Feeling out of sync socially

[Quietguy11]

Tonight I'm feeling a little down, but not in despair or anything. I just feel like I'm never going to measure up in any kind of social standard. My Doctor tells me that it's okay to be a quiet person with not much to talk about, and that it's not abnormal in anyway. But it still bothers me when I see my friends all in sync with one another while I am just basically held by silence because of the anxiety I feel in these social situations.

Occasionally I can get a few words out here and there, and make some small talk, but to actually keep my train of thought going for anymore than a few minutes, I just can't do it! I feel that I will always be alone because I am clueless when it comes to the how's of social interaction.

I find that medication has made me a lot more relaxed in terms of being able to laugh and sync with everyone in that capacity, but conversation doesn't come naturally. I still pretty much never have anything to talk about even though I am actively involved with my interests, stuff I should be able to talk about easily.

I'm trying not to make this a sob story, nor am I trying to give the impression that I'm just here to complain. I am just tired of not being able to feel accepted, even though I am accepted. It's like my mind is not convinced that I don't have to perform in any kind of way in order to fit in like a glove.

For those who feel that they can relate to me. Please share in the comments how you deal with these social problems, and how you have learned to just accept yourself and have peace despite not feeling fully synced with people.

 

[Effloresce]

I understand. Are you currently seeing a psychologist? Different forms of therapy can often help us deal with the thoughts that enter our heads in reaction to a social situation we're in.

I get thoughts like 'They're all staring at me, it must be because they all hate me'. Sometimes when you get thoughts like that, it's helpful to challenge them. For example, are they really all staring at me, or are they just looking at me as I walk past? Do they hate me, or are they curious as to why I never talk to them?

I hope that helps

 

[Diend]

For some time, I kept feeling I was a straggler. However, it has naturally stopped bothering me as much. There is no standard and there is no way of improving your social maturity without making some mistakes along the way. You should be glad that social anxiety is the biggest of your problems at the moment. I am dealing with mental and physical atrophy and social anxiety suddenly doesn't seem that big of a deal anymore.

 

[jaim38]

Occasionally I can get a few words out here and there, and make some small talk, but to actually keep my train of thought going for anymore than a few minutes, I just can't do it! I feel that I will always be alone because I am clueless when it comes to the how's of social interaction.

I find that medication has made me a lot more relaxed in terms of being able to laugh and sync with everyone in that capacity, but conversation doesn't come naturally. I still pretty much never have anything to talk about even though I am actively involved with my interests, stuff I should be able to talk about easily.

Yeah I get what you're saying. I am a very visual person so I tend to think in pictures instead of words. So, when I speak to people, I can't maintain a long train of thought so it looks like I am speaking in broken sentences. It's just the way I was wired. Even when I am very interested in a topic, I still can't maintain the conversation for long without switching topics. I look at amazement at other people who can talk on and on without even pausing! It's like they constantly come up with new things to say.

I am naturally quiet, and I have accepted myself. I tell myself that I have to fake it out in public, but at home I can be myself. In public, I make an effort to talk to people and act like I am interested. Sometimes I don't have anything to say at all, but I force myself to actively listen to other people speaking. And naturally, I start to jump into the conversation several times, though not a lot. And at the end of the day, I pat myself on the back for making an effort.

 

[Quietguy11]

I understand. Are you currently seeing a psychologist? Different forms of therapy can often help us deal with the thoughts that enter our heads in reaction to a social situation we're in.

I get thoughts like 'They're all staring at me, it must be because they all hate me'. Sometimes when you get thoughts like that, it's helpful to challenge them. For example, are they really all staring at me, or are they just looking at me as I walk past? Do they hate me, or are they curious as to why I never talk to them?

I hope that helps

Yes I am seeing a psychiatrist, and an outreach team that communicates with me over the phone once a week. My appointments are usually every month to six weeks depending on how well I am doing at the time. I found that psychiatric care has helped to a great extent, I am doing a lot better than I was before I took this avenue.

I don't necessarily challenge the thoughts, because they aren't important enough to me to challenge. But I do shrug them off as nonsense. It's just the persistence at which they come into my mind, that's the aggravating ordeal of it all.

For some time, I kept feeling I was a straggler. However, it has naturally stopped bothering me as much. There is no standard and there is no way of improving your social maturity without making some mistakes along the way. You should be glad that social anxiety is the biggest of your problems at the moment. I am dealing with mental and physical atrophy and social anxiety suddenly doesn't seem that big of a deal anymore.

I know it could be a lot worse. It's just a lonely place for the most part. But I should be use to it by now. And I'm also thankful that I have friends that care about me enough to give me a call.

 

[Drew]

I am a quiet person and conversation does not come naturally. I don't know why some people can do this effortlessly and some struggle so much. The only thing I can say is that, in my case, the more I did it, the easier it got. Like anything in life, it seems that conversation skills can be acquired, even to those who are not naturals. And I suffer from acute social anxiety.

I know I'll never reach the level of an average extrovert, but I do see signs of improvement. Every day, I make a conscious effort to connect with someone and engage them in conversation. Most times it is a family member or someone that I feel safe with, but there are days that I step right out and talk to a stranger in public. I ask for the time, directions, etc, add a little small talk, get a feel of whether they are open to exchanging a few words and go from there. However, I always end it quick when my anxiety starts to build. I figure a 2 minute conversation with a complete stranger does more for me than just about any form of therapy. I feel exhilaration afterwards at my accomplishment.

Of course, sometimes I get rejected and I am destroyed emotionally for a while. This truly does suck.

Anyway, what I am saying is that any contact/conversation with anyone is good practice and, in my case, the only way I'll ever get comfortable with people and groups.