Former People Pleaser

[Quieter]

a couple of years ago, i realized i was a people pleaser. i'm 38 now, so I have been a people pleaser for most of my life. i knew people would take advantage of me whenever they could, but didn't care as long they liked me. now i don't care if they like me, cuz i'm so sick of being a door mat. needless to say, what few friends I had are gone. i'm ok with that cuz they were never really my friends and i'm used to being alone now.

problem is my family now. they aren't going away, nor do i want them to, but i realize now they too have been taking advantage of me. my father, mother, and older sister have been using me for money for years. i still love them and forgive them, but i feel i cannot trust them ever again. they still try to guilt me into giving them money, but i'm done with that. now i feel like they don't want me around. they never talk to me about happiness, relationships, continuing education anymore. it's all about them. i know they think i'm isolating myself, yet they never reach out. i moved out from my mom's place 7 months ago and not once has any family member come to visit even tho i tell them to every time i see them. i visit them once or twice a week, but somehow they are always too busy to come over. i feel like my family is treating me like my old so-called friends. they don't want anything to do with me if they can't manipulate me.

i do feel betrayed, and i have some resentment. how do i get rid of these feelings?

 

[The Observer]

Well good for you. You've not forgiven them if you still harbor those feelings towards them. Really forgive them and the feelings will go away.

 

[Diend]

I think it's normal to feel betrayed by your family considering the lack of emotional support they are providing. In terms of getting rid of the feelings, you can find people who care about you.

 

[Quieter]

You're right, observer. I guess I really haven't forgiven them. I think I forgave them for manipulating me, but maybe not because I'm always second guessing their intentions. What I need to forgive them for, but can't yet, is how they are treating me like I don't exist anymore.

Also, thx Diend. Maybe I can find ppl that care about me. I just think that will be very difficult.

 

[Worthless1]

I can definitely sympathize with you. All my life I've been a "people pleaser", too. Always the one to make compromises, bending over backwards to make others happy, always keeping silent about the mistreatment I have received at the hands of these people. Always the only one attempting to stay in touch.

Recently I decided I've had enough of the bullshit, had enough of being the doormat, the toilet paper on which other people wipe their asses, and stopped making the effort. And lo and behold, nobody even noticed. Except for my boyfriend, I have nobody in this world who even knows that I'm alive. It's a lonely feeling, but it feels better than knowing that I'm being disrespected and taken advantage of.

Finding other people who care about you is difficult when you have a disorder like social phobia. I don't have much hope for myself in that regard, but I wish you, OP, all the best.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

I think that others would consider me a people pleaser because of the fact I keep trying to do my best to being polite to others and giving them what they want. There are times when I do feel that I want to actually be courteous and have nice gestures towards others, but there are some people out there that purposely try to make me do what I want under unfair circumstances. If I was being nice giving someone a drink like an Iced Tea from a fridge because they said they wanted one, and then that person changes their mind and goes, "Oops sorry I wanted the Coke" with a smile I feel like that's pushing it a little. I love to help people as much as I can, but I'm not there to constantly be bossed around like a servant. I feel that people who know me so well and my personality think they can say or take advantage of me every chance they get. Of course I'd never say anything back, guess that's well mannered I am...

 

[Jessquietgirl]

I think that others would consider me a people pleaser because of the fact I keep trying to do my best to being polite to others and giving them what they want. There are times when I do feel that I want to actually be courteous and have nice gestures towards others, but there are some people out there that purposely try to make me do what I want under unfair circumstances. If I was being nice giving someone a drink like an Iced Tea from a fridge because they said they wanted one, and then that person changes their mind and goes, "Oops sorry I wanted the Coke" with a smile I feel like that's pushing it a little. I love to help people as much as I can, but I'm not there to constantly be bossed around like a servant. I feel that people who know me so well and my personality think they can say or take advantage of me every chance they get. Of course I'd never say anything back, guess that's well mannered I am...

Former people pleaser here! I love my boundaries now!

 

[Hoppy]

Mark Manson.

Warning language

 

[Kiwong]

In person I am a people pisseroffer. I have a great personality for radio.