Finally figured out happiness

U

UnOccupied

Well-known member
So, i realized something after going through major recovery from SA. I guess it's about happiness. I always considered myself to be somewhat unhappy and unsatisfied with my life...always. I thought that was because of the circumstances in my life...i had SA, i was awkward, couldn't talk to girls, and had lots of problems with friends and family. Well, i have come SUCH a long way from that stage in my life.

I feel like I have mentally matured 20 years since i started college(four year ago). I am so much more social, i can talk to girls now, i am almost finished with school, and i am closer than ever with my friends and family. With that said, i still feel unsatisfied. It's like i want more, but i don't know what it is i want.

I literally cannot focus on anything other then getting a girlfriend. Not just a girlfriend, i want a great girlfriend that i get along with, and have chemistry with, pretty much the perfect girl. I don't care about making money, reading books, or anything else i am passionate about in life. I can't explain how much focus, time, and energy i put into finding a girl. It is obviously counterproductive and hasn't been working. It is almost like i don't care about myself, just getting a girlfriend.

There is a point here. I am trying to say that my whole life, i felt a certain level of unhappiness. I believed that when things got better socially, and with school, i would become happy. Well, i have come so far in those aspects, and i still feel a weird, empty, unhappy feeling inside that has a lot of resemblance to my old unhappiness.

It made me realize that no matter how bad things get in life, the degree to which you focus on, and amplify them inside your head directly relates to your happiness. That may sound cliche, but it's just one of those things that i heard all the time, but finally realized the true meaning behind it.

Everyone on this earth has problems. Your life(mainly, the happiness you experience in it) is determined by the way you view them, and your attitude towards them...it's not all about how severe they really are.


Please share your thoughts. Have you had an experience like this? Do you consider yourself happy? Do you have a few things you think you need to change that will automatically cause you to be happier?
 
¯

¯\(º_o)/¯

Well-known member
growing up, what i wanted in life was to be popular, have a smoking hot girl and a badass car. never really bacame popular, do do have many different types of friends and know generally alot of good people. I have had plenty of nice cars, plenty of them have gotten me lots of attention. but after all this, the only thing that had ever truly made me happy was finding me a girl. no longer did i care to be liked by anybody else, no longer did i care what car i drove, nor did i care about any other thing. my focus went to her, doing stuff for her or taking her places, seeing her smile was the most important thing ever to me. you could have taken everything from me, i could be living under a bridge, as long as she was beside me, nothing else mattered.

she is no longer a part of my life, and am having a hard time finding her replacement, i keep meeting people, i just cant seem to find that same kinda connection.
she is off being happy, and thats what i always wanted for her, so i am happy that she is happy.
although it makes me feel lonely, she made me realize that there are amazing things out in this world, and im happy to know this, and i am happy because i want to be lol
 
P

pavnaxtion

Member
I feel as though I also ways focus on the things that aren't working in my life. This isn't to say that I go through emotional pain regularly, I don't, but rather I obsess about my phobia, which has become less of a phobia and more of a dangerously insecurity about my social skills. Like you, I let myself think girls are the answers. Well that sex is the answer, but I'm starting to realize it's just another addiction. Only, because I am socially phobic, sex is such an allusive goal and so I spend my days pining for sex, but I doubt, even if I could secure it with the consistency I'd like.
 
T

tailwagger

Member
Attitude makes a difference and it is a choice. I was unhappy right out of the womb and felt differnt. This led me to using drugs and drinking at a young age, which only intensified my isolation. Sex was addiction to me. But then after I felt used and abused. Now I can't have any type of relationship that is sexual or romantic. I like being solitary as at least I don't have to pine for sex anymore. I think when you're young you can think of sex almost 99 percent of the time! LOL especially when you've had it and liked it :) I couldn't stand thinking of sex and wanting a relationship so I pretty much closed the whole book. Years later I am relieved. But I wouldn't do this if I were young still !
It's normal to want to be in love and have a great relationship with the opposite sex so if that's what you want go for it. But nothing outside of us can make us happy, and happy is an emotion like all others, it passes. sometimes we are happy and sometimes not. It's OK that way. But if you're never happy, then sometimes it's the way we're thinking. I have to work on the way I think. I have to stop negative thoughts in my head as they come up. This is hard work but I have to do it otherwise I'd be thinking of killing myself all day everyday! (humour and comedy are very helpful also, I do laugh at myself regularly)
 
-lonestar-

-lonestar-

Well-known member
Never had a girlfriend so I tend to obsess about it, and I ask myself if it would make life better or the same. Can I be ready soon enough to be with someone, if not will I ever be. These days I have had a very negative outlook in life, gotta fight my thoughts and replace then with positive thoughts.

I hope tho that true love exists and we can feel alive, not just satisfied but truly feel that everyday is full of promise.
 
R

redmatter

Well-known member
I've found that by making the decision to look at the bright side, and showing optimism only attracts people who want to set up road blocks, then when you smile past those they bring in the heavy artillery. Then when you're all setback and bloody, they say condescendingly, maybe you should go and see someone about your problems. Maybe it's a mental issue this trying to succeed or be happy, don't leave us. Don't leave us here.

It's tough because when you're alone and alienated, it does seem like you're in the wrong for it.

Makes me hate life. It's damn sad.
 
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Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I have had moments of great happiness lately. Happiness is rare in my experience and you have to really work hard to achieve it.

The most important thing is that I have pulled myself out of the massive lows I have crashed into. My life is more often neutral these days, rather than happy or unhappy. When I was depressed my whole life was unhappy all the time, I was completely debilitated and in pain.

Now I get unhappy but it doesn't last long, to balance that out I have moments of real happiness, they don't last long either, but are worth every fleeting second. Most of the time my mood is neutral and that is better than being depressed.
 
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