kihira
1
Not sure that 30s would be catagorised as middle aged?? even 40s is pushing it :idontknow:
Everyone is having sex except me??
- Thread starter Depression4life
- Start date
Not sure that 30s would be catagorised as middle aged?? even 40s is pushing it :idontknow:
Bronson99
Well-known member
I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but it's quite a well-known and simple fact that for a guy to *actually write* his casual intentions in his profile... he simply has to be unusually good-looking. "Rugged, tall, and handsome" types can do this without batting an eyelash. But this will NOT work for the vast majority of men.
Most men would do far better to keep their intentions mysterious, and only say what they're looking for once several messages, at least, have been exchanged. You wouldn't be lying this way, either. Otherwise, it just doesn't work. This is really a very well established fact, by now.
Long-term relationships and social anxiety/introversion don't mix, for some people.
One needs a very high level of emotional sophistication to even approach the idea of a longterm relationship.
If one is hamstrung by social anxiety/insecurity (which usually causes delayed or immature emotional processing) then one probably has to stick with a simple, short-term approach to intimacy.
Bronson99
Well-known member
The desperation, of course, will never help him in this regard. I agree on that.
But I think he can do without the subtle moralizing. He's someone with a libido, just like most of us. For some, it's near the top of the pyramid, for others (yourself apparently) it's just some kind of "take it or leave it" kind of thing; almost an after-thought. But not for the OP. So it's our job to help him find what he wants (in a respectful way, of course.)
Kiwong
Well-known member
This thread brought up an unfortunate memory of this one hit wonder.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1f-HBQ3HdY
People are still having sex everyone except me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1f-HBQ3HdY
People are still having sex everyone except me.
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PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I disagree. There are plenty of people who have SA that find relationships.
Some people with SA simply need to come across the right person.. and they just 'click'.
SA isn't necessarily a death sentence for relationships.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
and how would one do that?:question:
Depression4life
Member
OKay I think you might have misunderstood me. I haven't got a "distorted view of relationships" . I know relationships are not only about sex. Its about love, having that special someone to share life with,etc..
The thing is I'm not only interested in sexual relationships I'm interested in love too whether it's a serious/long term relationship or a casual short term relationship. I even specify on dating sites that I'm not ONLY looking for sex. I'm looking for anything tbh whether its a life partner for a long term relationship or a FWB/one night stand.
However there doesnt seem to be any girl who wants to even DATE me let alone have sex with me!! I mean I've been asking lots of girls out ( not for sex) but to go out on a date to the cinema & they've all rejected me by either not replying ( on dating sites) or by bluntly responding woth a "no"
So explain to me why no girl wants to date/have a relationship with me?? And dont tell me the reason is cause I'm desperate. i've asked girls out when I WASN'T desperate yet its always the same outcome so I dont think desperation is the cause here
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Depression4life
Member
Lots of guys seem to go out & have sex with a different girl every week so why not me?? As for STD's if you gonna think like that you're never gonna have sex. I always use condoms anyway so its not an issue its irrevelant if she has STD's or not which is not something you gonna ask its personal
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Depression4life
Member
Yeah mature women seem to be less shallow/stuck up as teenage girls for instance.
I've tried grocery stores & tons of other places but I have the same problem its I never know what to say. I find it hard to interact with people. Being really shy,introverted, having SA & not speaking loud enough is probably why I've never had a real conversation with a stranger( or a women I dont know) IRL. I might have autism I don't think I do but I can't seem to interact with any girl/woman. And girls never talk to me first, they never make the first move & if they do the conversation ends with a few seconds & she ends up walking away
Maybe I could go to the beach to meet/to pick up women but knowing me I'd just be there lying down on my towel waiting for a girl to come talk to me which they never do so... how do you pick up a girl/woman at the beach if you got SA?? I mean what do you say to her??
I don't think there's a relation between the two. SA affects me more around new people, so its harder to get in the door so to speak, but there are some people I have trusted to know most everything and have opened up to. They're mostly not in my life anymore but that's another story and not related to SA...
Bronson99
Well-known member
Certainly possible. But it's been my own experience that a genuine relationship requires things outside my functional ability. Of course, I wouldn't know for sure unless/until I come to that bridge.. only then would I would see how it is to cross it.
Also keep in mind I have other things besides SA that are more "innate" with my neurology. ADD and some traits of Asperger's.. these are both developmental issues, which significantly impair emotional processing and of course executive functioning. So it's really no wonder that short-term solutions are quite appealing to me.. it's written into my own brand of neurological stew. Yay.
I've often thought most with SA have other underlying disorders such as the aforementioned, and might have some difficulty with basic emotional processing and functional ability, but perhaps that's a bit short-sighted.
Bronson99
Well-known member
Good point. Why *not* you?
BlueDays
1
^Totally agree with this. Although I know it is easier said than done.
Except the part about trying to meet a woman at health clubs and gyms. Women are there to exercise, not be picked up.
I agree with others who have said that bars/clubs are very competitive.
For someone with issues like SA, your setting yourself up for disappointment in an environment like that.
Have you thought of joining some hobby groups? Do you have any hobbies that you could join a group/organisation where you could meet girls with the same interest/hobby?. Then it might be easier to start a conversation if it is about what you are both doing there at the hobby group.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Yea when I re-read what I typed there, it sounds like I've come across as gyms are the place to go to hit on women. That is certainly not what I meant.
I worked as an exercise instructor for 8 years. In my time there I realized that a lot of women WILL indeed chat in a friendly, non committal way. Women love to chat.
If you see the same women there, smile and say a friendly hi (without pestering them) it's entirely possible to eventually have regular chats whilst working out. This is the basis for ANY friendship - you have to talk to people.
Now.. if you go in with the intention of 'oh yea, i wanna nail this chick..'
Then women will pick up on that. Women aren't stupid in that sense.
Go in with the intention of being friendly, nothing more.
Luckylife
Well-known member
Don't you see? That's just it, you are looking for an answer that nobody knows. If there was an answer to it then we'd just dial it up - wear this, wear that, say that and that and voila - a relationship! Experience tells us time and again that life isn't like that. In short, I can't say why you aren't having any joy on dating - no one can.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
LOL!:bigsmile:
I was thinking more of a series of test's and inspections?... :thinking: