Family problems.

[Helmaninquiel]

Ok, so I've been having paranoia that my family is out to get me. I know this may sound weird but does anyone have a big family and get treated like dirt swept under the carpet? I mean yes maybe I freak out to much, cause I am known for my anger and sometimes I can get really mean but that's only cause I feel like everyone is out to get me and they are selfish asses who only look out for themselfs. Don't get me wrong I love my mom very much but sometimes I only love her and that's it. Honestly I'm just going to start to ignore people again, thats what I'm going to do is just ignore everyone and stay in my room when I'm at home. I think it's for the best.

 

[Devoured]

I can see some similarities in my situation. Only that i feel my parents are trying to "guilt" me into choosing the future they want to see me in, rather than what I want. The fact that they paid for my education plays into that greatly. They often compare me to relatives and think that is what I should be. Even though they know I want to go into something else, they still email me job postings in the field that I have no interest in.

In my opinion, you should think about what YOU want out of life. Even if it's something that the people close to you don't agree with, you'll get satisfaction from it. From my experience, ignoring everyone will just cause more problems in the end. I generally abstain from posting on issues like this, but i figured I'd share my life experience.

 

[redmatter]

Ok, so I've been having paranoia that my family is out to get me. I know this may sound weird but does anyone have a big family and get treated like dirt swept under the carpet?

Not weird at all. My friends and family like to keep me in a pressure cooker and then act stupid, and tell me I need a thicker skin. What I need is a new start in a new place free from them. It hurts, they're making me cruel, and that hurts too.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

I can see some similarities in my situation. Only that i feel my parents are trying to "guilt" me into choosing the future they want to see me in, rather than what I want. The fact that they paid for my education plays into that greatly. They often compare me to relatives and think that is what I should be. Even though they know I want to go into something else, they still email me job postings in the field that I have no interest in.

In my opinion, you should think about what YOU want out of life. Even if it's something that the people close to you don't agree with, you'll get satisfaction from it. From my experience, ignoring everyone will just cause more problems in the end. I generally abstain from posting on issues like this, but i figured I'd share my life experience.

I agree but my family are literally just *******s. They don't want you to be successful in life they literally want you to be nothing so it makes them feel better. They don't care about anyone but them-selfs.. and it makes me sick to my stomach. but I want to help people in need, I eventually want to become a CMHA worker and help people who are going through rough times cause I know how it feels.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I think that sometimes it's better to not see eachother for a long time... then get together for a few days of the year; even then, some families don't get along at all.

What is important is that when something devastating happens; they are there for you.
Even if they are *******s the rest of the time.
That's how family are sometimes.

 

[redmatter]

What is important is that when something devastating happens; they are there for you.
Even if they are *******s the rest of the time.
That's how family are sometimes.

Yea, I suppose it is what it comes down to.

 

[Waybuloo]

I've only just discovered that my mum is Narcissistic or has Narcissistic personality disorder. She is extremely manipulative and good at making other people feel inferior, repressed and inadequate with themselves and dishes out tactics so subtly you think it's you that's wrong, not her. Another feature of this disorder is that she can pitch her siblings against eachother like a mastermind and let her children do the dirty work for her and bully the scapegoat child she wants to abuse the most. She wants her children to be an extension of herself and not be people in their own right. She creates love hate relationships or if she's really good she'll make you hate yourself but love and need her. Maybe look into personality disorders to see if your family members are like that. It was a revelation to me and it cleared a lot of confusion and made a lot of sense.

My mum needs to make other people feel crap about themselves to feel good, to feed her emotional vampirism. She plays the benevolent caring mum role but she's extremely controlling and hateful underneath. She knows how to press my buttons and humiliates me infront of other people, often in a way like an in joke so only I know she's doing it so other people think she's being nice. It's basically like a psychopath.

For me personally, she is too toxic to hang on to emotionally. I am trying to cut her out from my heart and see her objectively as a sick woman who never loved me and who was never capable.

It's great that you have a goal and value in life. Work on it, put yourself first, and build up your self esteem and self love so that what your family put you through won't have the same effect on you anymore.

''They don't want you to be successful in life they literally want you to be nothing so it makes them feel better. '' If this is true then that is very dysfunctional indeed.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

Not weird at all. My friends and family like to keep me in a pressure cooker and then act stupid, and tell me I need a thicker skin. What I need is a new start in a new place free from them. It hurts, they're making me cruel, and that hurts too.

It's honestly not right. I hate it when people hurt you so much and break you down so much your left with negativity and hating everyone around you. Life sucks, wait no certain people suck. lol

 

[jazy]

It's honestly not right. I hate it when people hurt you so much and break you down so much your left with negativity and hating everyone around you. Life sucks, wait no certain people suck. lol

Same here.

 

[EnigmatiConduit]

What is it that they do to make you feel like they are out to get you? I have a very small family, well i have a large family but those in contact is a very small number. I have an on going massive problem with my brother, which was caused by him and constantly made worse by him. My family is always on my back about it, and not his - and that pisses me off. The advantage i have is that i live in a different state to them all, so i just don't pick up their calls etc, if i don't want to. Even though they are family, there does come a point where you need to work out if there is anything positive coming out of these relationships - if not, cut away!

 

[redmatter]

It's honestly not right. I hate it when people hurt you so much and break you down so much your left with negativity and hating everyone around you.

I wonder though, when they've taken everything, and all you once held sacred is demolished... could this not be freedom? Baptism by fire, a complete obliteration of a false identity created from confusion and a system that couldn't care less about how you push out, leaving you free to build from the ground up - the right way.

 

[mikebird]

I like to relate to all of this.

I used to have a big family, of which most are dead from cancer. I was born really late, 30 years junior to my brothers, and a senior niece.

Parents, seen by all my 6 nieces, as grandparents with a life spanning 3 generations and very different eras(WWII), who were very giving towards me, with a feeling of guilt towards my situation. A jealous brother, who made himself a millionnaire of the 'not having to lift a finger' type, and had Dad work for him who already retired and wanted to pay for my education. They sold all their property to pay for uni, with Dad living in a trailer park by himself. It hurts that I've not been successful. Brother's family are all 'not lifting a finger' people, where all is paid for, producing children, in a posh area of England where nobody will ever go anywhere near London. My other brother died and it's clear that his family have flourished from his life insurance, and joined a new family with an instant replacement for him, to please his widow.

In summary, born late to honest down-to-earth parents, with strange, racist, moneygrabbing family growing from there, making me feel the person to blame. Life so simple for them. Never seen any of them without an ongoing, lifelong, beaming smile and laughter. So that's what I'm chasing, and won't be able to