Dreading Party

[Snowdrop]

I have to go to a party, meaning every social anxiety/phobia sufferer's worst nightmare. I'm not really sure what I'm expecting as an answer to this thread but I thought I might feel better just venting. Sorry this is going to be really long and if u don't read it all I'll understand.

It's a friend's 19th, not exactly close as we only met beginning September - she's the complete opposite to me; loud, outgoing, open, goes out partying most nights and holds a lot of parties because she's quite loaded. She's invited most people in our class I believe and some I don't know from her home town.
I feel like it's going to be absolutely horrible, even though I know it shouldn't be, it's a party I should be having fun celebrating HER day.

I can't get out of going as I'm officially 'part' of the group we hang out in at college. Besides, it's not like I can keep refusing to come to her parties, it'll seem like I don't like her.
Thing is, surprisingly or not I haven't been to a proper 'adult' party before with alcohol, clubbing etc. I have NOT a clue how to dance and not look like an idiot with total lack of social skills, I don't know what I'm going to talk about with people especially if they're strangers. I don't really want to get drunk because I'm scared of what might happen. I don't know what. But I'm going to be excluded because everyone else will.

Is it weird that I seem to be the only one who doesn't want to drink? I'm not even sure myself why, I just feel so immature and inexperienced. I seem to have a conflicting of emotions: one part feels like she has to drink just so I won't feel excluded and isolated, and the other part is scared stiff of drinking coz I don't see the fun in becoming so intoxicated I'll act even more of an idiot and for some reason I feel some strong sense of MORALITY like it's somehow wrong to get drunk, why is that? Maybe coz I'm stuck in my past, feeling like I've changed so much I've missed out on actually 'growing up' and I feel like I'm not ready for it yet but that just sounds stupid.
How can I go through with this without feeling so horrible? Sorry I'm viewing everything in black at the moment because I'm feeling very negative

 

[DanFC]

Just say you are a recovering alcoholic XD But in complete honesty, yes, where I am it's a little weird to not want to drink. But then again we are consistently near the top of the charts for party schools, so I don't know if that's how it is elsewhere. I know it's not weird around here to be inexperienced, as long as you are open to the idea of drinking.

 

[Snowdrop]

Just say you are a recovering alcoholic XD But in complete honesty, yes, where I am it's a little weird to not want to drink. But then again we are consistently near the top of the charts for party schools, so I don't know if that's how it is elsewhere. I know it's not weird around here to be inexperienced, as long as you are open to the idea of drinking.

I am open(ish) it's just don't understand why it freaks me out so much. It's not like drinking is a bad thing, as long as u don't drink every day of the week. Maybe it's simply that I feel pressured into growing up with everyone else changing around me but I don't want to because I want everything to be how it was like ages ago. I mean, I'm almost certain that if I never became depressed or developed social anxiety then yes, I would drink and go out clubbing with friends and be having the time of my life, not caring about any of that.
But I'm just trying to work out why it scares me so much now. Feel pretty pathetic really.
Oh, and recovering alcholic lol hmm not sure about that xD

 

[mmmm]

I never drink when I go out. Most people are cool about it but if they aren't, I tell them I get really aggressive or depressed or something when I drink and they usually buy it. I hate feeling drunk. And hey, when you don't drink, within the hour you're the best dancer in the room! Promise. You just have to plan your clothes and you'll be fine.

 

[DanFC]

Your friends then may be understanding. When I was part of a "group" and there was a girl who didn't know anything about drinking, everyone else kind of joked about it but they laughed with her about it too. I think, maybe, you should channel your anxiety into laughter and try to joke around with everybody that you're nervous about drinking?

 

[Snowdrop]

I guess so... for some reason I just have this horrid situation already envisioned in my mind, like I'm going to be the only one not drunk and happy, the only one who can't really dance properly, the only one not socialising. But I probably will, force myself, because I don't want to be any of those things.
And above everything else, I fear people judging me because of it.
I guess, I just have to let go and try to enjoy it. That's what parties are for after all. I know it isn't meant to be a big deal at all, but at the moment I'm dreading it. :/

 

[kihira]

The idea of drinking alcohol to get drunk being socially acceptable seems to be getting worse. Over drinking can lead to vomiting, violence, loss of bladder/bowel control, dangerous behaviour, embarrassment. So you are quite ok feeling worried about it. The best use of alcohol is to pace it so that you feel relaxed enough to socialise, but still in complete control.

 

[Lord Baltimore]

I guess so... for some reason I just have this horrid situation already envisioned in my mind, like I'm going to be the only one not drunk and happy, the only one who can't really dance properly, the only one not socialising. But I probably will, force myself, because I don't want to be any of those things.
And above everything else, I fear people judging me because of it.
I guess, I just have to let go and try to enjoy it. That's what parties are for after all. I know it isn't meant to be a big deal at all, but at the moment I'm dreading it. :/

i went to a party last weekend and some guy puked all over the deck and laid there like a slug for the rest of the night. Would you rather be that guy?? I don't drink when i go out and i usually get some "goody two shoes" comments but i try not to let it bother me

 

[Snowdrop]

I've sort of lied and said I don't like the taste of alcohol so i won't be drinking any. It's not too far from the truth as i've tasted beer and wine before and didn't particularly like it, but I know people will try to persuade me to drink alternatives (bacardi breezer) anyway...
Just incase I do end up getting those goody two shoes comments..what could i say back to them?

 

[kihira]

On medication? gives me migraines? If you have a soft drink that looks like its not, then people wont bother you.

 

[PunkRotten]

You don't need to drink, and dance or any other stupid ****. Just be yourself. Don't worry about what to talk about. If someone approaches you and asks you something, just answer. Life is not on a script.

 

[Fighter86]

I've sort of lied and said I don't like the taste of alcohol so i won't be drinking any. It's not too far from the truth as i've tasted beer and wine before and didn't particularly like it, but I know people will try to persuade me to drink alternatives (bacardi breezer) anyway...
Just incase I do end up getting those goody two shoes comments..what could i say back to them?

Bacardi breezer is quite nice actually, its doesn't taste like alcohol, more like a nice frizzy drink which comes in different flavours. You can have drinks along this line if you don't like beer or alcohol, or if you prefer not to drink, its alright to just say so I guess, make like a joke out of it, like DanFC said, I'm sure they would be cool with it, if not, they would not even ask you to hang out with them in the first place, they already see you as a friend.

 

[Snowdrop]

Thank you for the answers everybody...
I guess it wouldn't be so bad. It's just, with SA, I feel really really apprehensive about going to any kind of club or bar. I'd feel intimidated by the people who work there, because they know what they're doing, they're used to the clubbing, socializing kind of environment. Same as my other friends.
I'm the only one really who hasn't been to one before, because depression and social phobia anxiety whatever has dragged me down.
It's just that they've got so much experience, with drinking, boys, socializing and everything, I feel really intimidated, and just like I'm not ready or something.
Most of the time, I just really want to creep back into my hole, in my room or something and, well, be on SPW lol because I'll feel safe and comfortable and not out in the world that's left me behind.
I know that that doesn't help me in ANYTHING though, and I just have to grow up and go out.

 

[Hastings & Main]

phocas had it straight. Use it in moderation, to a comfortable level and ride that. Most people aren't socially perfect and alcohol is the social lubricant that sets the wheels rolling for many of us.
Unfortunately, if you're not a drinker, then you don't know where this limit is, when it's time to ease back and coast. Everyone goes through the "woops, passed the stop sign a few miles back, damn..." and do stupid stuff, usually just passing out in the corner of a sofa or acting like a kid. It's just how to learn your limit.

Another way around it is the dumping-your-drink trick (potted plant, sink, toilet etc) and acting like you've had a few, but obviously for the SA that's already not going to happen, requiring a bit of pretending in a large group.
Say you're the designated driver?
Personally, I didn't like the taste of beer til the micro-brews started up and I tried them, and that was in my late-20's, and didn't enjoy the harder stuff til way later. So yeah, not too many parties I got invited to in high school.

 

[JosephG]

I don't like drinking so much although I did get pretty drunk on the weekend which I highly regret - It left me on a terrible downer the next day. But when I don't drink people don't really seem to notice or care - they are usually too bothered about getting themselves as drunk as possible. If someone does ask I simply say that I'm not drinking because I'm not in the mood and that sometimes I prefer to have fun without drinking. (although I probably won't have fun either way as I will be crammed in a room full of people). This always works for me. People just accept it. Maybe you could try that? I can't see their being a massive pressure to drink but maybe there isn't a greater pressure within my social circle...