yup sounds about right
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Experience at Club - Fail With 2 Girls In A Row
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agoraphobickatie
Well-known member
i am socially phobic, what do you think agoraphobia is? haha.. if there were zero people in the world, i could run free outside of my house and do whatever i wanted without a care in the world, lol... oh to dream
anyway, i understand that one of your problems you struggle with is that you THINK you're defective and you have self confidence issues, i get it. that's what i'm saying... me, being agoraphobic, i simply CANNOT go out to the club or ANYWHERE in public to even meet guys at all, and i can't even get out to go on dates with the guys i already know that have offered, so i WILL NOT have any relationships until i can overcome my fears and beat the agoraphobia... i understand that, and i'm fine with it, i will HAVE to overcome my problems if i want to live a good life and find someone who loves me and blah blah....... though we have different problems, our outcome is the same, you must overcome all of your issues first, bud... you won't love yourself until you overcome it, DUH.. do you see what i'm saying? that's why i said quit worrying about other hoes and worry about yourself, get YOU right before you try to get involved with anyone else... and you think you can't be happy without women, well.. you'd still not be happy if you DID get laid and you STILL didn't like yourself.. ya know?
Hi everyone, here is what Im thinking so far....
1. I won't be successful if I don't be my goofy, excited self, so I might as well let most girls reject me (because they will), on the chance that I will meet one or two who really like that kind of guy. Then I wont kill it by being fake.
2. My anxiety, self-loathing, and bad attitude towards women, shows through like a becon. Girls can read me before Ive opened my mouth. When I am feeling so insecure, resentful, and self-hating, I will not be attractive. The goal then, is to work on NOT feeling this way. Only then can I have success.
3. Girls know what Im up to when I am out hunting for chics. They think its creepy because Im just standing around by myself, lurking. This isn't allways true because some girls have liked me anyway. However, in general, Id probably be better off acting like I am doing something...drinking at the bar, dancing, etc, and NOT LOOKING AROUND OR JUST STANDING THERE.
What do you guys think?
1. I won't be successful if I don't be my goofy, excited self, so I might as well let most girls reject me (because they will), on the chance that I will meet one or two who really like that kind of guy. Then I wont kill it by being fake.
2. My anxiety, self-loathing, and bad attitude towards women, shows through like a becon. Girls can read me before Ive opened my mouth. When I am feeling so insecure, resentful, and self-hating, I will not be attractive. The goal then, is to work on NOT feeling this way. Only then can I have success.
3. Girls know what Im up to when I am out hunting for chics. They think its creepy because Im just standing around by myself, lurking. This isn't allways true because some girls have liked me anyway. However, in general, Id probably be better off acting like I am doing something...drinking at the bar, dancing, etc, and NOT LOOKING AROUND OR JUST STANDING THERE.
What do you guys think?
WHAT A FOOL!!!!
I actually believed that I could hide my feelings from other people. This is utterly impossible. You can't fake it. 80% of communication is non-verbal, whatever you are really thinking and feeling will show through because your body will betray you. Only SOCIOPATHS and people with PERSONALITY DISORDERS are able to do this. Its not a possibility for most people. And here I was still thinking (being aware that its nonsense), that somehow, someway, I would succeed at it.
Basicaly, If I don't feel confidence, okay with myself, and relatively relaxed, I wont be successful with women. The times I did well were when I momentarily felt this way because I thought my "bs" was working. This goes to show I will have some occasional successes by cheating, but it wont work in the longrun. After all, it hasn't.
I get it. Theres nothing mysterious. I cant fake it. I have no business meeting ANYONE in that kind of a state.
I actually believed that I could hide my feelings from other people.
This is utterly impossible. You can't fake it. 80% of communication is non-verbal, whatever you are really thinking and feeling will show through because your body will betray you. Only SOCIOPATHS and people with PERSONALITY DISORDERS are able to do this. Its not a possibility for most people. And here I was still thinking (being aware that its nonsense), that somehow, someway, I would succeed at it. Basicaly, If I don't feel confidence, okay with myself, and relatively relaxed, I wont be successful with women. The times I did well were when I momentarily felt this way because I thought my "bs" was working. This goes to show I will have some occasional successes by cheating, but it wont work in the longrun. After all, it hasn't.
I get it. Theres nothing mysterious. I cant fake it. I have no business meeting ANYONE in that kind of a state.
i am socially phobic, what do you think agoraphobia is? haha.. if there were zero people in the world, i could run free outside of my house and do whatever i wanted without a care in the world, lol... oh to dream
anyway, i understand that one of your problems you struggle with is that you THINK you're defective and you have self confidence issues, i get it. that's what i'm saying...
me, being agoraphobic, i simply CANNOT go out to the club or ANYWHERE in public to even meet guys at all, and i can't even get out to go on dates with the guys i already know that have offered, so i WILL NOT have any relationships until i can overcome my fears and beat the agoraphobia...
i understand that, and i'm fine with it, i will HAVE to overcome my problems if i want to live a good life and find someone who loves me and blah blah.......though we have different problems, our outcome is the same, you must overcome all of your issues first, bud... you won't love yourself until you overcome it, DUH..
do you see what i'm saying? that's why i said quit worrying about other hoes and worry about yourself, get YOU right before you try to get involved with anyone else... and you think you can't be happy without women, well.. you'd still not be happy if you DID get laid and you STILL didn't like yourself.. ya know?
Hi Katie,
1. Yea maybe I don't want your phobia after all. It must burn you up knowing your beautiful and cool, and that you can't take advantage of it because of a stupid irrational, but all powerful fear.
2. Thanks for understanding where I am coming from.
3. Katie, you are absolutely right. Im ****ed until I get over these problems. Theres no hope until then. I have to focus all my energy 100% on beating SA, not on figuring out how to score pussy. I feel, however, that my problem is with me, so it seems rather hopeless. At least in your (horrible) case, you arent really defective. Katie is likeable and loveable, look how many date offers she gets. Its just she has a terrible phobia which she can overcome. But mine, Katie, I didnt even know it was a true phobia until a year ago. In my case, it seems suicide is the only option because im NOT fixable. You are.
I hope that doesnt seem arrogant, but IM being honest, and that's how it feels. Then again, youd probably like to smack me in the mouth because from your perspective Im making much adue about nothing. Am I correct?
4. If I were getting laid Id be a hell of a lot happier and feeling happier about myself. This is what its allways been like in the past. So yes, it does matter. However, you are right. I cant handle any "hoes" really. I'll just have to try and beat the SA, learn to be myself as I do, and take whatever girls actually come along as they do. No more obsessive girl-seeking.
Thanks.
agoraphobickatie
Well-known member
whew, thank the lord! haha... i'm glad you've had this catharsis! lol, i don't even know if i just used that word in the right context... phobologist, you'll be so much better off knowing this and believing that you just have to be yourself... perhaps the reason that first girl went to talk to the douche was because he truly was a douche, he was just being himself, and she might have just been turned off by your acting, she could have just preferred someone being them self (even if they were a douche) over someone who was trying too hard to be someone else... ya know?
good luck and best wishes, but always try to keep your head on straight and know that you should just be yourself at all times..
good luck and best wishes, but always try to keep your head on straight and know that you should just be yourself at all times..
danstelter
Well-known member
This is pretty good advice right here. Dating at bars/clubs is all about game playing and whatnot. If you want to pick up an honest and genuine partner, this is not the place to go. I have heard it said that there is the 1 in 10 rule, meaning that if you can successfully pick up 1 in 10 chicks, you are doing as good as any dating guru. But, keep in mind, this is only for those who are shallow, self centered, and looking at relationships as a means to sex, until they get tired of the person they are with.
You should be more focused on the fact that you actually went out and talked to two hot chicks in one night...even though you didn't end up with success. Great job on confronting your anxiety, but find a better place to look for a reliable partner like at volunteering activities or church, if you are religious.
Okay you are probably right. I feel a lot better now. I really appreciate all the support Im getting. I am getting help, I have been for 9 months. I actually have a session tomorrow.
whew, thank the lord! haha... i'm glad you've had this catharsis! lol, i don't even know if i just used that word in the right context... phobologist, you'll be so much better off knowing this and believing that you just have to be yourself... perhaps the reason that first girl went to talk to the douche was because he truly was a douche, he was just being himself, and she might have just been turned off by your acting, she could have just preferred someone being them self (even if they were a douche) over someone who was trying too hard to be someone else... ya know?
good luck and best wishes, but always try to keep your head on straight and know that you should just be yourself at all times..
The word of truth be praised!
Yea I absolutely agree. People prefer people who are being real, even if they are douchebags, to those who are seething with insecurity and trying to mask it. If you could watch a vidoe of me it would probably be painfull. Im sure I could even tell looking at myself as an observer!
I really do understand now. I need to get better. It has to be genuine. I have to be relaxed and have at least basic confidence. Otherwise im ****ed.
Ill try to keep my spirits up, but its hard ya know. :
:But, keep in mind, this is only for those who are shallow, self centered, and looking at relationships as a means to sex, until they get tired of the person they are with.
Uhhh...yea, that's me. Relationships can have a lot to them, but sex is the center. I wont be deterred from this. If I dont enjoy the girl, and shes not hot and freaky, I dont want her. If I cant have what I want im going to kill myself. Dont bother convincing me of anything else. Ive made up my mind.
Im afraid of meeting people in general and can only handle it for a few hours at a time. For that reason I dont have any activities I am involved in. I have no other way to meet girls, basically. Im not happy about just going out because Ive been doing this for something like 5 years. BIG DEAL! Then again, Im sick, so maybe I should be happy.
I have one advice for you. Please stop your threats about suicide every time something is against you. Life will be against you a lot of times. That happends for everyone .
Try to think of all the positive things you did. You did talk to girls, and one of them did come over to you to talk with you. Think about that, instead of thinking of all the negative.
"If I dont enjoy the girl, and shes not hot and freaky, I dont want her"
Even you have personal preferences in regards to a possible partner, then why cant the girl have that? You wrote that the guy "stole" the girl, as I can read, you were just talking to her. It is not like, now I am talking to her, then she is mine. It does not work that way. There is a huge difference in talking to people who are drunk and talking to sober people.
One of the most important things, I have learned, is that people normally use under 30 secs to get an impression on how you are as a person when they first meet you. And it is quite hard to change that. So giving a good first impression is very important.
Meggerz88
Well-known member
Okay, there are a few things I see wrong with this picture... You actually waited around outside to talk to girls? Were you trying to catch them before they left or as they were getting there?? Second, what did you actually hope to achieve by doing this? If you are looking to actually talk with and meet somebody that you might pursue a relationship, a club probably isn't the best place to do that (especially if you have SA). Try joining a club so you can talk to people with a common interest perhaps?? If you were looking to get laid, (which I personally have a problem with) the type of girls who would comply at a club would be looking for the kind of guy who would be looking for that at a club (which again is probably not somebody with SA). The drunk douche bag was probably that kind of guy. He made his intentions obvious and the girl went for it. I do not however promote that kind of behavoir. The best way to meet a girl isn't over sex. Sorry.
I have advice for you. Why dont you try walking in my shoes? I understand it frustrates you, but you dont understand my experience so I dont feel you should judge me. When I get upset enough I dont want to live. Deal with it.
Do you have social phobia? That stuff dosen't work. Ive tried.
What? Even me? Dude, every girl I have sex with has been cute, and a few of them have been down right hot. Thats not counting all the hot ass girls ive been on dates with or messed with and those who liked me at some point. I have standards, and I expect others to have them also. Thats why I felt so bad.
She wasn't drunk and neither was I. What's with all these assumptions? He "stole" her from me because he got involved in our conversation. I should have kicked his ass for being an obnoxious prick. He cockblocked me. No no.
Thats true, people form an impression in the first 30 seconds. But how is this supposed to help me give a good first impression?
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danstelter
Well-known member
So, you've had sex with multiple women and yet you are complaining about striking out on two random ones? I'm not quite understanding the dilemma here because if you've had sex with many women over the years, you've certainly dealt with your share of rejection. I guess that I'm having a hard time understanding what you are so upset about is all.
People hang around this club until the police make us leave. These girls were standing there having a smoke. I see now why it was pathetic and weird to do that, however.
I have no other way to meet hot girls. I can't handle most other circumstances because its too much pressure and theres guys around that make me nervous. If I had another way to meet hot women I would. I know that clubs and bars are a bad way.
WHat kinds of clubs could I join where the people arent all dorks? I like getting laid...theres nothing wrong with that. Ive taken girls home from clubs and parties before. Girls dont like guys with SA period, its not about sex, why are you making it about sex? Dont you realize the closer you want to get to them the worse the SA makes it? Please tell me why Ive had sex/head with 15 girls, hooked up with about 5 others, but never had any real relationships? Nothing has lasted more than a few weeks. SO that kind of shoots your theory down.
Id rather get some pussy than nothing at all. Id like a relationship, but sex DOES come first. For everyone else, and for me too. Im not budging on this point, I know its true from my own experience. Lets agree to disagree. The drunken douchebag was just that, a drunken douche. She didnt even like him, she thought he was a loser. She even insulted him, and ended up walking off without giving him her number. As it turned out, she was the club-manager's girlfriend.
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I was able to do that by acting like someone I really wasnt. When I got rejected I was convinced I was doing the "right" thing, so I didn't take it personally. But recently ive realized that my sa is probably causing my issues with girls, thats why I couldnt make relationships. It was allways one night stands, short flings, and failed hookups. Now that I realize what a complete fool ive been and how creepy, weird, and pathetic I must come accross, (because Im defective), any kind of rejection from women, even when Im acting, feels unbearable. Its just the same as rejection from potential friends, now. I hope that makes it clear.
agoraphobickatie
Well-known member
wow, man.. you were sounding so good, i wish you hadn't have replied to all these posts because now you just sound like a complete and utter douche bag... like i said from the start, get your attitude right.. there lies your problem, so start asking questions on how to be less of a pompous asshole instead of how to get ass (since you've obviously had your fair share being that you're so happy to brag about all the 'sex/head' you've scored. congratu-fuking-lations)... you're just confusing the hell out of everyone who is trying to understand and help you.
Hey dude, why are you attacking me? I am however, surprised that I am not devestated your assault. I have no clue why but at the moment I could care less what YOU think of me.
So check this out. I am nobody's bitch. I may be mentally ill, and my life sucks, and I think im defective and maybe I am. But I know who and what I would have been without this stupid illness. My attitude is ****ed, Im sure. I know I need a better attitude towards girls....but that doesnt mean YOUR attitude is the right one. In my experience people who have told me such things in the past were not particularly concerned with whether or not I got what I WANTED. They were concerned with whether or not I got what THEY wanted me to have. Also, Im not convinced anything they said makes sense...because the guys that had sucess seemed to do the opposite of what they were advocating. Now how do you explain that one?
You say Im bragging? What do you expect a man (not a pussy) to do, when someone puts him down by saying ..."EVEN YOU have standards". Loooooool.
See, I want to get laid. IM not confusing anyone, people are making assumptions which are not warranted. I apologize, however, because I should have realized this is human nature. I tried to explain, however you didnt care to read KATIE. I said I cant make relationships, and I have to try REDDDIIIICUUULLLLLOUUUSSSLLLY hard to get girls in bed. So it doesnt happen often. But if you think I am just some kind of complete sucker, (which Im sure you do) then you have another think coming. One day Im going to be well (that is if I dont off myself because I will not spend the rest of my life as a loser), and theres nothing anyone can do about it. Yea maybe Im supposed to be a pompous asshole. Whatever.
By the way, I went to the club last night and I was drunk and able to be myself for the first time in 9 years, at a club/party/bar. I have to say I really didnt care what people thought of me. I felt I could spill all my secrets and not give a ****. I had a great time.
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