Finding someone

[A friend]

Hi everyone,

I'm in my mid-twenties and have never been on a date or have had a partner. I've come to stage now where I think there's something really wrong with me, and have really questioned myself.

I go to work everday, uni etc, occasionally go out with friends, but no one has ever approached me and asked me out. I know, perhaps I need to make the first move, but surely most people have been approached at least once right??

I'm just confused. It seems like a lot of people here have partners, or have at least been on a date, and some are even housebound (this might some a bit patronising, but I REALLY don't mean it that way. I guess I just want to highlight how lame I really am. I'm fortunate to still be able to go to work, uni whilst having SA, but I'm still useless).

I just don't get it...I know a few people who hardly say anything to anyone (again, I don't mean to sound patronising...I really don't, I'm very shy), but they still seem to have found someone. I'm thinking that people must find me gross, not relationship material, boring, uncomfortable to be around etc etc. I don't think I'm intimidating, rather I'm the opposite, very non-assertive.

I guess what I'm asking is, can anyone share any stories about how they met their partners?? At the supermarket, on the bus, at school/work, going out clubbing and so on. Were you approached, did you make the first move. Any tips???

Maybe I just need to get out more or something. However, I thought going to work and uni would be enough to at least have one relationship happen in my life...

I can understand how you feel, but in my opinion, the only thing that's going to happen in that sort of relationship will be pain and hardcore stress.

The way I see it, you're probably going to end up in the 70% divorce margin.

People have told me in the past that every relationship is different, and most of them

 

[drganon]

Eh, I've already accepted the fact I'm going to die alone. Doesn't bother me too much most of the time, but sometimes it depresses the hell out of me.

 

[A friend]

Eh, I've already accepted the fact I'm going to die alone. Doesn't bother me too much most of the time, but sometimes it depresses the hell out of me.

I know how that feels, but I have made myself content with being single. I even made myself vomit as I tried to force myself to believe that I don't need to have a girlfriend in life.

Now I feel good, but every time I get anywhere near being depressed because I'm single, I say that I don't need to have a girlfriend, and although this doesn't feel that good, I bring up all the negative things that happen when you have a girlfriend.

I saw that having a girlfriend means that you have an extremely stressful job, except you don't get paid, and it's much more work than any other job you can find, and the only thing you get is pain.

I know that it doesn't sound healthy to think or feel that way, but it definitely stopped me from wanting to have that sort of relationship.

After all, most guys who have a girlfriend/wife are much more miserable than the people who live in Africa and the middle east.

 

[HH]

Eh, I've already accepted the fact I'm going to die alone. Doesn't bother me too much most of the time, but sometimes it depresses the hell out of me.

Drganon, I see you're a failure fan, fantastic planet is such a great album.

Anyway....yes, finding someone is filled with embarrassment/pain/hope/despair.....you name it

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

All I know, is that I just can't wait to find somebody who feels the same way back that I feel for them.
So far I've only ever experienced the hurt which comes from knowing you want something you can't have.

Yeah that does suck. ::

But that somebody will show up, and probably when you least expect it. That seems to be the way things happen. I guess it's the way the universe likes to toy with us, for its own twisted amusement.

And you are a great catch! It's the eloquence of the self-indulgent whinging that counts.

 

[Fighter86]

Fighter86, why don't you text him? No-one's interest dies overnight. Were you texting him as much as he was texting you? Is there a chance that he thinks you're not interested?

In the end, he did text so I was over the moon. Things have since developed, and in the midst of things, I found out his true character, he practically forced me to do things that I really didn't want to for his own personal satisfaction without caring about what I felt. But in the end, I continued texting him asking if he'll still talk or go out with me again etc etc. Basically acting clingy because I have no one, how sad is that :: I just feel so lonely.

 

[DimBulb]

If you are healthy/at least average in looks, there will be some one in this world for you.

For those who do not fit into the above category i.e unhealthy looking/below average looks (like me), yes -- prepare for life, alone.

 

[pingu07]

You should be the man and man up! Girls like guys who make the first move, it shows you are brave and girls like that.

 

[Kiwong]

A water divining rod helps find many things

 

[planemo]

I was hoping to find someone to bring me some much needed love in my direction, but I guess my current circumstances doesn't allow for it. It used to bother me, but I guess being a loner is the best I can wish for. It's difficult but I'm trying to be a loner who is comfortable with it, and I dare say enjoys it. It's a better option then being a loner always moaning about how lucky and happy others with partners are, and how sad and lonely I am. Either way I lost out on the one girl I had true feelings for, so i guess my process is pretty much over.

 

[coyote]

A water divining rod helps find many things

what did you find?

animal, vegetable, or mineral?

is it bigger than a bread box?

 

[planemo]

There's always more than 'the one'. Wait for it and see.


And lets not use the word 'loner'. In any sense, ourselves is all we have, we're born alone, we die alone. We have to make friends with ourselves before taking on the big, bad, world. Its hard, but it doesn't make you a loner.

Perhaps there is someone else out there, but as you say we have to make friends with ourselves first, so for the mean time I guess I'll just accept being alone (rather than being a loner)

 

[Bittersweet]

There's always more than 'the one'. Wait for it and see.

And lets not use the word 'loner'. In any sense, ourselves is all we have, we're born alone, we die alone. We have to make friends with ourselves before taking on the big, bad, world. Its hard, but it doesn't make you a loner.

More good advice from twiggle.

I have been working on making friends with myself, and a lot of the loneliness is going away on its own.

Still, it would be nice to share things with that special someone.