Ever felt that you aren't yourself?

[Duncan92]

I seem to go in cycle's of not feeling like I am actually myself. I think it is a denial issue that causes this. Lately I've gotten better with this. I also think its been a confidence issue; being unable to decide on doing something for myself because I want to. I hate feeling out of control of my own life.

Anyone else feel that many of their life decisions, even just day to day, are based on what others will think?

 

[Phoenixx]

I definitely relate to this so much. I'm constantly worried about what other people think. Depending on the situation, I usually make decisions that are "safe," I hardly ever take risks out of fear of looking stupid, embarrassing myself, or even upsetting someone.

 

[Duncan92]

I definitely relate to this so much. I'm constantly worried about what other people think. Depending on the situation, I usually make decisions that are "safe," I hardly ever take risks out of fear of looking stupid, embarrassing myself, or even upsetting someone.

It sucks, like thinking of something clever, or a witty reply but not saying it because of all the attention that will be drawn to you. I've sometimes said something and been really surprised, even excited that the other person has laughed. I really identify with the fear of hurting someone (also annoying someone) It's like fearing that something you say may make this person not like you or think you are arrogant and disrespectful.

 

[Phoenixx]

It sucks, like thinking of something clever, or a witty reply but not saying it because of all the attention that will be drawn to you. I've sometimes said something and been really surprised, even excited that the other person has laughed. I really identify with the fear of hurting someone (also annoying someone) It's like fearing that something you say may make this person not like you or think you are arrogant and disrespectful.

^ Exactly! I'm really good at thinking of clever and witty things, I just always bite my tongue because I don't want to be the center of attention, and I'm afraid I might offend them in some way.

I save my witty comments for my family and friends.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Oh, yes. I've always been a people pleaser.
I tend to do things for everyone else before I think of doing something for myself-- to the point that I don't even know what I want to do; if I'm pretending to be selfish for a moment- I just can't.

I have no idea what I like or dislike anymore... who I am, what I want to do; no idea.
I have no sense of self and no confidence whatsoever.

 

[Duncan92]

Oh, yes. I've always been a people pleaser.
I tend to do things for everyone else before I think of doing something for myself-- to the point that I don't even know what I want to do; if I'm pretending to be selfish for a moment- I just can't.

I have no idea what I like or dislike anymore... who I am, what I want to do; no idea.
I have no sense of self and no confidence whatsoever.

Trust me I've had this exact feeling. All I end up doing is going with the flow and agreeing to what everyone is saying to me. I become this little child that looks up to everyone else and whatever they are doing must be right. It's so hard to stand up for ourselves! Just try and make decisions because you want to, we can't please everyone in this world.

 

[Duncan92]

The truth is...people will respect you more if you just be yourself and stand up for yourself. No one is going to get mad at you if you have an opinion different than theirs...unless that person is close minded.

I don't have a problem saying how I really feel about something. I do tend to stay away from politics and religion because it can be so polarizing...but even I break that rule sometimes.

Last year my boss made a decision that I didn't think was right or fair. I could have said, "Oh well, he's my boss, what can I do?" But instead, I wrote him an email, in which I disagreed with his decision and told him why. I could tell he respected me for it and he changed his mind and revised his policy. I also got a bit of a merit raise later on. On a side note, I read an article that stated "people pleasers" on average don't make as much money as their more opinionated coworkers.

I should also point out that it can be hard to be around people who never voice their opinions because you never know what they are thinking. You never know if they really agree with you or if they are agreeing with you for the sake of harmony.

Speak up...it feels good! You deserve to have an opinion just as much as anyone else in the world.

Thanks for the insight , couldn't agree more. Never thought about it from the the perspective in your second last paragraph; I get how uncormfortable it makes you when you are unsure of where you stand with somebody.