Finding something to do

[aj]

Hi everyone... haven't posted for a long time... I'm seeing a therapist for SA now. I only have three or four weeks left, and I am in desperate need to get out there and meet some new people, otherwise I will have blown my last lifeline. I was going to ask if anyone had any ideas of how to find something to do other than the usual stuff - meetup.com, volunteering, local noticeboards etc. - but I don't think that is the main problem. Nothing seems to interest me. Nothing grabs me and makes think, 'yes, I'd like to do that.' I'm not interested in most sports, I'm not artistic, I don't watch films, read books, I don't do anything.

Why can't I find something that I want to do? It's like I'm not even really shutting down ideas of things I'd like to do... things just don't interest me.

I wish I could just meet random people without it being too organised or planned, but where it's still half expected. Are there any ways to do that? Would there be any benefit to going to a bar? A nightclub? If I could start talking to any new people and some kind of self esteem appears maybe I will start wanting to do things?

I know I need to make a move and I have learned a lot through my therapy, but it feels like this is one vicious circle I am not able to break myself out of and it's actually making me really worried.

 

[deleted #89]

You could fill your life with activities all you want but the reality is that you will always feel that void if you don't " face" it directly. You have to sit down and pictures yourself without SA. What are you doing , who are you talking too, where do you live etc......Do things that make you uncomfortable. Its really the only way out....Im taking improv classes every week. I hate it because I feel awkward and have the feeling of being judge. The first 3-4 weeks I use cry after class and 3 months later im still there. I see the progress that I am doing even if its only a 5% increase but you know something ? What else do I have left to loose? NOTHING !

 

[Iluv]

Well I would suggest starting to make friends at your job or school and start with little steps. Maybe just get out more and start getting warmed up to socializing hopefully friends come easy after that . And maybe some options will open up for clubs. Also joining a gym might help too, good way to exercise and socialize. Bars work too, I work in one and you meet some mean people but also some nice people too.

 

[SAM2011]

These are probably stupid ideas....but what about your local library, you can sometimes meet people there.

What about visiting areas in your area.

Why not work towards doing something extreme like a Tandem Sky Dive? You might meet other people that are doing it for the first time.

If you have a niece or nephew, how about taking them out to the park or do some fun activities with them.

 

[bsammy]

AJ-so your therapist just suggested that you force yourself out and meet new people, and that your self esteem would improve from that?well in my case i can go out and meet people but thats the easy part almost.im in my mid 30s and everyone is already established with their own lives etc etc.plus, i find it almost impossible to maintain the friendships once they are started.

what really sucks is i have lost my self identity..i dont know what i want or who i really am.

 

[new account]

I don't enjoy most things either. I don't mind not enjoying most things, but every time I do something, people say "why don't you go to school for that?" For example, if I say I was using a computer, people say "why don't you go to school for computers?" Then I have to explain to them that I only use a computer to read things, I don't want to design one. If I was watching tv, someone might say "become an actor." Well I want to watch tv, not act. I'm tired of people saying that. If I was breathing, people don't say "become a lung doctor", do they?

Why would you go to a bar or something similiar? Those seems like horrible places. You enjoy dancing? Dancing seems like someone doing idiotic motions, I can't comprehend how people enjoy it. Do you even want to hear the annoying loud music in bars? I'd wish they'd shut it off.

 

[bsammy]

^^thats my problem as well, i simply dont enjoy doing most things people do..my hobbies are mostly solitary, so im at a loss to find things to do with others.many people just like to sit around and 'hang out' and i hate that..

 

[totoro]

What are your interests and hobbies aj? Or if you feel like you don't do anything then what would you do on a typical weekend? To meet people you can join a class such as a photography class or cooking class depending on your interests. That way you will have something in common already with the people you meet there.

Bars and nightclubs may not be the ideal place because you can hardly hear what the person next to you is saying! And a majority of people go there in groups or with a friend. If I was meeting people I'd start with approaching one person rather than a group of them but maybe that's just me. I don't feel comfortable introducing myself to a group of strangers.

 

[aj]

She sees it as a start but yeah I know that when I do meet new people then a whole load of other problems will appear. It's too late to get very far with it now so that's what's most worrying.

I don't know why I keep on thinking about bars or nightclubs. I think it might be because my worst nightmare is to be boring - when that's just what I am and always have been. Everyone else in my family is boring too. It's a bit intriguing because it's like another world I haven't seen. Because people see me as boring I never get asked to join anyone so it's probably something I'll have to try on my own. I tell myself that I know I might well hate it, but at least I could say I tried it.

Iluv, if you go to a bar, what do you do to talk to people? Knowing my luck everyone would be in their own groups and I wouldn't have any way to get started. On top of the worry of never having been to one anyway.

I don't know if it all even matters, I have done things which I like in the past and I just end up not being able to go up to anyone as usual.

Youth groups are a thought but I'm still not really interested. And then I feel like any friends would have been found 'for' me so it wouldn't make me feel any better. I'm my own worst enemy. Urgh.

 

[Bustn Justin]

Thanks for bringing up this topic. I have no real interest in anything. I have tried participating in stuff in high school but seems like things are worse than better. I just eventually gave up and now just veg out when I am at home from work.

I am at the point wherewhy even try since I will fail anyways and nobody cares if I get out or not. So maybe I will just be a hermit.

 

[Bustn Justin]

Thanks for bringing up this topic. I have no real interest in anything. I have tried participating in stuff in high school but seems like things are worse than better. I just eventually gave up and now just veg out when I am at home from work.

I am at the point wherewhy even try since I will fail anyways and nobody cares if I get out or not. So maybe I will just be a hermit.

 

[coyote]

two words:

sock monkeys