"Fitting in while trying to be different"

[FriendlyShadow]

I don't know about the rest of you on here, but for years I've been wondering what this tiresome phrase "fitting in" even means anymore. It seems as though I see a lot of people who'd like to fit in with people, but yet they are also worried of not standing out from the crowd. I mean, wouldn't that imply a contradiction? I don't know why society has led people into thinking that they must go out of their ways to try and be more special than their peers. Why is standing out from the crowd is that much important if a lot of people want to fit in? You know, I'll be honest now, I used to always think that I'd never "fit in" or that nobody notices me because I don't stand out from the "crowd". What makes someone standing out from the crowd so special if this society is so concerned about everyone trying to fit in? I don't understand...

I mean, is it actually worth trying to make yourself more superior than other people? Is it worth trying to make yourself look better than others because you are jealous of them? Why has competing against one another become a thing in this world? To be honest, I'd rather not make myself seem better than anyone one I'm friends with or the people around me in general. I know this happens a lot in movies/shows, where for example, a girl is jealous of another girl (either her best friend or girl that's snobby and popular) because they have all the things she doesn't have. Money, a boyfriend, good looks, popular, outgoing, rich, etc. It's all about a competition. What's actually scary, is that in real life, a lot of people imitate those kinds of similar behavior from movies/shows. Believe me, when I was younger, I couldn't believe how naive and ignorant I used to be. I used to be so obsessed with trying to be popular, trying to stand out from the crowd, even sometimes becoming jealous of other girls who had boyfriends/good looks. But you know what, I grew out of that phase now. I've finally learned to outgrow that immaturity I once had. I now talk to everyone just like any other human being. Things like popularity or good looks haven't become an issue to me anymore. Instead of breaking away from the crowd, I'd rather join it. If people say that everyone's unique, then why should others feel as though they need to prove that in order to get noticed more than others?

 

[FriendlyShadow]

On a side note, I don't want people to notice me because I'm different than others. I don't make others feel "purposely" jealous because of doing the things that I love doing. I always do whatever makes me happy.

 

[slimjim119]

What I learned is the best thing to do is just be yourself. If people can't appreciate the person you are then forget them. Forget about putting on an act. You'll make real friends that way.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Well it's pretty simple I think, people want to fit in because they don't want to be rejected by the crowd, they want to be accepted as a part of the group, they don't want to be seen as a freak or a weirdo. Yet they want to stand out, but in a positive way, so the importance is not so much to be different but to be better in something, to be innovative, original. If you dig up a little, you could probably find some articles about all these behaviours being some sort of survival mechanism that we have in our genes and that we cannot get rid of. There was a time when being accepted in a group was important to survive, and standing out is still important for mating.

 

[grapevine]

Oooh this is such a good topic : )

On one hand, you want to be accepted and loved by others... and you can sacrifice your own authenticity to do so.
On the other hand..(and this is something that silly me, am only just starting to come to terms with) is that being your authentic self ,regardless of whether people will accept and love you or not... is what ultimately will help you be happy with yourself and those around you. Because when you accept yourself and start being vunerable and showing who you are and letting go of the concept of wanting to fit in, you end up finding your place.

You cannot make people like you, love you, want to be you etc. And I think its human nature to want to do that .. like you mentioned standing out- thats kind of following your ego talking and isn't really being authentic to yourself.. its more of giving your identity/self worth to what others will think of you and ultimately loosing yourself- letting others define you rather than letting go and defining yourself by your own values instead.

It can be so hard though to want to act or do things certain ways in order to manipulate people's affections of you. Ive been so guilty of that. But now I feel Im starting to actually wake up and realise its not worth it. And that its really something though when you are letting go of that, when your vunerably being yourself and you do get accepted. Its does good things to your self worth.

 

[RegalSin]

Well dude here is the sad reality. Your not a Jew and your not some immigrant from old country with only $300 dollars in your pockets. Your a gentile ( non-Jewish as they say ) and you have to understand in many societies they have done away with per-arranged arraigned marriage.

You need to have a job, and you need to support people within your field of studies. Because your not in a society where you have a wife and live at the work place. You want to go outside and be with people. You have to understand two things.

Beautiful people need money too. Just because they look nice and refined does not mean they come from a pleasant upbringing. I knew this girl who learned Ballerina and everything but she dances on tables for a living. She comes to me after being a model all these years and admits she have no money. In fact a real story about a run-away ( old story ) made it with a real live Bond girl, who was prostituting herself around. He paid her off in order to have some sex with her.

Reality in the end everybody needs money. After a fast paced career and no husband you realize somebody has to take the burn.

I am like you. A man who needs to fixed and rebuilt A Pinocchio man. A boy-man. Women needs money in order

 

[S_Spartan]

The fitting in thing comes from the fact that humans are a tribal animal. Being part of a tribe equals safety.
However, modern society encourages people to compete to be at the top of the tribal social order.
So you have people trying to fit in while at the same time trying to stand out from the crowd.
Being accepted by the tribe isn't good enough, they want to be worshipped by the tribe.