Forever alone

[Margot]

I never had a friend, like never ever.
The only time I had friends was before I was 12, I used to play soccer with my brothers friends. Those friendships were only about sports, and games.
And one day my mother and brother said that I should stop playing soccer with boys, because it's ''weird'' for my brother.

I started crying, and was a completely and utterly heartbroken, but they didn't care. They tried to make me socialize with girls, but it didn't work.
Girls were just to cunning, and two faced for my taste. I didn't care about their talks about barbies and boys. I knew very early on that I was a lesbian, I had my first crush on a girl when I was 6 years old.

I spend all the middle school and highs school not making friends.
In my fantasy life, I am sociable, respected, and have many friends. But in real life no such luck, and it's not like I would like it.
I tried making friends, only to be disappointed over and over again with people's lack of decency and loyalty.

I came out to my parents, only to be told that I'm disgusting, and can't know my sexuality because I have no social life. I'm dismissed by my own parents, and siblings as a childish and immature, telling me I'm sick and should find a man. I'm so alone and I don't know how much of this, I will be able to take.
My fantasies are the only thing that keeps me alive.

I live in the Eastern Europe, but my life is somewhere else, somewhere far away from this hell.
I will start studying and working this year, in hope that something will change.
Good God I can't believe I wrote this post. I'm so ashamed.

 

[laure15]

Wecome to the forum! Sorry you had to go through this. There are many online LGBT communities that you can join and perhaps get support from.

 

[Falkor]

Hello Margot,

Welcome here on Social Phobia World! I hope you can find support here!

Your family should accept your attraction towards women, it is totally normal to like women as a woman, and this generation it's mostly accepted in society, so why bother? And It's your happiness, they should not think about traditions, Love is important in any kind, it's what makes your heart shine, and what gender it may be, it's still love!

In your fantasy you are popular, have lots of friends, you know, there is a way to make dreams and fantasies come true, it is hard to achieve but, you can make friends online through websites and forums, maybe you can meet people here in your area, a tip is to make a topic and say '' let's meet in ....'' and maybe some other people like you with Social Anxiety would like to meet. And there are many other meeting websites and forums of course, and maybe you can join a hobby course somewhere in your country, there are plenty of ways to make friends. It's sad, there should be a website called ''I'm friendless, or Lonely and I want to make friends'' If there was a website like that, we could find many people out there.

School must have been hard for you having no friends, I mostly sat alone in the canteen so it was the same way for me, I know how that feels, I hope the next time you join a school or a job you find people to connect with.

Good luck Margot, btw are you from Holland? it is a dutch name, but maybe it is an european name in general.

Bless you

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

You have nothing to be ashamed about. Unfortunately, your family is very ignorant. I wouldn't be surprised if they're religious. If you lived in Western Europe or in the U.S, your sexuality would mostly be accepted and you could live your life as everyone else does.

Sorry you have to go through all that. Be proud of who you are! I hope you get out.

 

[blkntann]

Sorry u feel ashamed. Families are the best at not caring about the people they supposedly wanted in their lives. After all, they had sex and produced more humans.

I'm not LGBT but my family screwed up my life it seems, as well. A very nice man took a fancy to me in my youth, but they completely interfered. Well, as luck would have it, I've never had the luck to acquire another mate. Guess who I hate forever. And all you "forgiveness fans" please don't slam me. I'm not horrible, pretty balanced, but frustrated as crap that my life is in this place. I don't get what is with people that think you can just replace and collect mates like lint.

 

[Barrier]

I stopped having a fantasy life cause it made me miserable in real life. I always thought at some point I'd have a tiny bit of my fantasy life irl, but it never happened. So I left that too. Forever alone indeed, irl and in dreams. I am glad your fantasies still help you though.

Also I am sorry to hear about your family not accepting you Margot. They're wrong and you're right. You know what you feel. Keep your head up and definitely don't be ashamed about your sexuality.

 

[Makaronar]

i can relate

 

[lauraa517]

As a lesbian, my story is nearly identical to yours. Although I'm working and go to school full time, no miracles yet :/ best of luck to you