Feeling ignored...need to vent. =(

[Stressball]

I came home from my U.S vacation today, was really wonderful seeing my long distance partner, but now I'm back home feeling lonelier then ever. I have some online friends...but being ignored by all 4 at once all the time since coming home is a real blow for me. Nobody is asking me anything about me, nobody seems to care. They only talk when the two most popular of our little social group come online... I feel like I am truly at the bottom of the social totem pole even online, which to me feels like the most shameful thing ever. I just want to curl in ball and ignore the world. All this pent up frustrating keeps welling up in me, I am tired of feeling like nobody enjoys my company, it feels like no matter how hard I try to talk to people and make them feel comfortable around me, it never works. I really wish I could just not feel the desire to socialize and be content, all it has done for me my entire life is made me feel so much pain. Anyway sorry this sounds whiny...I really need to vent pretty badly.

 

[S_Spartan]

Maybe they are jealous because you had a vacation?

 

[Lavinialuna]

I have felt this way so many times, and many of those times I was wrong and there was other things going on in those people's lives that just kept them busy. It's so hard to read people, although most of us with socail anxiety try pretty hard. Give it a day or so, I'm sure they will want to hear all about it. If not, come and tell us. I would like juicy details, tee hee

 

[Stressball]

Maybe they are jealous because you had a vacation?

Not sure about that. Not the feeling I get from them.

I have felt this way so many times, and many of those times I was wrong and there was other things going on in those people's lives that just kept them busy. It's so hard to read people, although most of us with socail anxiety try pretty hard. Give it a day or so, I'm sure they will want to hear all about it. If not, come and tell us. I would like juicy details, tee hee

Yeah, you're definitely right about that. I know most likely people are just doing their own thing, not intentionally ignoring you. It's something I've come. to accept more. There will always be someone that they prefer to talk to more then others. However sometimes I feel by gut when I am much less liked then someone else they know. I've known these people for over a year now. You can tell by people's behaviour. eg. In my group of online friends, *nobody* will talk to me 90% of the time unless 2 specific people are on, only then chat comes alive. I try my hardest to get some convos going, because I am tired of the silence...but its always a dead end thing. I do the same thing with some acquaintances I know I feel I have chemistry with...but they have fast become just random people on my list. 90% of the time I am ignored, even if I talk first.

I just hate that feeling I'm just the disposable one...that people will have tonnes of fun without me, nobody will miss me, nobody tells me they enjoy my company and ask to hang out. I really feel like there is someone so wrong with me that I repel people, maybe that is it. I wish it bothered me less, but it bothers me alot.

Anyway, not much else has happened. Still ignored, nobody really interested in talking to me. I'm tempted to become a loud mouthed jackass just so people pay attention for once heh. =(

 

[lonerism]

I've struggled with much of the same problem. I know how awful it can feel to feel chronically ignored - it can aggravate some deep/painful insecurities such as: "I'm boring to people", "I'm worth less to the group than other people are", "I'm valueless and forgettable", etc.. As hard as it can be - we have to not let our self-worth get too dependent on the reactions of other people. And we have to remember that the horrible thoughts we have as a result of these experiences are overly-harsh, and not necessarily true. We have inherent worth and value; just because we don't have the social-skills and the outgoing energy it takes to always get people's attention doesn't mean that we aren't interesting, or that we are "worthless losers". We just struggle with communicating in a way that compels people to respond to us.

When much of your energy is spent fighting your anxiety - or your energy is blocked for whatever other reason - we have less energy to radiate out in an attractive way to others. People who are introverted and/or shy often have a different energy - a more inward energy, a less forceful energy. Unfortunately for the shy and/or introverted, we live in a society that is heavily biased toward outgoing extroverts. People seem to be more inclined to respond to people who exhibit that certain type of effortless outgoing energy - or a certain "charisma". We can learn how to somehow conform our energy and behavior to more closely match the energy/behavior of people who are more "popular" - or we can learn to accept ourselves...and our own strengths and weaknesses.

Easier said than done, I know! My own journey is far from complete.

I know that being the catalyst or the driving force behind a conversation isn't a strength of mine - I may contribute a little here and there (and the Internet sometimes makes this a little easier) - but I don't have the charisma or the social skills to lead a conversation. It can be a struggle to accept this, but acceptance is key. Not everyone is designed to be a charismatic leader (which is actually a good thing).

In this Twitter-fied, social-media/entertainment-driven world - I think it may be even harder to maintain people's attention, period. I wouldn't beat myself up over this - just chalk a lot of it up to people's scattered attention spans and narcissism driven by the times we live in, and the things we are exposed to.

 

[Whoopdeedoo]

Awe....tell me/us about your trip...
We care. And know that everyone can get alittle down when coming down from an experience as big as that. It sounds like you just had a great time and sometimes going back to normal, or the grind of day in ,day out ,everyday life
Just requires a little time for adjusting to...Don't let that reality get you down. Daydream and relish in the positive experience that you just had and have gratitude and appreciate that the experience was a gift.
And nevermind those folks you feel are ignoring you.
Theyre just otherwise occupied.
Maybe you need to find a local pub, cafe or coffee shop to visit regularly
So people can get to know you. Im sure if you frequent a place often enough you ll come up with something that gets a conversation started.
Maybe hello and a smile will be enough to engage interaction. You never know til you try.
Welcome home
Cheers
& dont take this offensively but
go rub one out lol
Sometimes that helps me ease tension

 

[Stressball]

Thank you for your advice and responses, it means alot! Definately think waaaay too much about others think...one day at a time. Today I'm feeling particularly down. Same thing happened again today, we all chatted together on skype with my partner...I just felt like I was invisible yet again. Eventually the pent up frustration of being ignored got to me and had to excuse myself from the conversation and go have a sob. I do spend way too much energy worrying about others definitely, bloody hell its hard as hell to deal with it. I have that overwhelming urge to at least be responded to when I talk to my friends, surely this is a basic need though, its why I feel like I am not overreacting.

I suppose I should clarify I'm a woman and most of my online acquaintances/friends are male, age range 20-30. I have 1 online female friend as well, but she tends to keep to herself and talks more with the guys. She is a nice girl, but I can sense she is not entirely comfortable around me. I definitely feel like the odd one out...as a woman, do guys get too nervous talking to express themselves online, even if they meet on a regular basis? I feel like none of my opinions ever matter...people just stay quiet when I am the one talking. I can even be better at something, but I feel because I am a woman...it doesn't count because all the guys will compliment each others skills at gaming or other things but not me, even when its evident I am better. (Not trying to toot my own horn, but I am just saying I feel like I am alienated because I am female sometimes.) I am just this empty voice. I just feel like a freak. I can't seem to make female friends at all either, I don't know why. I feel like I can't relate to other women, I am too tomboyish and suck at conversation. I feel like I am stuck in this weird place where I am too masculine/tomboyish for most other women to get along with me yet still too feminine for guys to feel entirely comfortable talking to me as a friend. It's a weird place to be at and I keep feeling like I must really change and twist everything about me to ever have a chance at meaningful friendships.

I am not saying I am not messed up and its not at least partially my fault...its just I can never seem to put skills to use to improve my social relationships. I don't want to turn into this sociopath, where I view relationships as merely tools to get what I want, but there is this part of me deep down that is so deeply aggravated by not being accepted for what I am that I have no choice but to be that way to progress and be happy in this world. It's even scary to think about, but I am feeling this absolute desperation, its just so god-damned hard. Anyway thanks to anyone who reads and listens.

 

[Friendless2]

Nobody is asking me anything about me, nobody seems to care.

I feel like I am truly at the bottom of the social totem pole even online, which to me feels like the most shameful thing ever

I am tired of feeling like nobody enjoys my company, it feels like no matter how hard I try to talk to people and make them feel comfortable around me, it never works. I really wish I could just not feel the desire to socialize and be content, all it has done for me my entire life is made me feel so much pain

Are you readind my mind?Thats me you're describing.