Doing "special" gestures for him to let him know i

[TooShyShy]

I work with him and he is unbelievably shy and awkward around me...and only me!!! He's in his late 30's and from all accounts has never had a girlfriend. He always looks so sad when we make eye contcat (when he can) and i always feel he wants to say or do something when we are together but he just can't bring himself to do it and it breaks my heart. I even catch him ***sighing*** while puttin his head down when i walk by him at work..he looks up after i have walked by and just watches me walk on away from him, i am told, looking very sad. I have posted about him a few times already on the other forums.

Anyway, i want to bake him some cookies (i started to already today) and i bought a beautiful card for him as well that says all the things i can't..i want to write something personal in it as well to let him know i care alot about him and that i am here for him when he's ready.

I also want him to know i baked these cookies especially for him bcuz he is so kind to me and worth it.

What should i write in the card?????

What would you like to hear..eh read from a girl you feel that way about? We do work together, just so you know..he will receive it at work.

And...how would you react if a girl at work who likes you alot and you (always staring at her, watching as she walks by you..hanging around her ALOT but very nervously) like her as well..would it help????


Thanks so much :?

 

[RedRibbons]

Do you have feelings for him?

 

[TooShyShy]

LOL!!! Ohhhhhhh yeah i like him alot.

I made holiday sugar cookies today with icing and tomorrow i am making peanut butter cup cookies and toll house chocolate chip cookies. I also bought truffels to place inside the cookie box as well

 

[RedRibbons]

hmm well that was a bit of a silly question. lol.

Maybe you should just write something friendly? Or that you want to spend time with him some time? And that you really enjoy his company at work, and that it makes your day more enjoyable or something? However you are feeling - but not too over the top..

 

[kt2222]

to be honest i dont think the message would come across how you would want it to ,
i dont think he would take offence, but if he is shy maybe thinking of another way that might strike up a conversation

I hate to say this.. but the gesture is almost a 'motherly' one.
i really think the best thing you could do is the simplest things.

i think if i i was the man in question and then i was brought 'personalized gifts especially baked good.. i dnt think i would no how to react i dont think the mesage would be clear enough :wink:

 

[RedRibbons]

mm yea maybe try to keep it casual?! lmao you are asking for advice from people with social anxiety..

I think you should just do what your gut tells you. Be you! Do what YOU would do.. Be prepared for any reaction though..

 

[TooShyShy]

Any reaction??? Like what?

I know when i asked him for his email..he gave it to me right away and then after i emailed him, he retreated a bit and became VERY SHY with me for the morning....but then by the afternoon he was back to saying hello to me (a few times) during the day and "hanging out" where i was at lunch time. He yends to do that a lot.

He gets nervous when i make gestures (i believe he has SA) but then when he calms down he comes back and we takes it from where we left off..he always comes back around!!!!!

 

[RedRibbons]

oph. You don't know how he's going to react.. Is all I'm saying.

 

[TooShyShy]

Red...you're worrying me 8O :roll:

 

[RedRibbons]

Argh Don't be worried. Everything will be fine. Forget I said anything.

 

[kt2222]

When i read you first post i noticed you said that he was only shy around you??

maybe he doesnt have SA maybe he is just a guy that ha no experience sounds to me like he likes you..

so put yourself out there ...

write him a email not full on just saying that you like him, you noticed that he is a little uneasy around you etc.. you get my point

if he still is unable to 'get involved' in a friendship then i would say you have done as much as you can in striking up a friendship.

but you have left the door open. you have be up front. i think if he is that shy around you then you could go round in circles forever.

i would bet money you give him a question to mill over in his head he'll make a decision one way or another so go for it what you got to lose!!!

you never no the first baked good maybe breakfast ones :wink: :wink: oooo thats naughty :lol: :lol:

 

[Angel_Of_Death]

TooShyShy,

I had responded to one of your posts about the same situation a couple of weeks ago, you might remember it...anyways, when ever I read your posts about your situation with this guy, it keeps reminding me of my own situation with this girl at work who has her desk right next to mine, and I think she's absolutely amazing. Only that in my case, I'm the shy one.

Having said that, I think I'm in a good position to give you a little advice if this guy you talking about is anything like me.

My first suggestion is not to make things happen spontaneously, you will catch him off guard and risk of making him very uncomfortable.

Instead, be patient and work on little things. Keep showing him you care for him, talk to him and make him feel important. Show him you enjoy his company. Try to build a friendship. By doing this little steps at a time, he will feel more and more comfortable around you and with you, and things from there will only get better.

Hope this helps, let me know...

 

[Dave_McFadden]

Re: Doing "special" gestures for him to let him kn

He's in his late 30's and from all accounts has never had a girlfriend.

Out of curiosity, how old are you? Are we talking a big age difference here? And do you consider yourself "attractive"? You sound pretty confident to me.

 

[bleach]

Why don't you just ask him out instead of playing games and hoping he breaks avoidance behaviors he has been perfecting for decades? Obviously you're trying to follow traditional gender roles where the man pursues the lady but let's be real, you know he isn't going to do shit. Either ask him out or forget him.

 

[Riiya]

Re: Doing "special" gestures for him to let him kn

[o______o]

 

[Angel_Of_Death]

I don't understand these negative responses. I know you guys are just giving your opinions....

I don't see why the likelihood of a healthy relationship would be bad.
It all depends on her approach, and that's exactly what she's looking advice for.

Actually, I think that they are very likely to have a healthy relationship because she seems to be into him alot. And for a guy who is shy and who probably never had a girlfriend, when he will find true love he will hang on to it like it's the most precious thing in the world for him. I know I would.

I honestly hope things work out for you TooShy, don't give up.

 

[Riiya]

[o______o]

 

[Andrew]

If someone baked me double chocolate cookies with white chocolate bits I would fall in love with them instantly.

 

[TooShyShy]

Angel of Death i think you get it!!!!

I do like him a lot and i want it to work. Do i think he will come after me NO but i want to make him more comfortable. He has gotten better and is now able to be around me, say hello everyday (he initiates) and talk when we need to for work...when we first met he couldn't even make eye contact with me, always had his head down!!!!!

He just needs to get over being so scared of me..and open up a bit to have more possibly, i can take it from there. And no i am not into ''the chase'' at all - this is heartbreaking for me!!!!!! I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!! I have never had to do this before actually.

I know he likes me, and yes i have been told by both men and women i am an attractive (beautiful has been used a few times in my lifetime) woman..and i do take very good care of myself - i just didn't think i had to bring it up. I have also been told i am a ''nice girl'' and a good person and very sweet - lol - does that cover it? Its just hard when you are very shy face to face with someone you are attracted to.


Also, he treats me better (he always helps me out when i need it) and differently then everyone else in the building, maybe its his way to show me he cares. I am the only one he never says no to or takes his time getting to when help is needed.

And yes, i am the ONLY ONE he is shy around and acts the way he does with. He talks to everyne else int he building..women and men and actuallu has a great sense of humor and can be charming.

I know i am different to him i can see it everytime he looks at me and he does it a lot..he has been caught by at least a few people...but yes his lack of experience and shyness (anxiety as well) keeps him from having something special or possibly ever being loved by anyone and i just feel being that i am shy (and can be introverted and quiet myself) when i like someone that we would be good together.

I would be very loyal and treat him really well. He is also a gentlemen and polite..he treats me with respect and i love that!!!!

And no we don't have a huge age difference, i am not that young...lol...i do look a lot younger than my age i have been told and so does she actually and i had great relationship with my father (he passed away a year ago) so i am not looking for a father figure =) my dad was awesome and i am not looking to replace him!!!!!

So, i hope i covered everything...i just like him a lot, thats it!!!!! He's a great guy and i just think he needs to see that i think he's special.

Maybe i won't give him the holiday/friendship card i bought...or the cookies then, i just thought it was a sweet gesture for the holidays. My friend also thought it was a good idea since most men love to eat...lol...and he is a sweetheart :wink:

Thanks for reading.

 

[decadeOfSA]

Angel of Death i think you get it!!!!

I do like him a lot and i want it to work. Do i think he will come after me NO but i want to make him more comfortable. He has gotten better and is now able to be around me, say hello everyday (he initiates) and talk when we need to for work...when we first met he couldn't even make eye contact with me, always had his head down!!!!!

He just needs to get over being so scared of me..and open up a bit to have more possibly, i can take it from there. And no i am not into ''the chase'' at all - this is heartbreaking for me!!!!!! I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!! I have never had to do this before actually.

I know he likes me, and yes i have been told by both men and women i am an attractive (beautiful has been used a few times in my lifetime) woman..and i do take very good care of myself - i just didn't think i had to bring it up. I have also been told i am a ''nice girl'' and a good person and very sweet - lol - does that cover it? Its just hard when you are very shy face to face with someone you are attracted to.


Also, he treats me better (he always helps me out when i need it) and differently then everyone else in the building, maybe its his way to show me he cares. I am the only one he never says no to or takes his time getting to when help is needed.

And yes, i am the ONLY ONE he is shy around and acts the way he does with. He talks to everyne else int he building..women and men and actuallu has a great sense of humor and can be charming.

I know i am different to him i can see it everytime he looks at me and he does it a lot..he has been caught by at least a few people...but yes his lack of experience and shyness (anxiety as well) keeps him from having something special or possibly ever being loved by anyone and i just feel being that i am shy (and can be introverted and quiet myself) when i like someone that we would be good together.

I would be very loyal and treat him really well. He is also a gentlemen and polite..he treats me with respect and i love that!!!!

And no we don't have a huge age difference, i am not that young...lol...i do look a lot younger than my age i have been told and so does she actually and i had great relationship with my father (he passed away a year ago) so i am not looking for a father figure =) my dad was awesome and i am not looking to replace him!!!!!

So, i hope i covered everything...i just like him a lot, thats it!!!!! He's a great guy and i just think he needs to see that i think he's special.

Maybe i won't give him the holiday/friendship card i bought...or the cookies then, i just thought it was a sweet gesture for the holidays. My friend also thought it was a good idea since most men love to eat...lol...and he is a sweetheart :wink:

Thanks for reading.

I wish women that liked me would give me cookies or a card or whatever instead of smiling or starting to ask me out but never finish or say things like "so... I asked people around here about you", giggle, walk closer to me. I do nothing, because I am shy and they walk away and then they don't think I like them or they give up.... I would just like it if women would just say "I like you" or ask me out! I am to shy to respond to signals too, especially because I always have to be 100 percent sure of what they are signalling. Something less subtle like a card or cookies would be nice. The worst thing that can happen is that he can reject you, but he might not.... I would give him the card and the cookies. I don't know why it always has to be the guy that has to be aggressive. I am agressive with eye contact, but I have a hard time smiling or doing anything else.