Feeling responsible for others feelings

[Inferiorpotter]

Hey guys how are you? I hope you are all on the way to recovery faster. Anyway, I have been having this problem for a long time since i was a teen and i think it's one of the factors stopping me from having healthy relationships.
Why do I feel responsible as if it is my duty to make offenders who offend me feel better? I mean when some people give me attitude and say rude things at my face, why DO I immediately want to make THEM feel better when it is THEM who offended me? It feels like I have a responsibility to make people who hurt my feelings feel better. Then I actually DO start talking to those rude people to put the awkward situation at ease, but actually it makes things more awkward. Damn....I just don't understand my psyche. Does anyone have this problem as well?

 

[EscapeArtist]

I do i do i do. Lol.

As for why... Hmm think back. Maybe, were you blamed for putting your parents in a bad mood/setting them off ? Did you affect them and how they felt too much? Maybe you had people in your life that were anxious and so always felt your presence in the room, so you always affected them or something. It's a hard one, explore it a bit, ry to find out why so that you can connect the dots and get over the thing that made you this way. It also helps to further understand the way that people become angry at people, and come to a more elaborate understanding of how they are actually angry at themselves.

 

[MikeyC]

Maybe you think that trying to make them feel better will stop them from abusing you?

Just a guess, really. Sorry I can't help any more than that. ::

 

[Feathers]

Well, I've felt responsible for other people's feelings and wellbeing too..

Why do I feel responsible as if it is my duty to make offenders who offend me feel better? I mean when some people give me attitude and say rude things at my face, why DO I immediately want to make THEM feel better when it is THEM who offended me??

Well, I'm not like that. If someone offended me, I may likely distance myself/ignore or yell back if provoked or something... And then be angry for a while...
I'd feel guilty if they got a health problem or worse shortly after that though... And then I'd wonder how to make things better (if possible)...
I know it's their responsibility if they got upset over what I might have said or done (to someone else/in a not direct situation possibly) still, yikes!!
My mum is a master of getting people to feel guilty, I think she could sort the governemnet and the tycoons and everyone!!

It feels like I have a responsibility to make people who hurt my feelings feel better.
Then I actually DO start talking to those rude people to put the awkward situation at ease, but actually it makes things more awkward. Damn....I just don't understand my psyche. Does anyone have this problem as well?

Maybe you could check some assertivness books/websites or courses/workshops or such?
I've found them helpful in the past...

 

[MrJones]

I always tried to make everyone happy despite my own feelings, but it doesn't work. I am not happy and I can't make people happy, so all I've ever done was wrong.

I think you have to make yourself happy and then try to make those who you love happy as well. You can try it and see what happens.