Capsaicin
Well-known member
Do you ever feel like people might be really selfish in friendships? … Including the ones who think the world is full of dishonest, miserly, selfish people who can never meet their totally realistic standards for a human being?
Like…
In addition to the laundry list of what a friend should be, have they ever taken an inventory of what they offer a potential friend?
While thinking of all the ways in which someone can please them, understand them, and make them feel good, how often do they think about how they can please, understand, and make their friends feel good on their terms?
How often do they think about the kind of day their friends have had before they unleash their personal problems? Do they ever stop, notice their friend’s mood, and shift the TLC to them instead?
After complaining so heartily of their friends’ shortcomings, do they ever take the time to praise them?
Between all those complaints, assumptions, and criticisms, how often do they stop to think that someone who isn’t as emotionally supportive as they’d like isn’t a selfish asshole who thinks they can just use and lose them, but someone from a different background with different norms who can’t express themselves very well?
I know there are tons of genuinely terrible people out there. I’ve met them, too. But sometimes while I’m browsing forums (not only this one) I can’t possibly believe everything I’m hearing is a one-way interpersonal failure, especially when it occurs on a regular basis and people are varying between wildly naive and wildly paranoid. Anything less than perfection gets a vent on a forum and is something people *sigh* just have to make do with.
The last one especially is just agonizing to read. Everything about it screams, "I don't understand people." People sometimes even admit they don't understand people. Half the people I talk to in private online obviously don't understand people. And if they don't understand, how can they accurately judge when criticism and not compassion is needed?
Like…
In addition to the laundry list of what a friend should be, have they ever taken an inventory of what they offer a potential friend?
While thinking of all the ways in which someone can please them, understand them, and make them feel good, how often do they think about how they can please, understand, and make their friends feel good on their terms?
How often do they think about the kind of day their friends have had before they unleash their personal problems? Do they ever stop, notice their friend’s mood, and shift the TLC to them instead?
After complaining so heartily of their friends’ shortcomings, do they ever take the time to praise them?
Between all those complaints, assumptions, and criticisms, how often do they stop to think that someone who isn’t as emotionally supportive as they’d like isn’t a selfish asshole who thinks they can just use and lose them, but someone from a different background with different norms who can’t express themselves very well?
I know there are tons of genuinely terrible people out there. I’ve met them, too. But sometimes while I’m browsing forums (not only this one) I can’t possibly believe everything I’m hearing is a one-way interpersonal failure, especially when it occurs on a regular basis and people are varying between wildly naive and wildly paranoid. Anything less than perfection gets a vent on a forum and is something people *sigh* just have to make do with.
The last one especially is just agonizing to read. Everything about it screams, "I don't understand people." People sometimes even admit they don't understand people. Half the people I talk to in private online obviously don't understand people. And if they don't understand, how can they accurately judge when criticism and not compassion is needed?