I'd be more worried by the fact that I don't have a girlfriend which will make me feel less lonely and depressed if I had someone to be with, and then with what you get sex also, maybe. So maybe you should try to do something to get a girlfriend and not focus on having sex with a girl you just meet at a nightclub if it isn't working for you, but you should do what you want.
Everyone is having sex except me??
- Thread starter Depression4life
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AlienGeranium
Well-known member
I think I understand your mentality, correct me if I'm wrong though. What bothers you is, to put it vaguely, that you're not getting the same experiences as everyone else. In your eyes, everyone goes out every weekend, and either goes to a bar to find a one night stand, or is ****ing their significant other until the sun comes up, or a FWB. This is something some people do, sex is a part of people's lives, but not nearly as much as you might give it credit for.
As far as fitting in, and experiencing life the same way everyone else does, going to bars and clubs and hooking up is not necessary to be "like everyone else." Again, for some people this is a major part of their life, and if it's something you want to incorporate into your life, that's completely ok too. But you shouldn't feel like you MUST in order to fit in.
If I can give you any advice though, it would be to either change your approach, or your mentality. If hooking up at bars something you really want, learn other approaches to improve your chances. Or, what I would recommend, try to change your mentality about what you want. You may find going out on dates with girls you met on a dating site to be more enjoyable than spending the night dancing to ear piecing music. Or something else completely. Just don't limit yourself to doing one thing one way in order to be happy. Everyone is different, and thus is not doing the exact same thing every weekend. Good luck :thumbup:
As far as fitting in, and experiencing life the same way everyone else does, going to bars and clubs and hooking up is not necessary to be "like everyone else." Again, for some people this is a major part of their life, and if it's something you want to incorporate into your life, that's completely ok too. But you shouldn't feel like you MUST in order to fit in.
If I can give you any advice though, it would be to either change your approach, or your mentality. If hooking up at bars something you really want, learn other approaches to improve your chances. Or, what I would recommend, try to change your mentality about what you want. You may find going out on dates with girls you met on a dating site to be more enjoyable than spending the night dancing to ear piecing music. Or something else completely. Just don't limit yourself to doing one thing one way in order to be happy. Everyone is different, and thus is not doing the exact same thing every weekend. Good luck :thumbup:
Opaline
1
Good post.
Bronson99
Well-known member
Must've read you wrong the first time, because this is very much what I'm getting at.
Yes, and that brings us to the next issue. What are good places to find women he could connect with.. if it's not going to be bars/clubs?
kihira
1
well, now you know the secret location *sshh*
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
wow thats a personal question lol! But... *raises hand* :thumbup::greeting:
Suffice to say; no.
Last time was about three to four years before this thread was posted, if that makes anyone feel any better. ;P
S_Spartan
Well-known member
Everywhere and nowhere. If a dude is above average attractive then just about everywhere is a good place to meet women. If a dude is average or below average then he must rely on luck, right place, right time.
My advice would be to cast a wide net. Talk to girls online AND IRL wherever you are, as much as you can. Everywhere you get the chance.
Learn the art of rejection and apply the "Fight Club" mentality to actually go in with the intention of getting rejected.
Taming the negative emotions that rejection can bring can actually help you all around in life.
Oh, and get good at spotting the ring so you don't waste your time on women who are already "taken".
Consider buying a ring if you decide to have an affair with a married woman if you decide to, ahem, go dark. (I don't necessarily advise this...lol)
Bronson99
Well-known member
What's the big hubbub about this "sex" thing..? It's not as if it's a basic need or anything. Not to mention, if one is actively seeking a sex partner, he/she has his priorities wrong. Seeking these things out is a selfish thing.. it's an excellent pursuit *only* if you want the habit of objectifying the opposite sex and disregarding anything besides one's own base desires.
Love and romance first; sex is mostly needless, and should only happen with commitment. Even then it's probably a little selfish even, and should be avoided in the name of discipline.
..that said, I'll go sit in the corner, wearing a devilish grin :bigsmile:
Love and romance first; sex is mostly needless, and should only happen with commitment. Even then it's probably a little selfish even, and should be avoided in the name of discipline.
..that said, I'll go sit in the corner, wearing a devilish grin :bigsmile:
Bronson99
Well-known member
So I won't be sarcastic in this post, haha.
I just wanted to add the emphasis should really be on talking/meeting women in real life. With the online stuff, I think it just too often leads to one banging his head against the wall.. did I type the right thing? Did I use the wrong word? Did I have a stiff posture in my profile photo? etc. etc.
My impression is that the spontaneity of real life helps to prevent this chronic over-analysis that happens with online interactions.
I might be wrong, but I just thought I'd throw that out there anyway.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I agree. Online can fall into the trap of over analysis and people 'making perfect pictures' in their heads with what information is given to them.
In real life you just have to be yourself. Sure, you'll get rejected. Probably many times. But Out of say.. 10 girls you talk to, maybe just one will like you as a person. That has to be the starting point of ANY relationship.
Depression4life
Member
I agree it's much harder for us men than for women. A girkl can have sex whenever she wants if she asks a guy for sex the guy will most likely say yes cause most guys wanna get laid!!
A guy can't have sex when he wants, most of the time if he asks a girl if she wantsz to have sex most girls would say no & he'd get rejected unless the guy's above average in looks
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Depression4life
Member
I can't afford escorts I on a low income ( unemployment benefits). Intercourse with an escort around here is 100 euros minimum!! *******s are like 60 euros. It just seems unfair that guys like me can't get laid anywhere so we need escorts?? Wheras for some guys they get laid all the time whether's it's at a bar/party,etc
And I live in the South of France it's like 34°C I sweat when I'm sitting at home with the ventilator on so going to the gym in this weather is defo a no no. Besides I don't think girls like getting approached at gyms when they're working out
Depression4life
Member
I'm below average in looks & I'm quite short so it's harder for me I suppose...
I've tried online dating for a loooong time (several years) I've sent like 1000's of message ( asking to get to know eachother & to go out on a date afterwards) to 100's of girls with 1 or 2 replies only!!
I was gonna ask the same question as Bronson99 as to where to meet girls/women besides bars/nightclubs??
I've been rejected many times online & at nightclubs/bars so I think I'm gonna try & date mature women in their 30's or 40's cause they're more likely to date/have sex with me then immature teenage girls. But I'm clueless as to where to meet mature women??
I've thought about going to pubs instead of clubs since mature women dont go to nightclubs. I could go to church but it's on Sunday Morning & I dont go out on Sundays usually cause I'm tired from going out the night before...
I have hobbies: rock climbing,ping pong, shooting range, snooker, darts but some are too expensive & I'm on unemployment benfits so I cant really afford to paying a membership fee. Besides I dont think I'd meet many mature women at those places tbh
So where can I go to meet middle aged women in their 30's & 40's??
Luckylife
Well-known member
I must say that the apparent desperation you communicate could be misconstrued as being of quite sordid intent. The trouble here is that you have a distorted view about relationships, in that, you assume the first event of any new relationship - will be sex. This can be very hurtful to a prospective partner and I guess would also make you appear to be overtly aggressive and predatory to the opposite sex.
You will have far more promise if you first gain employment, this will place you within the company of women and you will quickly appreciate that they are soft, sensitive and caring. If you relentlessly chase after this experience without any regard to personality or status, you might catch an STD and they are no joke.
I don't place sex all that highly when it comes to envisioning a relationship, it is very physical fun and ecstacy isn't guaranteed. When I meet people for the first time sex isn't on my mind at all, I think about the other aspects of their life, and how I would fit in. The sex bit - well? That's up to them - when they want to.
You will have far more promise if you first gain employment, this will place you within the company of women and you will quickly appreciate that they are soft, sensitive and caring. If you relentlessly chase after this experience without any regard to personality or status, you might catch an STD and they are no joke.
I don't place sex all that highly when it comes to envisioning a relationship, it is very physical fun and ecstacy isn't guaranteed. When I meet people for the first time sex isn't on my mind at all, I think about the other aspects of their life, and how I would fit in. The sex bit - well? That's up to them - when they want to.
ScaredToBreathe
Well-known member
If you're just looking to have sex, why don't you join a free online dating/meeting site and state that what you're looking for is casual sex, FWB, maybe something more, etc? There are lots of people that are single and might just want to hook up with someone. I would stay away from clubs because you might run into trouble and if a girl happens to be drunk or on drugs or just doesn't know what she's getting into it could turn into being turned down, doing something you regret, getting an STD, or being blamed for rape/assault. It is best to just put it out there what you're looking for so you can find another consenting adult and plan to meet or go out.
Some advice: Sex is best when it's with someone you truly love and care about and who loves and cares about you. Yes, it feels good, but if you ever want a serious relationship and find the one that makes you feel so happy to be around and that person is the only one you want to get intimate with, you will probably look back at that one night stand or any hook-ups and think "what the heck was I thinking? I should have waited for someone like this who means everything to me and I want to give my all to." It may seem worth it right now just to have sex, but trust me, it will be way more worth it to be patient to find someone you enjoy to be with and have intimacy. It may seem like it will never happen, but people often fall in love when they least expect it and are not even looking for it.
Some advice: Sex is best when it's with someone you truly love and care about and who loves and cares about you. Yes, it feels good, but if you ever want a serious relationship and find the one that makes you feel so happy to be around and that person is the only one you want to get intimate with, you will probably look back at that one night stand or any hook-ups and think "what the heck was I thinking? I should have waited for someone like this who means everything to me and I want to give my all to." It may seem worth it right now just to have sex, but trust me, it will be way more worth it to be patient to find someone you enjoy to be with and have intimacy. It may seem like it will never happen, but people often fall in love when they least expect it and are not even looking for it.
S_Spartan
Well-known member
I was actually going to suggest looking for women in their late 30s and early to mid 40s. They seem to hit a sexual peak around those ages.
I have no idea where to meet them except an old cliche like grocery stores.
Probably lots of single mom's at kids soccer games but that would be a little creepy a single guy hanging around there. lol