Fake friends

[chickenmaryjane]

I have been suffering from social anxiety for all most 24 years. It is an ugly situation, that I can not get out of. My friends are aware of this. They give me this false sense of comfort that they truly understand my problem. But then turn around and call me weak and stupid when I walk away from uncomfortable situations. How do I deal with jerks like that? They always say I'm not trying hard enough to overcome my problems. And another thing that pisses me off is that they often compare my situation with people disabilities are handicaps.As if we are suffering from the same thing. My problem is unique to me! Damn, I wish they keep their mouth shut on things they really don't understand.

 

[SeniorRedrings]

They sound like a bunch of dinks who don't know what they're talking about.

 

[Lea]

I have sometimes the experience that I tell people about my problems and they nod that they perfectly understand, but when they see me having the problem in practice, it shows that they in fact don´t. The trouble with social anxiety (or things like that) is, that it is often unrecognizable from cowardice, even though they are not the same. But well, that´s life.

And yes, I guess I know what you mean, people either see you as not trying enough, or a complete retard, nothing in between.. Or even worse, both at the same time.

 

[Satine]

You seem to feel very stuck in your social anxiety. Although there are people around you that you have a friendship with, you're not content that they really understand how things are for you.

It sounds like they're trying to offer advice - which may or may not be what you want/need - or that they get frustrated by your anxieties and that makes you feel... would you say misunderstood and unappreciated?

What is it you want from your friends?

 

[Moa]

Make it clear to them that if it were as easy to conquer as what they think, then you would have fully recovered by now!

This. It was the only way I could get my boyfriend to understand.

 

[RegalSin]

You need to be more discriptive, in what they annoy you about.

This is normal thing with most people. People who knows that the person they are talking is not going to harm them, and undermines their intellegence. Like
take a job, where you cannot be discrimitive, disrespectfull, or even verbal
abusive. That pretty sums it up.

I have learn to just ignore them. What is funny is how tuff people allways
attempts to be polite, but people who are not tuff use negative words, instead of making a good situation out of a bad situation.

You know when somebody is a "winner", by the amount verbal abuse the comes out their mouth. Less is better, and more is worst.

verbal abuse is no differnt then physical abuse.

If you feel that you are being verbally abused, then you can say.

Pardon' you are verbally abusing me, it is not very helpful. You can go on to say "say something, useful or helpful"

If they constantly keep repeating themselves, you can just walk away, or if they are in your home or workspace, you can escort them away from you.

 

[chickenmaryjane]

You need to be more discriptive, in what they annoy you about.

This is normal thing with most people. People who knows that the person they are talking is not going to harm them, and undermines their intellegence. Like
take a job, where you cannot be discrimitive, disrespectfull, or even verbal
abusive. That pretty sums it up.

I have learn to just ignore them. What is funny is how tuff people allways
attempts to be polite, but people who are not tuff use negative words, instead of making a good situation out of a bad situation.

You know when somebody is a "winner", by the amount verbal abuse the comes out their mouth. Less is better, and more is worst.

verbal abuse is no differnt then physical abuse.

If you feel that you are being verbally abused, then you can say.

Pardon' you are verbally abusing me, it is not very helpful. You can go on to say "say something, useful or helpful"

If they constantly keep repeating themselves, you can just walk away, or if they are in your home or workspace, you can escort them away from you.

Sounds about right to me.

 

[Arthur_Dent]

Couldn't help to think of this one

Joan Jett - Fake Friends - YouTube

 

[Etbow23]

Well most people don't understand mental illness period. They have very subjective, misinformed views that usually come from what they think would work. Like saying to the severely depressed person go get exercise, do this do that. That was a common thing people told me, when I was having these issues. I remember when I was sent to the hospital (the cuckoo house, that one) and I didn't get out of bed for three days. And the nurse was telling me how spoiled I was, how I need to get some respect. People think toughness is easy , but they will never know because they've never been in that state of mind...

When I used to cut up and down my arms, my mom would just come by me and rip my sleeves up, to check, like I was an animal...she didn't realize how this made me feel. And she'd chastise me if she found them. She just didn't understand why.

My boyfriend has said you need to exercise. But he doesn't understand that the complexes I had made me stop exercising in the first darn place.

I do a lot better now. I may have some mild depression, but nothing like I have had. I fear it will come back one day, like it tends to do (the more serious stuff). I have some other issues. But I've realized throughout all these years NOT to talk to anyone about these issues--they will NEVER understand. And that includes therapists, who'll just send you to prison (mental hospital). And friends/loved ones? No. I keep it to myself, unless I'm talking to someone who's been through the same thing.

And guess what? I feel a ton better.

 

[chickenmaryjane]

Well most people don't understand mental illness period. They have very subjective, misinformed views that usually come from what they think would work. Like saying to the severely depressed person go get exercise, do this do that. That was a common thing people told me, when I was having these issues. I remember when I was sent to the hospital (the cuckoo house, that one) and I didn't get out of bed for three days. And the nurse was telling me how spoiled I was, how I need to get some respect. People think toughness is easy , but they will never know because they've never been in that state of mind...

When I used to cut up and down my arms, my mom would just come by me and rip my sleeves up, to check, like I was an animal...she didn't realize how this made me feel. And she'd chastise me if she found them. She just didn't understand why.

My boyfriend has said you need to exercise. But he doesn't understand that the complexes I had made me stop exercising in the first darn place.

I do a lot better now. I may have some mild depression, but nothing like I have had. I fear it will come back one day, like it tends to do (the more serious stuff). I have some other issues. But I've realized throughout all these years NOT to talk to anyone about these issues--they will NEVER understand. And that includes therapists, who'll just send you to prison (mental hospital). And friends/loved ones? No. I keep it to myself, unless I'm talking to someone who's been through the same thing.

And guess what? I feel a ton better.

"Normal" people think they know everything, but they don't know jack. Sad that you were mistreated by your mom.

 

[Aletheia]

And the nurse was telling me how spoiled I was, how I need to get some respect.

That's rather horrifying, coming from a psych nurse. I think she needs some retraining.

It's very sad that you were mistreated by your mom. If my daughter were self-harming, I'd read everything ever published on the subject.