Freaking out here (warning: gigantic rant ahead)

[TheNewZero]

I was really excited about going to London this summer. I'm pagan and was going to go celebrate the Summer Solstice at Stonehenge, and stay in the London area for about a week in a youth hostel. I thought my parents would be really supportive of me going. I was really proud of myself for being so brave to go to England alone. I talked to my parents about it tonight and they told me...I couldn't go. Unless I went with friends. I was so angry I almost screamed at them. I mean, what do I say? They know very well that I don't have any friends. I told them that I wanted to go alone and just explore. The best part is my mom's letting my sixteen year old sister go down to Florida for Spring Break alone with her and some guy friends. But London's not safe for a twenty year old. I kept pressing her about this and she finally said that she wanted me to be normal. It's like she thinks I want to be this way, like I enjoy not having any social life. As if the constant nagging about living at home isn't enough, now she tells me that I can't have an enjoyable life without being 'normal'. And this whole business is making me feel like a little kid. I wish I could move out but I can't afford it. I thought I would just wait it out two years until I graduate from college, and really that's the only thing I can do unless I want to live in the dorms. They're just driving me crazy. I don't think I can stand it anymore.

 

[nephatitus]

patience is a virtue

you will be free from your parents one day but like everything, it does take time and some planning

"now she tells me that I can't have an enjoyable life without being 'normal'"

wo thats totally false

 

[worrywort]

that's a tricky one. I went to belfast for a weekend trip on my own when I was about 20, and it ended in total disaster....the youth hostel had lost my booking and didn't know my name so I was homeless, and I started freaking out and feeling overwhelemed and ended up getting the next flight out of there!......although, looking back, I'm still glad I went, just for the experience and the life lessons I learnt.

but I don't mean to hint that your trip will be anything near as bad as that....but I expect your parents are just worried about you. What might help would be if you could prove it to them, that you'll be ok....is there anyway you could take a shorter weekend trip alone to somewhere a little closer to home, just to show your parents that you can handle it?

 

[Satine]

Wow, you're a pagan? Really? I keep on meaning to research paganism to find out more about it (Satine, you wouldn't research something for any other reason would you? Durr), but what I've heard of it so far sounds fun. Deifying the female, who'd have thought of that?

Well, I'm surprised she's not keen for you to go, but at 20 I think you're old enough to be able to look after yourself. Does she actually have the legal power to stop you? I'd be surprised if she did.

Maybe it's an idea to talk to her about this, to reassure her that you'll keep yourself safe. It's always safest to be in a group, so even if you don't go with friends, is it worth getting onto a networking site of some kind and saying that you'll be going over? Is it worth booking onto a package holiday of some kind? Exodus do things like this, so that way you'd be going with a group.

I think your mum's got it backwards: in order to have friends (which she seems to equate with being normal), you need to be out there, doing stuff and building up stories to share with others. This Stone Henge trip seems like an ideal example.

What you do ultimately is up to you, but I think the best thing you can do is to make your own decision about going to Hampshire. And remember that often, it is easier to get forgiveness than permission. Decide whether to go for yourself: just because she's your mum it doesn't mean she gets everything right.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

 

[Walk]

That's sweet. I've been wanting to travel for a while. Doing it this summer though, finally.

20 isn't even that young for that kinda stuff. You live with your parents, so it's not wise to be disobeying them even though you're officially two years into adulthood. Your family probably thinks you're too vulnerable to be on your own. They know you're shy and that you're not too social. THey just want you safe. But hey, you can always keep on trying. See if you can convince them by telling them exactly where you're staying, what types of people you'd be around, and most importantly, that you have the money needed... and that you'd keep in daily contact with them. Maybe it'll make them feel more assured about your safety.

 

[Havocan]

I think your parents are unreasonable on this one, a 20 year old could easily go to London and stay there for a week without getting into {too much} trouble. Just go anyway and set an example for the world.

 

[TheNewZero]

Thanks everyone. I've decided that I'm going to go and they're going to have to live with it. The funny thing is that I lived alone in Philly a few years ago. But God forbid I take a vacation alone.

 

[TheNewZero]

Wow, you're a pagan? Really? I keep on meaning to research paganism to find out more about it (Satine, you wouldn't research something for any other reason would you? Durr), but what I've heard of it so far sounds fun. Deifying the female, who'd have thought of that?

Yep I'm pagan. It's a very personal religion, very different from going to a congregation once a week and saying prayers. Most pagans, unless you're lucky enough to have a coven, operate alone so it's very dependent on the individual to sort of create what they think is important to their spirituality. And, obviously females are far more sacred than men

 

[Lea]

This sucks New Zero. I had something similar when I was 18, I wanted to go with my cousins to Italy, but my mother has hidden the passport. I was desperate, I even went to the police . But they said they couldn´t do anything with it, that we have to solve this problem in the family. I thought why, I am full age now and passport is my legal document, noone has the right to take it away from me, not even my mum. So finally I had to stay at home, while my cousins travelled ::.

 

[thor01]

I like elements of paganism. And your'e making the right decision to go if thats what you want to do as you are an individual. What right do family have to stop you doing something you want just because they're related to you.

 

[TheNewZero]

This sucks New Zero. I had something similar when I was 18, I wanted to go with my cousins to Italy, but my mother has hidden the passport. I was desperate, I even went to the police . But they said they couldn´t do anything with it, that we have to solve this problem in the family. I thought why, I am full age now and passport is my legal document, noone has the right to take it away from me, not even my mum. So finally I had to stay at home, while my cousins travelled ::.

Wow Lea that sounds awful. I can't believe the police couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it. Parents can be so rotten sometimes....

 

[Walk]

Thanks everyone. I've decided that I'm going to go and they're going to have to live with it. The funny thing is that I lived alone in Philly a few years ago. But God forbid I take a vacation alone.

Huh? Well then that's odd. No idea why they'd care so much.

Given this fact, i say to finish your education (or find a good way to make a good,decent living in any other way that you like) and move OUT.