flirting......

MNM322

Well-known member
How can someone, especially with social issues, tell if someone is flirting (and interested) as opposed to just being nice/friendly? I am obviously horrible at reading people, and never had any date/relationship experience so I feel so stupid and clueless but still curious. I have two personal examples if you care to read them

Guy 1-- met him at a job a few years back, we seemed to get on well, he was 8 years younger than me, I don't go for younger guys. Anyway... he would text me all the time or call me just randomly to talk....he spent alot of time hanging out with me outside work, even with my family. One day my dog was at the ER and he called and I told him I was there, it was 11pm ish and he was like "I am on my way!!" he lived over 40 min from me. He randomly bought things for me and even for my brother. I met his family. He ASKED to come with me to do some volunteer work and he did, 3 times. I thought of him as a great friend, everyone said he was into me. I stupidly didn't see it.

So then about 3 months or so into knowing him, we talked about getting a place together and such. He seemed serious and I was happy to finally have a dog person to live with. We never got that far. Randomly less than a month later he texted me "please dont talk to me anymore" and he deleted me off FB. I never did anything that would of upset him. All I know is since then, he got his own dog and moved to his own house (co workers told me) and he up and quit the place we worked at. So... was he flirting or just being nice? I go with #2... even though everyone who knew him disagreed


Guy #2 -- the "neighbor" in my infamous thread, LOL. now normally i am not the kind to get chummy with neighbors, but he had his hand over the fence one day to pet a dog and he started talking, so I was talking back. he got very friendly/personal almost instantly. telling me things about where he was born, where he worked, his family, his birthday, issues he was having with his mom etc.. within the first 2 chats we had. the second time we ever talked was an hour long chat. no neighbor, ever, had talked to me that long.
he always did the eye contact thing, the "Remembering" thing where he would say something months or weeks later in regards to something i told him before, teased me alot... especially about my fear of flying, was so good with my dogs and knew that it was my heart and soul, was so helpful about wanting to get them into places they could visit, told me to "Come by anytime", introduced me to his mom who apparently doesnt like strangers, invited me to come to his birthday, was so happy to show me his new shirt he got, because i said something like "you dress young"-- he showed me his car and helped me choose a dog friendly car, would tell me about things that made him cry, seemed to share my "passions" such as a love for animals and such and always had topics to bring up

Yet... he was supposedly "just being neighborly" and I was not even supposed to pick friendship out of that?? at times i felt like he was fliritng with me, the way he would look at me or say something, he even let me touch his hand after his first surgery so i could get a good look at the scars. from body language i seemed to at times, pick up on "interest" but then i did nothing about it out of fear and likely that i felt i was wrong... but thought for sure we were becoming friends... yet he didnt see it that way, supposedly

So... how can I avoid this crap in the future? how do I know for sure if someone is interested or just being friendly etc.... i am seriously horrible at reading people and its the biggest issue, because i lose friends and such all the time
 

surewhynot

Well-known member
People aren't books, you can't expect to ever truely understand them. Just like most people probably don't understand you at all. Things aren't usually black or white, there's nothing more complex than people.

For one thing, often people don't really know what they want. I've seen it happen so many times. Someone will be attracted towards another person, show great interest, until one day he or she realizes that this other individual isn't exactly what he was looking for. This can seem cruel, to lead people on and just end it so abruptely in the end, but it is the sad truth.

From experience, trying to figure out people is a great way to mess things up. You shouldn't rely on your own interpretations alone. In the end, if you don't fully understand the perspective of someone else, the ONLY solution is asking him. This person and this person alone knows how he/she feels, guessing is no more than a gamble.
 

laure15

Well-known member
You're not alone. I suck at reading body language too.

You shouldn't rely on your own interpretations alone. In the end, if you don't fully understand the perspective of someone else, the ONLY solution is asking him. This person and this person alone knows how he/she feels, guessing is no more than a gamble.

Definitely. Don't torture yourself with guesses and conjectures. The only way to know the truth is to just ask.
 

MNM322

Well-known member
So be stupid and ask 'are you flirting with me?" that doesnt make sound lame or anything....

and asking if they like you, is really risky, you could lose something awesome if they dont
 

laure15

Well-known member
So be stupid and ask 'are you flirting with me?" that doesnt make sound lame or anything....

If you don't like the direct approach, you can try to be more subtle. For example, you can ask questions like "Do you have a girl you like?", "what is your ideal woman?". Something along those lines.
 
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