that likes who you are. If you can get with one girl like you did, you can get with another. Keep on trucking.

 

[chocchipz]

Yep, it's ridiculous.
She replied to me today, two days later.. she replied to two more texts then stopped.
I then get home and see a status from her saying, "got food and movies, now all I need is a cute boy to cuddle" like. wtf? hasn't even been a week yet! brutal.

And the whole closure thing, she never told me she wanted me to stop seeing her, hasn't said anything. I honestly don't understand that, I have social anxiety and I'd still have the decency to force myself into confronting the person to tell them how it is. just ugh.

Not gonna bother with her, don't need people like that in my life. Good luck to her and the next dude that screws her over.

Thank god not all women are like that, though. I hope you find a woman that likes who you are. If you can get with one girl like you did, you can get with another. Keep on trucking.

That made me feel a heap better about the whole situation/myself.
Thanks dude.

 

[Cyanide2601]

I then get home and see a status from her saying, "got food and movies, now all I need is a cute boy to cuddle" like. wtf? hasn't even been a week yet! brutal.

That is seriously harsh. Forget about her seriously. She sounds like someone who just doesnt care about others.
Were you friends with her before you started seeing each other? It sounds like she liked the idea of you, but didnt like the reality, so threw you away. No consideration. You dont need someone like her.

 

[chocchipz]

That is seriously harsh. Forget about her seriously. She sounds like someone who just doesnt care about others.
Were you friends with her before you started seeing each other? It sounds like she liked the idea of you, but didnt like the reality, so threw you away. No consideration. You dont need someone like her.

Yep, just going to forget her. We weren't really friends before we started seeing each other, just acquaintances, but we got along really well and had a fair bit in common. But yeah, she's been pretty ruthless with her exit plan.

She's one of those girls that's always complaining about how every dude she's been with has treated her like crap and screwed her over, which baffles me because a part of her "excuse" was she was only used to being with these kinds of dudes so she panicked when a nice dude actually liked her back..

Beyond me.

I agree though, don't need people like that in my life. Her being so harsh with it is actually accelerating the rate I get over her.

 

[Cyanide2601]

Im glad to hear that you wont be wasting your time on such a silly girl anymore! Although i am sorry you had to deal with that. But its an experience that may serve you well in the future. Good luck

 

[OceanMist]

Women like the girl the OP speaks of are hypocrites. Tino is right.

If the OP was doing what the girl did to the OP, she'd be furious and would label the OP a jerk. It's people like that girl that I wish they have something like this happen to them so they know what it feels like.

 

[Sartana]

It's not really a female specific thing though... jus' sayin'. People like that are definitely a huge waste of anyone's time though, regardless of gender.

 

[chocchipz]

Agh. Went to a friends birthday last night and she was there. Didn't really talk until the end of the night.. hooked up, shared the blankets and stuff I brought with me.. etc. GAH.
Stupidest decision of my life.
Hung up againnnn FUUUUUU.

/rant.