Family Gatherings. *EEK!*

[Quiet Angel]

How are family gatherings for you guys? They've been a lifelong challenge for me. As much as I dearly love my family, I often experience a great amount of anxiety around them. They unconditionally love & accept me, yet I can't feel convinced of that because my fears cause me to become delusional. It's twisted. I even considered moving to another state to avoid family gatherings because then I wouldn't have to see them very often. Running away from fears aren't recommended, I know, and I strongly desire to form & maintain a connection, but it doesn't feel effective right now. Each & every family gathering I attend, I mostly sit there, listen, nod, and smile. The only words I use is "Hi", "How are you?" and "Bye." It almost feels as though I'm a stranger in their household. Just thought I'd see if anyone else can relate.

 

[mikestar]

I think of myself as the family let down and to me its bascially the same as meeting strangers,worst in fact.

Its like you gotta prove to them that everything is going great,your well mannered and polite, and of course none of that is true ::

Not 100% close with all my family, well I dont feel it

 

[JustClare]

I totally understand this! I live in Florida right now but next week am moving back to NY and my family is all coming to help me move into the new house...I'd rather have the truck sit outside and unload it all by myself then to have 6 -10 other people come over and crowd me when I'll be uncomfortable to begin with because of the long drive and my anxiety over moving...then we all have Thanksgiving and Christmas to look forward to!!

Don't know how I'm going to do this...so YES I totally get where you are coming from!

 

[JCS008]

They're Ok. But sometimes you'll always get questions about your future, and people will compare you to other family members, which could get annoying.

I'm not a big guy at all, but I was at a family gathering a few years back. I was outside by the grill just eating and minding my own business standing against the wall. Then one of the family friends walks over to me, looks me up and down and says: You know my son is a pretty tall guy! He's muscular too!"

It was just so weird for him to say that to me.

 

[WelshOne]

I haven't seen most of my extended family in years... they've come down to visit a few times but I always make sure I'm not around when the visit (I live with my parents, so they come over to see them.)

They ALL know about my social phobia, and are sympathetic towards me, but I just can't face seeing them.

I see my uncle, cousin and nan quite often though because they live near by.

 

[Anomaly]

During large meetings in general, I try to find people that I may be interested in talking to and attempt to leave the massive crowd, limiting myself to a group of 2-4. If I can't find anyone, I probably wouldn't have attended the particular meeting in the first place.

 

[FOR REAL]

i try to avoid them at all costs. im worried though cause my sister is visiting from england soon with my nephews.

that means i have to go to my mums for a few hours at least.

well im scared of kids, i always feel like they are going to beat me up with a heavy metal toy (or whatever they can get their hands on!)

 

[Quiet Angel]

Wow, I 'spose I'm not alone in this type of situation. Best of luck to you guys! It has improved for me over the years, fortunately, but still remains a hardship. Often times, I find myself excessively smiling & giggling because I want to appear friendly & sociable. My parents are the only ones I feel comfortable around, but I love the advice about the baby steps. I believe everyone should keep that in mind. Thanks for the support, guys!

 

[shygirly]

I can relate. I recently stayed the weekend at my inlaws,I felt like I was under a microscope the entire time!

 

[AlleyCat]

I always dread family gatherings. I love my relatives, but I just feel so out of place and socially awkward at those. I feel like the black sheep.

 

[lurknomore]

For me it depends. Sometimes when I go to family gatherings at my mom's house, I can feel like I have no SA whatsoever, depending on who is there. I think I'm more shy when my sisters that live away from home are there, because I rarely see them. I grew up with all of them, but I've been away from home for a dozen years myself now, so they almost seem like strangers.

Family gatherings anywhere else, like an uncle's house, are a totally different story. I completely clam up around my aunts, uncles, and cousins, again, because I rarely see them and can't be completely comfortable around them. I don't hate these gatherings, but I do get a little nervous about having to answer questions. Fortunately, my kids tend to draw the attention away from me. ::

 

[Tiercel]

Family gatherings have never made me anxious as much as just plain unhappy. It seems like no matter what happens I always end up wishing I could run off and hide somewhere. I think it comes mostly from dealing with depression for half of my life. And everyone else always looks so happy....

Actually, I'm going down for a lunch this Saturday with everyone who can make it. It's for Grandmom's 90th birthday, and we're eating at a Mexican restaurant. So between my one uncle flying up from Louisiana, my newest cousin (10 months) making an appearance, and my one cousin and his wife who are expecting their first child in a few weeks, I'm sure I'll have a great time.

::

 

[dooby-duck]

I find these sorts of things difficult. Its hard to know what to say, and how to answer peoples probing questions without making myself look like a complete loser. There are always plenty of embarrassing questions. The other people my age all seem to have traveled the globe, have successful careers, happy relationships, and just more experienced. I feel I have nothing in common with them.

 

[zlench]

I hate these kind of things because I'm always asked the same old crap by people who I just cannot stand. Like how my life is and if I'm going out with anyone. I just don't have any answers for these questions as I have no friends or social life.

 

[JCS008]

Yeah, a big uncomfortable area of family gatherings is man older relatives have no shame and will ask you very very persona questions. Like how much you make at work or about what you do. Or back when I was in school, what my GPA was, what I got on the ACT. And of course, if you're dating anyone. Or if you're fat or skinny, they'll be sure to say so. I guess the last one isn't as bad for guys, but I know a lot of girls who get those blunt remarks of how they're "getting fat" or "how they're running out of time to be married."

 

[Lorraine Manca]

Me too! I dread family gatherings way more than strangers. Crowds and new people are uncomfortable. Family is terrifying. I dont know why.

 

[Quiet Angel]

Me too! I dread family gatherings way more than strangers. Crowds and new people are uncomfortable. Family is terrifying. I dont know why.

Yeah & I think I probably understand why. Strangers/Crowds, you don't necessarily see them as much as your family. With your family, you see them every year & at times you may experience pressure to put on your best impression for them & have unrealistic fears.

 

[Reiji Moritsugu]

I hate them more than anything else...I´d rather fight against two angry crocodiles with nothing but a knife than go to another one of those, where everybody else praises my brother for being the typical outgoing, cookie - cutter person, while pretty much telling me that I can go drown somewhere for all they care.

And why? just because I´m not talking 24/7 like a ****** parrot...yay for boosting my self - esteem.

But if there is something that I hate even more is being dragged to my girlfriend´s family events...you see, she has a really big family [and I hate large groups of people] that is also made of some of the most loud, obnoxious, rude and pretty much asshole - ish people that I have ever met in my whole life. They never shut up, for god´s sake !! and therefore they are even less tolerant of the fact that I am not precisely what you would call talkative. The first time I almost got into a fight with one of her cousins and the second time, when I spent a weekend with them...man, never had a weekend passed away so slow.

And there will be one of those things this Saturday; although I told her I won´t tolerate even a single insult from that particular cousin, beating the **** out of him if necessary. Yet she still wants me to go, arguing that it´s important for her and all that...while I understand that point I would not manipulate her into doing something she completely hates, yet I would be the selfish one if I didn´t go ._.

Goddammit...if she does that to me it´s normal, but if I place her into a secluded, noise proof room with no possibility to talk to anyone whatsoever [she is the kind of person who cannot spend even half an hour alone] it would be psychological torture. That´s what we get for living in a world where our polar opposites dictate what is "normal" I guess. The best part is that I am screwed no matter what I choose

I apologize for the wall of text...but I really needed to get this out of my system.