Everybody feels "off"

[EscapeArtist]

Yeah, It's about time I post another rant.
I haven't posted one in awhile...

I can't stand people. What do I mean by this? If they don't understand me, I feel even more alone around somebody. Most people do not understand me. And most of the time.. It's just a matter of being on a completely different page than everybody else.

My mother often says "Well, you can't find somebody exactly like you", and I wonder if that is what I am looking for, even though I hate myself more than most other people. I would hate to find somebody just like me, yikes!!! That would be the worst case scenario. I just don't know if I'll ever meet somebody who feels.. on the same page, the same planet I'm on, the same zone.

I don't know how to describe it.. I am around somebody and they just seem... in their own world. In their own world... And they all converse like they don't realize this. I'm sure I am too, in my own world, to an even larger extent! But I can't take the unfamiliarity of their world. It feels too... unfamiliar. It feels... maybe even, too completed, as if I am unneeded. Or maybe, too different, too different from my own.. Intimidatingly so? It feels like... two minds kept apart by an invisible brick wall. Never on that same level. God, I wish I could explain it more than that.. Somebody help me here? Do you understand?

I keep praying this "being on the same page" thing will solve itself when I find somebody who sees life in a SIMILAR, not same, light as me. Who has similar interests, basically.... This all sounds so obvious, of course, it's a simple feeling, but simplicity takes awhile for me. I have just realized it now.

 

[Confuseddd]

I feel partly the same, i feel fake.
When i am in social situations i too feel like if i acted like myself then no one would understand me and they would leave. So i throw on a smile and try to laugh. Most of the time i am depressed in social situations because i feel so abstract in comparison to other people. I feel like im different from them, because i think about things. Because i think too much , maybe? I have a deep emptiness in me that i dont know how to fill. I have one person in my life who truely understands me, but i still cant tell him everything.
I cant tell him what my thoughts truely are, how much im really depressed. I dont know what i want, but i wonder if this gigantic... empty i feel , is something common with us.

 

[hoddesdon]

Do you mean that you feel alienated from your environment?

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Whenever I am feeling really negative and lonely about myself, I always remember that there are billions of people in the world. There are bound to be a few just like me. It's absolutely impossible that there is no one else like me, it's impossible that I will never find someone to relate to.

I went to a 4th of July BBQ with my mom and some of her Co-workers. Everyone was super nice and they all absolutely love my mom. They are her good friends, it may only be a handful of people and she may not have a lot of luck meeting people (aside from older age) but these people, accept her and love her for who she is. You just have to find those people or that person. Everyone fits in somewhere, it's just not always the norm.

There are definitely people out there who share your feelings and beliefs on things, some people just have to look a little harder than others.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Hodd, I think that's a part of it... It's more when people speak about their lives, I feel something about them. Specifically in the SA meetup group I went to. Even though everything they say I should relate to, I don't feel it, I don't see a connection. It is as if I am not there, Man it's a hard feeling to explain... It is starting to sound like a feeling of alienation, but I feel there is something more there.. can't explain

 

[vj288]

I don't really have any answers for you but can say a lot of the time I feel on the same page as you, or at least think I do maybe I'm not. I don't ever think people, are ever on the same page as me but I think that is mostly my fault. If I hide the page number how are they supposed to follow along, you know?

It seems like you're getting at not understanding someone maybe a little? Not being able to see where they're coming from, their "world." I don't think you're intimidated by the other persons world, but by the fact that you just aren't getting their world necessarily may be intimidating.

I'm not sure, I may be way off. I've been way off lately, so I wouldn't be surprised.

 

[EscapeArtist]

VJ maybe that's just it. I feel, a lot of the time, on the 'same page' as you as well.
But it is very different from feeling that way in the real life presence of somebody.
Maybe I'm just SO acclimatized to internet talk that the very image of a human being speaking is unfamiliar to me, and I feel distant, as if that's not what I am, either? I have spoken much more online than I ever have in real life. I have stopped seeing people as what they really are. Idk! It's a cold and distant feeling. I think it is alienation. And, I think it could be a defense mechanism. It happened especially at the SA meeting, which is as close as relating to anybody well as I have ever gotten. (That meeting, and this feeling, is what scared me into more extreme reclusiveness than before) I think maybe I was afraid to see that I am like other people. errrrr.. like a "no, that can't be how I am..." becuase you can't feel what somebody else is feeling. Rather than just see the result of that feeling. ... idk! This doesn't sound spot on either

 

[JamesSmith]

Everybody feels "off" because most of these people are different than you are. I know what it's like to be the outsider of a group, I was almost always the outcast in my group of friends. I don't really see how these people would be on the same page as us, they don't have Social Anxiety Disorder so it's tough to for them to understand us. There are people out there without SAD that understand us though. The problem is they aren't always around.

I thought the most interesting part of your post is that you say you feel unneeded. I felt that way too, I would look around at people in the room and it was as if I wasn't even there and was just taking up space. I knew if I left, maybe things would function more smoothly because the quiet kid wasn't around to make people feel awkward. I guess that brings me to the question, are we needed? I left my group of friends and I know they all moved on with their lives okay. I don't matter to them. So it's all about self-satisfaction for ourselves. The only reason I'd have for hanging out with friends is so I have someone to be around, because I feel like I don't matter to them, because they function fine when I'm gone. It's so depressing to think about that. We aren't needed. So what's the point of me even being alive? I guess all that matters is me being happy, but I feel so alone. I'm confused like you are, I'm not sure what to do. When I hang out with people i feel bad, and when i'm alone i feel bad.