Facebook, Social Phobia Hell

[Shant]

I know how you feel, it fueled a major part of my previous major depression.

My advice: Don't delete your account, but just don't really go that often. Or at all. Dissociate yourself from it: "I don't need it", or better, "I don't really get anything out of it.". It might be difficult to get away from it at first, but when you feel like going back, rationalize here: Is there anything you'll really get out of checking facebook now? Over time, you'll just eventually not go as much.

What also helps, is deleting tons of "friends"; primarily, the people you don't know. Especially those you've never made direct contact with in real life.

Ultimately, this will keep you open in the case of making a real life friend and him/her wanting to chat with you on facebook, but will keep you independent from it.

And after all, there's not much we get out of facebook anyways, being social phobic and not even knowing as many people as the non-social phobic.

 

[Quiet Angel]

I can kind of relate.

I'm too shy to post up a Facebook status. >.>;;
So my page is blank. And has been for a long time.

 

[NP88]

Facebook for me is a social outlet. Having SA this is not the best thing. Though I consider myself as having all the power. I can choose not to talk to people without any reprocutions. I can do as I please while still maintaining some kind of credibiliy as a human being. In the end though it seems as if no one really cares what you paste on face book. Normal people dont feel like they are being judged at every moment and can appreciate it on a different level. All in all facebook has helped me some though more so reminded me how out of contact with society I am...

 

[Srijita52]

Ever since, for some unknown reason, I got a facebook account and even a lot of friends there (basically everyone I know from school and until now (I'm 24), excluding family), I can't stop checking in on it. Now I even got into the habit to post there although in the past I was just a lurker. Since then hell started. Every time when people I know comment on my posts I almost get a panic and want to see what they wrote. Man, this gets so ocd like. I don't have ocd but it's what I imagine it to be. But when someone posts acually something negative I fall into a fit. I can be in rage for hours or even days about some comment that could be perceived negatively. It's so frustrating.

Should I just delete my account? But then I won't have the last personal interactions I still have left. It seems like my Social Phobia is slowly eating everything under my feet, until it's all gone.

I can only feel anger and fear right now.

I can soo relate to you!I've recently opened an account on facebook cause I was feeling so lonely.But now I have to check it every now & then.I seriously get depressed when anyone makes a negative comment too,it really ruins my day.Even my studies are getting hampered for this.I guess I'm being really desperate,just hope I get bored with it soon.

 

[_Hope]

I'm in two minds about whether or not I should start using facebook or not, I have used it once and for 30 minutes only...

I don't like facebook as it literally makes me shake with anxiety when my account is activated and I'm on there as I fear people from my past (family etc) seeing me now, adding me and talking to me and finding out how much of I mess I am.

I only have one friend on there and that makes me really depressed, I don't want random people just to add numbers I'd like people who I actually talk with but there are very few. :: I would have 5-6 if I added my other half and her family.

Part of me wants to activate and give it a try just to push myself but I know it would send my paranoia into overdrive, I'd really struggle and find it difficult to forget about it.

 

[Folly TB]

People are going to want to read up about you and get back into contact (people you probably don’t care about at all), but more so what facebook is, is a place where people can get attention for themselves... Most people on it are far less interested in you and your problems, but expressing themselves (and an insane amount of the same pictures but in different angles)

I have a facebook with about 150 “friends” (90% of them are just people I knew in high school and probably won’t ever talk to again) but it is a great place to keep in touch with people who you do care about, and I’ve even gotten to know a few people I never bothered to talk to back in highschool. I hardly ever post on my facebook and I’ll occasionally (very rarely) comment on peoples statuses, and no one will care if you don’t. People are far more interested in trying to make YOU and all the rest of their facebook friends think they’re cool than trying to make you feel uncool lol.

So I say if you want to give it a go definitely do it, there’s no reason to be nervous, but I don’t think you’re really missing out if you don’t get one either.

 

[lurknomore]

I don't know, so far I haven't felt that Facebook has been hell for me... mostly because (just as in real life) I don't try to interact that much. And it has the advantage (over real life) of making me feel "connected" and up to date with what is going on with people that I know (mostly relatives) through their status updates without actually having to visit them or pick up a phone and speak to them. I think perhaps I like the feeling of not being totally isolated, while at the same time limiting who I actually "talk" to. I guess I could start feeling down when I see that many people are doing things and "living" their life in a way that I'm not right now, but so far it hasn't gotten to me too much. *shrug*

 

[Folly TB]

Thanks for the advice Folly TB and I imagine you're right with what you say and perhaps I should just say sod it and give it a try. But I can't help but imagine people I used to go to school with asking me oh what are you doing now? What do I say? Oh nothing lol awwwwwkward. Maybe they wouldn't care though.. I wouldn't care if any of them was in my situation so again it must be my problems that are making simple things much more difficult.

I don't believe I'm missing out on much either despite the hype and popularity surrounding facebook, my other half has over 300+ friends and a lot of them are men plus she has pictures of all her ex's in her albums which I find really difficult and to be honest weird as hell since she is with me.. I can imagine my family or friends seeing them and asking me who are they and why are they there... I don't know if I'm overreacting though and having pictures of ex's on there from years ago is normal since I don't use facebook. But I believe when you're in a serious relationship with someone else there should be no need to display previous partners posing or other pictures... Is it weird or am I just being sensitive, paranoid and overreacting.

I think the negatives outweigh the positives for me at this moment in time but the other part is saying just give it a go... Even talking about it has my heart racing... Deary me. ::

About the having people asking what you are doing now part, I think yup lol just write you’re doing nothing. (I’m also doing absolutely nothing lol) but I try to just joke about it because the less of a deal you make of it the less they’ll think anything of it. Or you could just say nothing at the moment but you’re looking for a job…or you know all that stuff. I think that’s the best way to look at it, you wouldn’t care if they said nothing and odds are they’re not going to care either.

I think the best thing to remember is people really don’t focus on our lives as much as we think they do, everyone is so focused on their own lives and making sure they don’t look like idiots to other people that no one really has all that much time to focus on us and what we're doing.

Honestly you’re not missing out on much at all. It’s very over hyped. Also…I personally would feel really weird and it would bother me a lot if my boyfriend had loads of pictures of his ex girlfriends posted on his facebook, and I think if it bothers you, you should talk to her about it (it seems to always be the best thing to do) She might have forgotten about them or not even really thought anything of it. Just remember she is with you though and she obviously loves you, so don’t take it to heart.

I think personally you’ve got nothing to lose, and I think the things that make us panic are never as bad as they really seem, it’s just pushing yourself to do it that’s the hard part and afterwards you’re like….really…did I just waste that much time worrying over this? and you know what if you don’t like facebook you can always delete it. =D

Hope that helps out.

 

[Newtype]

I wanna have a Facebook, but I can't... Some years ago, I disappeared from the life of all my friends, disappeared without saying goodbye. I hated those people. I don't ever wanna be in contact with them again. If I make a Facebook, they're gonna find me there. I'm trapped.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I wanna have a Facebook, but I can't... Some years ago, I disappeared from the life of all my friends, disappeared without saying goodbye. I hated those people. I don't ever wanna be in contact with them again. If I make a Facebook, they're gonna find me there. I'm trapped.

Can't you just ignore them? I don't use FB much, but you must be able to ignore friend requests from people you don't want to reacquaint yourself with.

 

[Newtype]

Can't you just ignore them? I don't use FB much, but you must be able to ignore friend requests from people you don't want to reacquaint yourself with.

Yeah, but it would be so awkward to do that. Those people have spent years with me, they came to my house, etc.

 

[coyote]

i could point out the fact that just because you have a profile on Facebook it doesn't mean other people are going to judge you

but that argument would probably be unconvincing to the people who judge others because of their profiles

the facebook users who just find it fun and/or entertaining because they get to see what people are up to probably also simply assume that others just find it fun to see what they are up to as well

 

[_Hope]

Not to sound like a prophet of doom and gloom, particularly because I don't know you nor the strength of your relationship, but in recent surveys Facebook has been cited as one of the contributing factors behind a significant percentage of divorces. You could argue that if that's the case, then the relationship wasn't strong in the first place, but still, it doesn't bode well. I know it definitely contributed to a break-up of a marriage I know of too.

Your other half probably wants to have you on there so she can proudly display you as her O.H. That's sweet and there's no harm in that, but if that's the only reason why you're tempted to get one... I think you can find an alternative way to please her (And I don't mean that in any dodgy way at all... I just can't figure out how else to word what I mean haha)

Oh dear lol I didn't know that haha but I know our relationship is much stronger than that, not saying others were weak if they broke up about it but we have a great understanding of each other and have been through a lot in our lives and I don't see a thing like facebook destroying what we have. Although we might have different opinions on certain things like the pictures its not a relationship breaker. She is rather stubborn like myself and I know a big part of it is she won't remove them if she feels like I have "told" her too lol.

Yup you are spot on there she has said she wants me on there so she can link up with me or something? It is very sweet indeed but that produces new fears of being judged by her 300+ friends, family members I have not met and being compared to the pictures of her ex's which would be horrific given my very low self confidence. I know what you mean about making it up to her in a different way though :: lol j/k haha.

 

[Vampayah88]

I wish I could make a facebook account but I donț want everyone at college to see how I dont really have any friends. everyone posts pictures of themselves at parties, with people around them, friends. I have nothing like that to post.

 

[coyote]

sock monkeys have profiles on Facebook

Saulk Monqui | Facebook

 

[_Hope]

i could point out the fact that just because you have a profile on Facebook it doesn't mean other people are going to judge you

but that argument would probably be unconvincing to the people who judge others because of their profiles

the facebook users who just find it fun and/or entertaining because they get to see what people are up to probably also simply assume that others just find it fun to see what they are up to as well

That is true of course and needs no convincing not everybody is like that, I don't judge at least I don't think I do or try not to but I do think many others do do that and that's based on life experience and having dealt with it many times and due to such low self worth not because I judge others hence why I kept mentioning maybe its my problems. But yes you do have a good point and I wish I felt everyone was like that as it would really help with the worrying.

 

[Vampayah88]

EVERYONE seems to have facebook besides me. even my grandma might have one. When ppl ask me about it and I say donț have one they look taken aback, i think it makes me seem even more reclusive, weird. Maybe I should make an account afterall..

 

[v_coccotti]

Could Google+ be a better alternative.

 

[superfluouslyme]

My FB gave me figurative ulcers, so I deactivated it. That was three-ish months ago and I haven't missed it for more than seven minutes total. I got really tired of seeing everyone's happy statuses and that people I went to school with are dating, moving to big colleges and big cities for big jobs, and getting married and having kids. It was seriously driving me mad. I started by weeding out people who annoying or just mere acquaintances. That made it better, but my other problem was that I was becoming addicted to two FB games: Mafia Wars and ESPNU College Town. I have nothing against computer games; I actually enjoy them. But it got to the point where I was checking FB half a dozen times a day just to play the games and I realized that they had become more of a burden than fun. I figured the only way to get out of the tangled web was to just cut myself off completely. I reactivate it occasionally if I want to go find some pictures that I posted on there or talk to someone that I don't know how to contact otherwise.