Qurion2
Member
Well... please forgive me if this is short, or stupid, becouse i usually prefer not to x.x it feels like presenting myself to others :/
Identity
Name: Amalia
Age: 18
Gender: fem
Type of social anxiesty: Neurosis, avoiding, hidden and very strictly controlled emotions until something breaks this mechanism temporarely
Hmm, iam not sure what is there to tell, at least not something i can freely share, i seem to be emotionally very sensitive, becouse very small things are capable of breaking me down, while i difference reality and virtuality. Iam currently in a relationship with a not handsome looking but nice and inteligent guy with the name Ivan, he is spanish, he loves me a lot. More then i could have expected. It is only a Online Relationship becouse iam afraid that he wouldnt like me irl, but iam not sure if that is irrational fear or rational. And of course it is my bad experience with humans :/ i cant bring myself to believe that there is a single "good" human, more specific, i cant believe there is a "good" guy, even thou ivan should be evidence enough that iam wrong. I usually get acquinted with women much better then with men. It seems that my brain reached a point where i cant give a completly true answer, or that iam too smart for my own good, i dont know that anymore but i do trap it beeing... straight sometimes, yeah i think that is the right word? i mean that it only "follows one street" often, it cant see more then that
i stress my brain constantly by expecting from it to give a 100% true answer, which couses it to do mistakes or to lack in language, or to not recognise trolls and other... special people
my body is as far as i noticed constantly shaking, but it doesnt matter, i might be a mess but its who iam right now, more doesnt matter, i will change and adapt and adjust any problems that i encounter in my self
iam atm in therapy and it helps me to understand things about socialising, things and emotions about me which i didnt understood
today my brain wasnt at its best, so i did mistakes and wrong brain processing due to something that was going on irl x.x but usually it is enough to sleep one night over it to calm down. I havnt found any other way to calm down, distracting doesnt help, thinking about other things doesnt help x.x (oh, thats something i could ask my therapist ><) i even just called my bf just a "friend" x.x shame on me :/
i would like to continue on my empire in endless space today, but i cant calm down enough to focus on it, my body just doesnt want to settle down, breathing and other things dont help, so iam going trough topics, threads, search for useless things and blaaaaah x.x
this was more text then expected :/ and that could be a site in a diary x.x meeeh :
:
Identity
Name: Amalia
Age: 18
Gender: fem
Type of social anxiesty: Neurosis, avoiding, hidden and very strictly controlled emotions until something breaks this mechanism temporarely
Hmm, iam not sure what is there to tell, at least not something i can freely share, i seem to be emotionally very sensitive, becouse very small things are capable of breaking me down, while i difference reality and virtuality. Iam currently in a relationship with a not handsome looking but nice and inteligent guy with the name Ivan, he is spanish, he loves me a lot. More then i could have expected. It is only a Online Relationship becouse iam afraid that he wouldnt like me irl, but iam not sure if that is irrational fear or rational. And of course it is my bad experience with humans :/ i cant bring myself to believe that there is a single "good" human, more specific, i cant believe there is a "good" guy, even thou ivan should be evidence enough that iam wrong. I usually get acquinted with women much better then with men. It seems that my brain reached a point where i cant give a completly true answer, or that iam too smart for my own good, i dont know that anymore but i do trap it beeing... straight sometimes, yeah i think that is the right word? i mean that it only "follows one street" often, it cant see more then that
i stress my brain constantly by expecting from it to give a 100% true answer, which couses it to do mistakes or to lack in language, or to not recognise trolls and other... special people
my body is as far as i noticed constantly shaking, but it doesnt matter, i might be a mess but its who iam right now, more doesnt matter, i will change and adapt and adjust any problems that i encounter in my self
iam atm in therapy and it helps me to understand things about socialising, things and emotions about me which i didnt understood
today my brain wasnt at its best, so i did mistakes and wrong brain processing due to something that was going on irl x.x but usually it is enough to sleep one night over it to calm down. I havnt found any other way to calm down, distracting doesnt help, thinking about other things doesnt help x.x (oh, thats something i could ask my therapist ><) i even just called my bf just a "friend" x.x shame on me :/
i would like to continue on my empire in endless space today, but i cant calm down enough to focus on it, my body just doesnt want to settle down, breathing and other things dont help, so iam going trough topics, threads, search for useless things and blaaaaah x.x
this was more text then expected :/ and that could be a site in a diary x.x meeeh :
:
