feelings toward a friend

[doubleM]

i have a friend who is a girl. she is engaged to someone and its really becuz of me they met. i met her online about 2 years ago. we really have alot in common its uncanny. she is very different, she has SA like me and we kind of support each other. our relationship has been mostly platonic. ive never said anything to her really about dating or how attractive i found her.
a few months after i met her, before i really knew her that well or our friendship really grew, i introduced her to a guy i knew on myspace and they seemed to hit it off. they got engaged later.
i got to meet her and her fiance about a month and a half ago. they wanted to meet me and hang out. when i first saw her i thought omg she is absolutely beautiful. i had seen her pic before but she was even more pretty than i thought she was. we got along great in real life as well. i thought she was really nice. i think i caught her looking at me a few times. one time that day, i was looking in a mirror and i noticed her looking at me for a long time. i guess she was attracted to me too. but i had to respect the boundaries, her fiance seems like a good guy. they are friends so i cant do anything.

they seem to have a very odd relationship. they didnt really talk to each other much. she told me at one time she didnt have much confidence in them as a couple, and she doesnt know why theyre together. i dunno its weird.

im not jealous of them or anything. if they got married today i would be happy for them. there is just that part of me that wishes they would end it already so i can have a chance with her.
but now im kicking myself for ever setting them up. i know its my fault, but i have to just say DAMMIT!!!!

 

[Feathers]

hmm.. do you just know that guy from MySpace or are you friends with him in RL?
Who were you friends with first? Things to consider..

If you two are really more compatible you'd be doing her a disservice by saying nothing.. Maybe you could hint at it in a way so she can understand but choose to interpret it as she would prefer? Something like, 'Oh, the good ones are all taken..' (I know this is corny, try to think of something more original?) Something that could be interpreted in a general way or that you like her.. And to say it just to her?

If you only saw her once in RL you may have unrealistic expectations from that too..? So it would be good to get to know her in RL too..

An ex-roommate of mine did start dating her boyfriend's friend, started flirting with him when they were still together, but then she wondered why her man doesn't have any friends? Things to consider and contemplate..

I know two couples who split up and then one of the new couples got married (they were all friends together before). They were even all at the wedding and still seemed friends.. So, these things happen..

 

[doubleM]

i was friends with her before him. me and him are not really friends more like acquainted. i guess its alot to do with actually meeting her. ive felt like that ever since that. it is true i dont know everything about her in real life. on the negative side she has all those anxiety problems like me. ive always preferred i find someone who doesnt have those problems like me.

 

[qwerty103]

Tough luck friend.

 

[Feathers]

Hm, anxiety problems can be tricky. Are you working on your own and making them better? (CBT/journalling, nutrition, exercise etc.)
In that case, you might help your significant other too, or at least you guys could work on them together..

I'd be okay with a guy with mild anxiety levels sometimes, who can sometimes or often cheer me up/make me feel better too, but not with constantly holding his hand.. So it depends on both your and her anxiety levels, is it bad or just 'moderate' or 'mild'? And on what kind of things you are both doing and/or willing to do to make it better...
(For example, if one wants to work on things with nutrition/exercise/naturally, and the other just wants sweets and meds, that would be a no go for me.. It depends how you want to go about it...)

So, these are some things to consider. It's not an easy decision. At least now you know it's better to meet someone 'live' before deciding anything.. (Most books and websites on dating recommend that too..) So at least you'll know better for next time...