Don't know what to do!!!! :(

[friendchen]

I got this phobia of talking to strangers especially with phone conversation. But I don't mind it much as I haven't got any strangers to talk with. But lately, I've been chatting with a guy online and several times he tried to talk to me. Well for me he's not just a guy, he's my only friend I got both online and in real life. He has been the only person I can talk to about my intimate things which even my siblings and my parents don't know. I typed to him about my everything. He means to me more than anyone but I'm afraid to talk to him. I've tried but I can't. And during lately, I tried to stay away from him as I was becoming more and more afraid of my relationship with him. I have this doubt that he actually doesn't care about me. I'm really afraid that I would become a joke that I tried to stay away. And the last time he tried to talk to me, I refused. Well.. worse than that.. I tried to get words out of my throat but nothing came out. Instead I felt really negative that I swore at him "**** on you". Well he didn't angry and he continued to chat with me. But after I've stayed away from him by not coming online,, now he seldom chats with me. Now I'm realized that I really need him but he stops chatting with me. Now about minutes ago, I took all my courage and called him twice and I was refused twice. Now I think I have nothing to do except to let him go and go back to my own normal dark life. He's the only one who can brighten up my day .

 

[Eam]

I really think you should tell him why you've been distancing yourself from him before it's too late. He's probably feeling a bit hurt about being shunned, but if you tell him that it had nothing to do with him - and instead was just your anxiety then you can hopefully move forward instead of backwards. Surely this is a case of what have you got to lose?

 

[ありがとう]

You just made a slight mistake, surely he'd understand if he knows about your social anxiety. Try to contact him through e-mail, text, or any form of writing and explain yourself to him (or even show him this thread?) It's not too late, but hold onto him, I'd hate to lose a good friend like him.

Also he shouldn't really force you to talk to him over the phone, knowing your situation, unless it's a way of helping you get more confident.

 

[friendchen]

I really want him to know about how I feel. But when I say "hi" to him and he doesn't answer, it makes me feel really really really bad and then depression comes back and I feel really sick. So its easier for me to let him go than to try to get him back again because I can't endure a refuse. I know its really selfish of me as I refused him again and again but now my chances are gone. I did try my best to get him back, I said "hi" over and over again but nothing can make him to chat with me like before. I want to show him this thread but I'm afraid that he doesn't care about this anymore. He got loads of friends, he loves his family and he also said he got lover. So I don't think he needs me really much. His life is full already and I feel like I'm not even in his close friends' circles. I'm afraid that what in this thread wouldn't mean a thing to him and I would become a joke. And I just can't bear it. He once said that I'm a coward and now I think its true totally.

 

[Ignace]

Talk to him ! Say him you need him.

 

[Newtype]

Don't show him this thread. He'll know your username and you'll never have the privacy of being able to write about your problems here again.

The only thing you can do is talk to him, apologize and explain your situation.

 

[friendchen]

I haven't got the courage yet. Time is ticking away and I'm losing. I just can't type or say the word "I need you". What if he laughs at me? What if he looks down on me? What if he just doesn't care? I just don't have courage to take that risk.

 

[Dronee]

I really want him to know about how I feel. But when I say "hi" to him and he doesn't answer, it makes me feel really really really bad and then depression comes back and I feel really sick. So its easier for me to let him go than to try to get him back again because I can't endure a refuse. I know its really selfish of me as I refused him again and again but now my chances are gone. I did try my best to get him back, I said "hi" over and over again but nothing can make him to chat with me like before. I want to show him this thread but I'm afraid that he doesn't care about this anymore. He got loads of friends, he loves his family and he also said he got lover. So I don't think he needs me really much. His life is full already and I feel like I'm not even in his close friends' circles. I'm afraid that what in this thread wouldn't mean a thing to him and I would become a joke. And I just can't bear it. He once said that I'm a coward and now I think its true totally.

I'm going to be the odd one out here and say that it's probably better to stay away. I mean, if he already does have a lover... And you need him the way you do, it is really not healthy to keep trying to contact him and be close to him.

I know from recent personal experience how painful it can be but yeah... that's my two cents on the matter. You should probably let it go and move on. Find a way to cope with things yourself. Don't discount other's help and support, but at the same time, try to be as independent as possible. Easier said than done, but that's what I think.

 

[Falkor]

I think it's good to tell the truth. Just tell him about your social anxiety and tell him about your situation. That you really need him. And I hope he will understand. You need someone to talk to right? I hope u will find more friends.
maybe here are some people who wanna talk to u. If u want a conversation with me, u can always PM me . And friends come and go.. That's sad, but true.
I hope he'll understand you someday and that u can trust him more.
And that u can keep ur contact with him. Cuz social - Contact is healthy.

Take Care okay!!!

Saskia

 

[fudgy]

At the moment in your mind you have lost him anyway !! yes ?


so you aint going to do a lot to push him away now , and thats the top and bottom of it , you actually now have nothing to lose do you ? But you have something to gain.

He was happy enough to talk and hear your feelings and how it is for you before , so in essence he knew what you where about , maybe he feels a little down trodden at being your friend and caring about you to be then treated the way he has been !

Give it a go ..write it all in an email ..every bit of it , tell him sorry , tell him what he meant and how much you valued his company/chats etc ..only you can do this and with the privacy of your key board you can take a week to write it if that's easier ...whats important is that you maintain your honesty with him and reassure him that he is valued.

(I know this is easier said than done)

You have to grab it by the bollox now ! good luck


oh and I agree with the poster who said don't direct him to this site , you obviously have people on here to talk too and feel free to talk , don't jeopardize your privacy for the sake of expressing yourself to this man when you can do it in private.

 

[KingBoBoBaBo]

Don't force it...

 

[friendchen]

Well, two days ago I tried to talk to him and I was going to say sorry and make up to him but the person at the end of the line told me that he is not him and he is a friend of him and he also said that if he would deliver my message to him (if I leave one). And that friend isn't even in the same country as him. What does that mean?? For me, it means that that account is not his personal account! He and his bunch of friends from different countries have the access to this one single account. And that would mean that everything I said to him and every pictures I sent to him ( not my photo, I never give out my photo, they are the pictures I draw specially for him like his portrait etc.) were not private! Every personal things of my life has gone public! I even doubt that I haven't been talking to the same person at all! And it could be that he is not what he said he was!! But why now the secret is revealed? It could be that they don't wanna play anymore. While I was their international big joke, I thought hes a miracle and was sent from above!!!!!! Oh..it has been a year and how stupid I've been!!!!!! If I post this post two days ago, this post would be filled up with taboos. Now that I'm quite cool down and can quite clearly see that this is all my fault. I don't want and need him now.. or may be I should say "them".. Oh.. how I feel so ugly and naked!!!!!!